Turns Out ‘Hunter Biden’ Whistleblower Is Chinese Agent! And Arms Trader! Who Sold Iranian Oil! Oh Well!

Have we mentioned that House Intel Chair James Comer is full of shit? Like, more full of shit than a herd of constipated elephants? Oh, we say it a lot? Well, fair, because it’s totally true.

Okay, kids, get your Pepe Silvia stringboards out, because it’s time to play everyone’s favorite game, What The Fuck Are Republicans On About Now? Yeah, again. You know you love it!

Today’s topic: WHO OR WHAT IS GAL LUFT?

Okay, so you know how Comer and his band of dipshits have been hee-hawing for months about their top secret whistleblower? The one who can prove that Hunter Biden and Joe Biden took all the bribes from China? They couldn’t produce him because REASONS, and in May our pal Jamie took his big square head over to Fox to tell that big airhead Maria Bartiromo that his informant was lost.

“Well, unfortunately we can’t track down the informant. We are hopeful that the informant is still there. The whistleblower knows the informant, the whistleblower is very credible,” he told the credulous Fox host, who briefly demonstrated signs of mild skepticism, before reverting to form.

“Who in the White House is intimidating these people? Do you know?” she gasped.

I do know,” Comer assured her. “We’re saving that for a later time.”

Friends, that time is now. Because yesterday that “informant” outed himself, running to that bastion of good journalism, the New York Post, claiming to be on the run from the US government, bent on silencing him.


Gal Luft, a dual American-Israeli citizen, headed a “think tank” called the Institute for the Analysis of Global Security in DC. In the video, Luft alleges that in the course of doing very serious thought leader stuff with a Chinese energy conglomerate known as CEFC, he discovered that Hunter Biden was also doing stuff with the company, but of the bad LOCK HER UP variety. He says that he blew the whistle last year to the FBI, after which he was indicted, made bail in Cyprus, and then went on the lam for his own safety.

Naturally Jamie Comer and his chaperone, Jim Jordan, raced to Fox to rehabilitate their guy.

To which the DOJ said “Bet!” and immediately unsealed the indictment against Luft.

Now, before we get into this document, let’s point out perhaps the most salient thing from a political standpoint: It was returned on November 1, 2022, i.e. before there was a Republican Congress. So the idea that the feds arrested this guy to head him off from talking to Congress is reeedonkulous. That investigation was in the works for a good long while, and a gander at the charges lets you know exactly why.

Luft is alleged to have conspired to traffic weapons and Iranian oil, in addition to violating the Foreign Agents Registration Act (FARA). And while the weapons and oil may be more serious from a criminal perspective, Luft’s FARA scheme is most interesting politically.

Broadly speaking, Luft coordinated with Chinese agents to pay former CIA Director James Woolsey to author pro-China editorials in Chinese news outlets during the 2016 election and its aftermath. Woolsey was then an advisor to the Trump campaign, and when Trump won the election, Luft and his Chinese backers were ecstatic. Woolsey was also palling around with Mike Flynn at the time, and famously attended a meeting where Flynn pitched high-level Turkish government officials on a plan to black helicopter the Muslim cleric Fetullah Gülen (Turkish President Recep Erdogan’s archenemy) out of the US for the low-low price of $15 million. To his credit, Woolsey distanced himself from Flynn after that, but we can’t help but notice that Flynn also accepted money from a foreign government cutout to publish editorials under his own name advocating for warm relations between the US and another nation.

All the cool kids were doing it — at least the cool kids hanging around with Donald Trump.

Sorry for the extended flashback, but we can’t help but note that Trump, whose supporters have been screaming nonsense about Biden’s supposed ties to China, was being advised by a guy who was literally being paid by a Chinese agent to publish articles praising the CCP.

Here’s just a taste from the indictment (CC-1, or “co-conspirator 1,” is presumed to be Patrick Ho, who was sentenced in 2019 to three years in prison for bribing African officials in connection with his position at CEFC):

On or about November 12, 2016, CC-1 emailed GAL LUFT, the defendant, that “[e]ver since the publication of the articles of my ‘dialogue’ with [Woolsey] in Hong Kong and in the mainland, [he] is now a household name among the USA watchers in HK and in China. But I should think that he should hide for now, come to China on a silent trip first, then surface to speak out on Trump’s foreign policies just before his inauguration or thereafter. LUFT responded that “[w]e are debating about his role in the new admin. There are kinds of considerations … We should talk ftf as there can be a supremely unique opportunity for china.”

On or about November 13, 2016, GAL LUFT, the defendant, and CC-1 exchanged emails about the potential role of Individual-1 in the new presidential administration. LUFT reported that “[o]ur friend is now on the shortlist of the following: Sec Def[,] Sec homeland security[, and] Dir nat intel.” CC-1 replied that “[t]his side would like to see him assuming something with a ‘China’ profile. Of the three, S of D [i.e., Secretary of Defense] or DNI [i.e., Director of National Intelligence] would be good, esp the former.” LUFT wrote to CC-1 that “DNI is most likely,” and CC-1 responded later in the email chain that “may be you could reserve his ‘direct’ China link as the weapon of last resort.”

But instead of Woolsey becoming DNI, the job went to Mike Flynn — although Woolsey would presumably have been judicious enough to go away quietly and not come back four years later advocating for martial law and a coup.

Did your eyes glaze over when you read all that? Well, snap out of it, because that’s exactly what the Republicans were hoping would happen. Just check out Rep. Nancy Mace, the supposedly “moderate” one, shoveling horseshit into Maria’s ever open maw.

Luft didn’t get indicted because he tried to blow the whistle on Hunter Biden. He got indicted because he was wildly corrupt and because he made false statements about it to the FBI, including in March of 2019, during the very same interview in which Comer alleges that Luft blew the whistle on Hunter Biden.

And one more thing, since we’re all the way down this weird rabbit hole. From NBC, here’s what Hunter Biden’s lawyer Abbe Lowell has to say about a supposedly incriminating What’sApp message from Hunter Biden regarding his China deal that Luft gave to congressional Republicans:

Lowell writes that the screenshots of the message as tweeted by Smith, “both include a photo of Mr. Biden not from 2017 but from the White House Easter Egg roll in April 2022 (long after the purported message was sent); both images portray the message in a blue bubble, when WhatsApp messages are in green; one image super-imposed the Chinese flag for the contact ID, when surely that was not how a text or contact was kept; and one purports to be a screenshot with the ‘. . .’ of someone composing a text (as in Apple’s iMessage) when that does not happen on WhatsApp.”

He writes, “In short, the images you circulated online are complete fakes.”

In summary and in conclusion, COME THE FUCK ON.

Oh, and PS: You know that IRS whistleblower Comer and the chuckleheads are touting? He’s mad that the IRS didn’t chase this shit down harder.

OPEN THREAD.

[Bulwark / Insider / NBC / Indictment]

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Has James Comer Just Been Begging FBI To Let Him Sniff Rudy’s Russian Spy Farts This Whole Time?

Peruse if you will a few video clips.

Republican Senator Chuck Grassley is “not interested in whether the allegations against Vice President Biden are accurate or not.”

He’s not interested in whether the allegations are accurate or not.

But isn’t there a document at the FBI? Hasn’t Chuck Grassley seen it? Doesn’t it say Joe Biden did a buncha bads? “Let’s put it this way, there are accusations in it,” said Grassley on Fox News this morning.

YOU BETCHA.

But what about the FORMMMMMMM? Haven’t Grassley and House Oversight Committee Banjo Deliverance Moron Dumbfuck Pork-Brained Idiot James Comer been saying the FBI has a FORRMMMMMMMMMMM? And doesn’t FORRRRRRMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM say that Joe Biden did a stinky in a place with a people and a thing?

Comer has been presenting pretty hard evidence that Joe Biden did a stinky in a place with a people and a thing! (Jingle jangle dingle dangle banjo banjo STRUM!) And as soon as he finds some a-them whistleblower informant thingies he’s lost, he’s gonna blow this Biden scandal wide open! (Time for singin’, time for jokes! Gather ’round and join us, folks! Hee-hee! Hee-haw-haw! Hee-hee! Hee-haw-haw!)

James Comer Knows What Joe Biden Did! Party’s Over, Joe! Resign Before He Tells Everybody What You Did!

James Comer NAILS! Biden For Maybe Knowing About Possible Schemes His Family Coulda Done With Perhaps China?

Oh No, What Is Joe Biden Doing To James Comer’s Informants Who Are Definitely Real And Not Imaginary?

Well, Comer explained yesterday that he had a call with FBI Director Christopher Wray, and Comer said Wray told him there is a form, and the form says a thing, but Wray won’t give him the form, the form what says the thing. And NOOOOOW? Now Comer gonna have to do CONTEMPTS to Chris Wray! (Yeeeee HAW! It’s time for a hoedown!)

Wray offered to let him see the form, though.


We have been making fun of James Comer and Chuck Grassley, but mostly James Comer, for quite a while about his pathetic investigations. He’s just a devastatingly stupid man. And he cannot seem to keep himself from standing in front of TV cameras and telling us how stupid he is. We can’t even keep up with it. Every five seconds it seems like he’s on TV, admitting accidentally that his loser clown probes into Hunter Biden’s penis are simply meant to hurt Joe Biden. (Remember when Kevin McCarthy did thatvis à vis Hillary and Benghazi? Guess who’s stupider than Kevin McCarthy.)

Well listen.

We have a surprise, and it is that the document that James Comer is huffing paint about, the one he’s just been pretty sure the FBI has, is one of the paint-huffing documents Rudy Giuliani gave the FBI back in 2020. Remember that? Back when Rudy would go to Ukraine, get some documents from Russian spies, and then come back to America and pull them out of his underpants and try to get then-attorney general Bill Barr to smell them? Yeah those.

Bill Barr was so impressed with Rudy Giuliani’s “evidence” that he got a US attorney in western Pennsylvania named Scott Brady to handle the very important task of sifting through the “Ukraine evidence” on the Bidens provided by Giuliani. Literally everything Rudy had to share about the Bidens was a bath salts-grade conspiracy theory, and yes, some it came from the Kremlin, and it had all been roundly debunked.

In other words, Barr stuffed this shit in Pittsburgh because it was too stupid even for him to deal with.

That’s apparently where this document came from that Comer’s got his farm dog lipstick out about. Does this mean Rudy’s wet farts are James Comer’s “informant” and/or “whistleblower”? LMAO. Kinda sounds like it.

More from Zachary Cohen’s reporting:

In short, the document is probably almost certainly not true, could very well be Russian disinformation, but James Comer doesn’t care. He’s just trying to hurt the Bidens, as he’s accidentally admitted.

Rudy didn’t care if he was colluding with Russian spies before the 2020 election, but he was pretty sure his dirt on the Bidens was true anyway, because obviously. Rudy and GOP Senator Ron Johnson blew off defensive briefings from the FBI trying to tell them that there were Russian spies crawling up their pantlegs. They didn’t care.

Rudy And Ron Johnson Blew Off FBI Warnings About Russian Spies Because PFFFFFFFT DEEP STATE!

Rudy Giuliani: Americans Deserve To Hear My Easily Debunked Russian Spy Lies!

This is all the same goddamned fucking story, over and over and over and over again. it’s the same story Donald Trump was impeached for, when he tried to force Ukraine to help him steal the election. It’s the same story, ever since Russian spies started shoving this shit down Trump people’s pants back in 2018 or so. And that story connects to the story of Russia helping Trump “win” the 2016 election.

And now James Comer is back at the same trough, seeing what he can slurp out of it.

Here, piggy piggy.

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Oh No, What Is Joe Biden Doing To James Comer’s Informants Who Are Definitely Real And Not Imaginary?

We have been having our little fun watching House Oversight Committee Chair James Comer flail around as he pretends he’s presenting hard evidence against the Bidens to the American people. He has nothing. It’s super-fuckin’ obvious. Fox News knows it. Quite frankly it kind of seems to be annoying them, because they were promised Biden investigations, and this dumb hick can’t manage to make up a damn thing. At least when they were hounding Hillary Clinton for years on end, they were able to scream “Benghazi!” and “Emails!” and they felt like they were saying something.

This is not that.

Comer went on Fox News with deflated Muppet costume Maria Bartiromo this weekend, and she wanted to ask hard journalism questions about “this coverup.” Her face was so serious, like she was a real reporter. But she accidentally got something hilarious out of Comer:


www.youtube.com

BARTIROMO: You have spoken with whistleblowers. You also spoke with an informant who gave you all of this information. Where is that informant today? Where are these whistleblowers?

COMER: Well, unfortunately we can’t track down the informant. We are hopeful that the informant is still there. The whistleblower knows the informant, the whistleblower is very credible.

Unfortunately, the informant has runnt away and Jamie Comer dunnot know whar he is. Heh heh heh. But don’t worry, Jamie Comer will find him wharever he’s hidin’. Maybe he is in the garage. Maybe he’s over yonder in the chicken coop.

Dangit, informant, whar yew at?

The informant is real, though. Jamie Comer seen him. Jamie Comer done come outside and the informant said, “Sir, I have a secret about Hunter Biden’s devil penis,” and Jamie Comer could tell they was real.

So, the very real informant and the very real whistleblower, these are two very real and separate people and not imaginary friends or Russian spies or imaginary Russian spies.

Except wait hold on a second:

BARTIROMO: Hold on a second, Congressman. Did you just say that the whistleblower or the informant is now missing?

COMER: Well, we’re hopeful that we can find the informant. Now remember, these informants are kind of in the spy business, so they don’t make a habit of being seen a lot or being high profile or anything like that.

“The spy business.”

Y’all, even Maria Bartiromo’s face was:

COMER: We have basic information with respect to what the informant has alleged, and it’s very serious! It alleges that Joe Biden when he was vice president was involved in a quid pro quo with a foreign country in exchange for foreign aid.

He pronounced it “quid pro crow.” Latin’s tough for guys like Jamie Comer.

Anyway, we hate it when the vice president of the United States withholds foreign aid. Definitely something the vice president does all the time. You know how they’re the ones who set policy and the foreign aid budget.

Also, it’s funny how those outlines are so similar to the criminal extortion Donald Trump was actually caught doing, trying to force Ukraine to help him steal the 2020 election.

It’s like Comer’s plan here is literally as half-witted as just accusing Biden of exactly what Trump did, but in the mostly brainlessly vague terms possible, and hoping the entire country is too stupid to notice that he’s trying to take all the proper nouns out of the Trump Mad Lib and replace them with Biden words.

BARTIROMO: Are there whistleblowers or informants missing right now?

COMER: [blah blah blah words that don’t mean things] Nine of the 10 people that we’ve identified that have very good knowledge with respect to the Bidens, they’re one of three things, Maria, they’re either currently in court, they’re currently in jail, or they’re currently missing.

Oh no, nine of the 10 people who know the things about the Bidens are one of three things, and one of those things is “in court.”

Okeydoke.

Comer bitched and moaned that the FBI won’t play along with his random accusations, and he babbled that “no president” has ever been accused of the things Biden has. (He hasn’t accused Biden of anything specific.)

And he baselessly said that the people who want to come forward and say things about the Bidens, “They fear for their LAAAAAAAAH-VES!” You betcha.

Bartiromo, if she was genuinely skeptical for even a moment when she was making that face above, went right back to being one of the dumbest, most gullible motherfuckers on Fox News. “This is absolutely extraordinary and it is stunning that some people are missing that you need to prove this!”

She continued:

BARTIROMO: Who in the White House is intimidating these people? Do you know?

COMER: I do know. We’re saving that for a later time.

Of course he is.

It’s funny because Trump and his administration were especially known for witness intimidation and tampering. The judge in the E. Jean Carroll case literally just advised the jurors not to make their identities known for a good long while, if ever.

Speaking to Bartiromo, Comer also accused the Democrats on his committee of acting as “defense attorneys for the Biden family.”

All of this is 100 percent the most laughable kind of projection. Jamie Comer might be stupid enough to think he’s being clever, and the 30 percent of Americans he’s playing to might be that stupid too.

That’s it, that’s the tweet.

Speaking of “that stupid,” here are two of the flying monkeys. Charlie Kirk is really leaning into the conspiracy theory and shitting his pants on command about nine whistleblowers being missing. Marjorie Taylor Greene may not have memorized her lines yet.

You’re all doing great and Jesus loves you.

The end.

UPDATE: Oh no, now she’s going to ask everybody where the informant is. Here she is this morning with GOP Rep. Tim Burchett. this is so GD sad.

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Even Fox News Seems Pretty Sure James Comer And Ron Johnson’s Biden Investigations F*ckin’ Dumb

Yesterday, House Oversight Committee Chair James Comer threw a press conference to announce that Joe Biden did a bunch of very bad things. Probably. Where? China maybe. And reporters were like “What bad things did Joe Biden do?” and Comer was like “the badnesses!” and reporters were like “yes but which ones?” and Comer was like “I can’t tell you! They’re too bad!”

So that went well.

And Republican media appearances ever since are going awesome. Comer went on “Fox & Friends” this morning and even Steve Doocy was making fun of his lame-ass nothingburger shit.


Doocy was like YOU SAID YOU WERE GOING TO SHOW THINGS. After reading off some of Comer’s so-called allegations, he said:

“Your party, the Republican investigators, say that that’s proof of influence-peddling by Hunter and James, but that’s just your suggestion! You don’t actually have any facts to that point. You’ve got some circumstantial evidence. And the other thing is, of all those names, the one person who didn’t profit, there’s no evidence that Joe Biden did anything illegally!”

Comer tried to respond: “Well if you look at the laptop and the emails …” but he was just a babbling hick as usual, saying nothing.

This is not the first time this has happened on “Fox & Friends,” or on Fox News in general.

James Comer Knows What Laws Hunter Biden’s Wangle Doodle Broke But SHHHH He Can’t Tell You Yet

James Comer NAILS! Biden For Maybe Knowing About Possible Schemes His Family Coulda Done With Perhaps China?

It’s not going better for Comer’s buddies.

Wisconsin Republican Senator Ron Johnson has been making a noble effort to steal the Senate’s Dumbest Republican crown back from Tommy Tuberville. Yesterday, he went on Fox Business and told empty Muppet costume Maria Bartiromo that they’re just going to have to take all the evidence they have of Joe Biden and his known associates and family members having bank accounts and sometimes making deposits and withdrawals, and they’re going to have to INFER what’s going on. That’s right, they’re going to do an impeachment based on INFERRED TREASON.

“People that commit criminal acts try not to leave a paper trail. So it’s very difficult to piece this all together, particularly when you have the leftists, the progressives and the mainstream media doing everything they can to undermine your investigation. On the bank records, you’re not going to see [a] bribe to change this policy. You have to infer what’s happening here. You have to take a look at the bulk of the evidence. You have to follow the money and realize: So what did this Biden family member do to earn that amount of money?”

LOL dang leftists and progressives and mainstream media colluding to undermine the investigation by … making fun of it? Pointing out that you actually can’t impeach based on the vibes you’re getting?

Yeah, we’re petty like that.

Today Johnson went on Fox Business again and talked to a different sentient windsock and it did not go better.

He is so mad, y’all. Where is the quid pro quo, the anchor asked? Well that’s hard to PROVE, said Johnson.

It helps when you have a transcript of the president extorting Ukraine to “do us a favor though” and help him steal an election in exchange for the defense assistance your nation desperately needs to protect itself from the rogue enemy nation next door that indeed ended up attacking it after all. Also when you have shitloads of people who are willing to testify in Congress about all the different aspects of the quid pro quo. And all these documents.

You know, what woke types call “evidence.”

Trump’s Ukraine ‘Transcript’ Is Real, And It Is BUGF*CK

Quid Pro Qu-OOOOLY SH*T! Let’s Read Some State Department Texts About Trump’s Ukraine Crimes!

As that clip above progresses, Johnson gets madder and madder, saying that he and Chuck Grassley “laid out the vast web of financial foreign entanglements of the Bidens in our September 2020 report. The complicit and corrupt media IGNORED IT! They covered up the HUNTER BIDEN LAPTOP!”

You have to watch the video for the prissy pause between “complicit and corrupt media” and “IGNORED IT.”

Also, is that the report where, while Johnson was doin’ his investigatin’, the FBI came to him like “DUDE, your sources are Russian spies, they are fucking with you, god you’re dumb, why are you so dumb?” Was this Johnson’s Biden Ukraine investigation that was always as stupid as he is?

And when he released that big September 2020 report, the worst allegation in it was that Hunter Biden being on the board of Burisma was — WE QUOTE — “awkward”?

Sirs and madams, we’d like to add a second count to the impeachment of Joe Biden. On top of all the vibes, he also did a AWKWARD.

Rudy And Ron Johnson Blew Off FBI Warnings About Russian Spies Because PFFFFFFFT DEEP STATE!

Senator Ron Johnson Determined To Make 2020 Election As Stupid As He Is

CIA Treating Senate’s Dumbest Republican Like Toxic Dump Human He Is

Ron Johnson, Walking Simpson’s ‘You Tried’ Gif, Releases Biden Ukraine Report

After that, Ron Johnson told today’s Fox Business idiot the same thing he told yesterday’s Fox Business idiot, about how we’re gonna have to “infer an awful lot.”

You’re all doing great, boys. Don’t change a thing.

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Sounds Like Somebody Should Investigate Congressional Hunter Biden Enthusiast GOP Rep. James Comer

We feel like it was just five seconds ago that we saw Republican House Oversight Committee Chair James Comer on the teevee babbling conspiracy theory shit about Hunter Biden and Ukraine and Joe Biden and prosecutors that was debunked YEARS AGO during Donald Trump’s first impeachment.

And boy, we thought, Comer must have NOTHING on the Bidens.

Fox News seemed exasperated the other day asking Comer if he had any actual dirt on the Bidens. Comer just begged for more time and babbled illiterate Kentucky livestock words about “doesn’t add up.”

Let’s read in the New York Times about how Comer has standards for the information he guzzles down, and how difficult it is for him to keep folks from bringing him silly QAnon arglebargle, which is different from the very serious science investigations he is doing into Hunter Biden’s Ukrainian penis. Because he thinks that stuff is pretty important, mmkay?


Steering his S.U.V. through pounding rain on his way to the state capital on a recent Thursday, Representative James R. Comer, the chairman of the Oversight and Accountability Committee, reflected on the pressure he often faced from constituents to investigate unhinged claims about President Biden and Democrats.

“You know, the customer’s always right,” Mr. Comer said wryly, of his approach to the people who elected him and now brandish conspiracy theories, vulgar photographs featuring the president and his son, Hunter, and other lies they expect him to act upon.

“I say, ‘Let me see it,’ because I want to see where the source is,” Mr. Comer said. “They don’t know that it’s QAnon, but it’s QAnon stuff.”

James Comer is very discerning when it comes to picking out the highest quality information about Hunter Biden’s Ukrainian business and/or laptop and/or ding-a-ling. He knows some of the the stuff QAnon says about Hunter Biden is HORNSWOGGLE.

James Comer knows the difference.

Of course, the Times does note that Comer “has himself become a promoter of sinister-sounding allegations against Mr. Biden and his family.” That’s one way to say “peddles absolute bullshit.” And is just a partisan hack and a clown in general. And is a sick fuck who wishes Joe Biden’s dead son Beau Biden had been investigated more.

But he’s not an idiot like some of these people.

Totally unrelated, we are sure, but the Times notes that Comer’s Oversight Committee has people like Marjorie Taylor Greene on it, and he asks how much he can really control members like that. “It’s hard for a coach to tell LeBron James what he’s doing wrong,” says Comer, who apparently thinks Greene has things in common with LeBron James.

But this is an entire NYT profile of a man it says “presents himself as an affable country boy of limited abilities,” so let’s see what other gross nuggets about Comer we can pull out of the dungheap.

Investigate Trump? How’s he gonna find Hunter Biden’s tallywhacker in there?

Just recently it was reported that the House Oversight Committee had kinda quietly stopped investigating Donald Trump’s finances. “What exactly are they looking for?” Comer asked the New York Times. “They’ve been ‘investigating’ Trump for six years. I know exactly what I’m investigating: money the Bidens received from China.”

Or as we like to call it, Hunter Biden’s CERTIFIED ANGUS WANGUS!

And of course, Comer has also quit investigating Jared Kushner’s TWO BILLION BUCKAROOS from the Saudis. Nothing to see there, probably. And how brazen he really is about why:

While he did not rule out looking at Mr. Kushner’s business dealings at some point, when a reporter suggested it might be politically unsustainable for him to investigate Mr. Trump’s son-in-law, he took a long pause, then replied: “I don’t disagree with what you said.”

He reckons that what that reporter had said is the truth. There will be no investigatin’ of Jared Kushner. Not on Sheriff Jamie Comer’s watch, pew pew pew. (They call that idiot Jamie back in Kentucky, and we think we ought to do the same.)

DOMESTIC ABUSE ALLEGATIONS, ABORTIONS, EMAILS, OH MY!

The Times profile tells us some things we feel should be more front of mind whenever we bring up Mr. Comer. Some of it we already knew, but deserves more attention. Some of it is BRAND new. Like how in 2015, Comer, who has a long history in Kentucky politics, was running in the Republican primary for governor, and a blogger started reporting allegations that when Comer was in college, he had abused his girlfriend.

So here’s what Comer did:

His campaign turned over documents to a local prosecutor to help in an investigation of the blogger. (The prosecutor dropped the investigation after the election.)

The month before the primary, a story appeared in The Lexington Herald-Leader in which leaked emails suggested coordination between the blogger and the husband of the running mate of one of Mr. Comer’s opponents in the race, the Louisville developer Hal Heiner.

The rumor whispered around Kentucky political circles at the time was that Mr. Comer had swiped the emails from the computer server for the husband’s former law firm and leaked them to the newspaper. In an interview with The Times, Mr. Comer confirmed, for the first time, that he had been behind the leak and strongly hinted he had gotten them from the server.

“I’ve had two servers in my lifetime,” Mr. Comer said when asked about the emails. “Hunter Biden’s is one, and you can — I’m not going to say who the other one was, but you can use your imagination.”

Wait, so he had stolen emails that he used to discredit the people reporting on allegations from a former girlfriend that he had abused her. And now he is admitting that aw shucks, yes, he was the one who leaked those stolen emails.

His decision to leak the emails backfired. The former college girlfriend, Marilyn Thomas, was angry about being called a liar and sent a four-page letter to a reporter at The Louisville Courier-Journal who published a devastating story just weeks before Primary Day.

In the letter, which The Times obtained and authenticated, Ms. Thomas accused Mr. Comer of having hit her and said he had taken her to a clinic for an abortion, an account that was supported by her roommate at the time. The article reported Ms. Thomas’s claim that she had a document in a lock box in a Kentucky bank proving Mr. Comer had accompanied her for the abortion, but the document has never been made public.

Dang he sounds like a charmer a hypocrite, a shitweasel, and a criminal. According to reporting in 2015, he was furious when he found out he’d have to use his real name at the abortion clinic in Louisville when filling out the form attesting he would drive Thomas home.

He still denies all this, of course. Sounds to us like there ought to be an ethics investigation at the very least. Or maybe he should just resign.

There’s more in the Times profile, should you want to read it.

We think we’ll just sit here and reflect on what we’ve learned about the credibility of one Mr. Jamie Comer, the self-appointed Inspector Gadget of Hunter Biden’s Penis.

[New York Times]

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GOP Hunts For Hunter Biden’s Wangus, Finds Trump Sobbing About Chrissy Teigen ‘Pussy Ass Bitch’ Tweet Instead

GOP Rep. James Comer’s House Oversight Committee is holding a hearing today about the Biden campaign’s apparently unreasonable requests that Twitter take down pictures of Hunter Biden’s wing-wang in the run-up to the 2020 election. Also, Twitter censored a New York Post story about LAPTOP111!1 for like six seconds. All of this obviously stole the election from its rightful winner, Donald Trump.

Strangely, though, former Twitter execs have testified that actually thin-skinned Donald Trump was the one who called Twitter whining and begging for tweets that hurt his feelings to be taken down. Specifically, there was that time Chrissy Teigen called him a “pussy ass bitch.”

He was very, very upset about that.


Here’s that tweet, for posterity and forever:

And here’s a screen-grabbed version, in case Elon hears this and breaks his leg sprinting for the delete button.

Twitter

Teigen has responded:

So there’s your TWITTER FILES. And that’s how things are going in that House Oversight Committee hearing today. James Comer’s hearing about how Twitter hid Hunter Biden’s penis under a bushel instead of letting its light shine where Republicans can bask in it.

Boy are we glad Republicans are in control and can do “oversight” now.

Democratic ranking member Jamie Raskin opened the hearing eloquently explaining what a fucking waste of time it is to investigate Hunter Biden’s wing-wang and his laptop. He explained that Twitter, as a private company, was allowed to do whatever it wanted with New York Post articles about Hunter Biden’s laptop.

Former Twitter executives gave some truly fascinating testimony about the company’s failures before the domestic terrorist attack of January 6, and how the company actually worked to make sure world war three didn’t start on Twitter after Donald Trump assassinated that Iranian general. They talked about Russian disinfo on the platform. They’ve talked about a number of interesting things.

In response, Republicans have thrown poo, because these fucking morons are so delusional they really think this laptop would have prevented the most hated man in the world from losing the election. They’ve babbled about how Matt Taibbi and Elon Musk have proven that Twitter was a “subsidiary of the FBI.” (That was Nancy Mace, being a full of shit liar.)

Jim Jordan has been blabbing all day, but you can just watch this seven seconds and skip the rest:

And then watch Democratic Rep. Gerry Connolly making fun of Jim Jordan for sucking at Congress:

Connolly beat the shit out of Republicans the whole time, and that’s how we got to the whole thing about Chrissy Teigen calling Trump a “pussy ass bitch” and Trump CRYYYYYYYYING about it to Twitter.

Just watch this clip.

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez kicked a whole lot of ass too, about what a waste of time and resources this hearing was, about how actually Twitter bent over backward constantly to accommodate Donald Trump, and finally about the lying campaigns of the Libs of TikTok account against LGBTQ+ people and children that are proliferating this very day.

Wanna hear what Marjorie Taylor Greene sounds like when she’s MAD? She is MAD Twitter broke the law (no) by suspending her, and she is MAD that Twitter colluded with the CIA and the DHS and the Deep State to shadow-ban all the conservatives, and she is MAD that Twitter wouldn’t let anybody learn about curing COVID with horse paste, and oh boy, if she was your mom and she was yelling at you, you would laugh and laugh and laugh, and then you’d get in more trouble because you’re not supposed to laugh when mom is yelling at you.

Then she called former Twitter exec Yoel Roth a pedophile to his face, in case you wondered how vile she really is.

Congress is forever stained by that bigoted, lying piece of homophobic human trash.

But on to better things!

Remember wonderful brilliant Dan Goldman, who was the House Democrats’ lawyer for Donald Trump’s first impeachment, and who is now a member of Congress from New York? He took some time to explain chapter and verse how full of bullshit and false information that New York Post Hunter Biden story was in the first place, literally from its first paragraph. Man it pissed James Comer off.

Watch all these videos:

Part two. Keep watching, he is so fucking great. Goldman all but accuses Comer here of abusing his power as committee chair and wasting taxpayer money on a “fishing expedition into a civilian child of a president for political purposes.”

Part three:

Welcome to Congress, Rep. Goldman!

Monumentally stupid Louisiana Republican Rep. Clay “WHAR BOXES” Higgins is pretty sure all the Twitter employees who testified today are gonna get an ARRESTIN’:

And that seems like a good place to start wrapping it up.

Want to hear more about the “pussy ass bitch” thing, since that is the most important fact that will ever come out of Kevin McCarthy’s House of Representatives? Yeah you do.

Amazing amazing amazing. No notes. Every day is stupider than the last.

As of this writing, the hearing is ongoing. We are sure it will continue to be just as productive as the last several hours have been. If you want to see more clips, obviously Rupar and Acyn are live-tweeting.

But we are done.

OPEN THREAD.

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PSA: New GOP House Oversight Chair James Comer Is A F*cking Clown

Good morning! Welcome back to the Joe Biden classified documents story, which is worse than Donald Trump’s classified documents because Hunter Biden’s laptop and Hunter Biden’s penis and because Republicans are deeply unserious and deeply unwell people.

In every way, the Biden classified documents story — while still infuriating for a number of reasons — is a how-to class on “What To Do If You Accidentally Took Some Classified Docs Home And Found Them In Your Backpack.” Meanwhile, Donald Trump stole a far greater number of classified documents, and has spent the entire time since investigators started asking lying about it and ducking subpoenas. Nobody in the general public has any idea what kind of nefarious purposes Trump had for those documents, but it is Trump, so no matter how horrifying the truth ends up being, we will not be shocked.

Gallant Found Few More Classified Docs In Garage And Gave Them Back. Goofus Should Still Go To Prison.

Biden ‘Surprised’ Classified Docs Found At His Think Tank, But He WOULD Say That, Now Wouldn’t He?

This weekend, the Biden administration continued being obscenely transparent about this and revealed that on Thursday, Biden White House lawyer Richard Sauber found a few MORE classified docs from Joe Biden’s Wilmington, Delaware, house. (This is batch three.) So of course they told us immediately, because they are good and they are well-behaved and when they find classified documents they always tell the teacher immediately!


Sauber found the document because Biden’s personal lawyers called him when they found that other classified doc next to the garage in Wilmington. So he went out there to help turn it over to the Justice Department. One thing led to another and they checked this other box, blah blah blah.

“Because I have a security clearance, I went to Wilmington Thursday evening to facilitate providing the document the President’s personal counsel found on Wednesday to the Justice Department,” Sauber said. “While I was transferring it to the DOJ officials who accompanied me, five additional pages with classification markings were discovered among the material with it, for a total of six pages. The DOJ officials with me immediately took possession of them.”

He added, “The President’s lawyers have acted immediately and voluntarily to provide the Penn Biden documents to the Archives and the Wilmington documents to DOJ.”

Again, this is what you should do in the unlikely event you ever find a document with classified markings in one of your piles of junk mail. Returning classified documents is easy and fun!

You don’t go on the radio and call the special counsel appointed to investigate a “terrorist” and paint a target on their family; you don’t lie and say you declassified those documents in your brain; you don’t baselessly insinuate that maybe the FBI/Deep State planted those documents, and you don’t lie to the National Archives and Justice Department to conceal the fact that you are still hiding a shitload more classified documents you stole.

None of this changes the fact that Kentucky Fried Pigshit Person Rep. James Comer, new chair of the House Oversight Committee, told Jake Tapper this weekend that he will be investigating Biden’s classified documents, but not Trump’s. Why? Refer to what we said about how Republicans are deeply unserious and deeply unwell, and add how they are where integrity goes to die.

Also remember that the entire thing James Comer is famous for is heavily breathing in frustration in November because reporters wouldn’t focus their questions on Hunter Biden. If we could keep this about Hunter Biden, OK? We think it’s pretty important to keep this about Hunter Biden! Hunter Biden!

Tapper played a clip of Comer saying in November that the Trump documents case would “not be a priority” for him, and asked:

“Do you only care about classified documents being mishandled when Democrats do the mishandling?” Tapper asked.

“Absolutely not,” Comer responded. He added, “At the end of the day, my biggest concern isn’t the classified documents, to be honest with you. My concern is how there’s such a discrepancy in how former President Trump was treated, by raiding Mar-a-Lago, by getting the security cameras, by taking pictures of documents on the floor, by going through Melania’s closet versus Joe Biden where its like — okay, your personal lawyers who don’t have security clearance, they can go through, they can just keep looking and keep looking and determine whatever is there. That’s not equal treatment, and we’re very concerned and there’s a lack of trust here at the Department of Justice by house Republicans.”

“Why was Mar-a-Lago raided, but the president’s home not?” asked Comer, as disingenuously as every other square-faced white-haired southern Republican who looks like he’s dressed in drag for a Young Newt Gingrich lookalike contest. He told Tapper that “With respect to investigating President Trump, there have been so many investigations of President Trump. I don’t feel like we need to spend a whole lot of time investigating President Trump because the Democrats have done that for the past six years.”

To which we reply oh go fuck yourself.

Also, if Comer moves those goalposts any faster he’s going to poke somebody’s eye out.

All these questions have been asked and answered. Gallants who cooperate in every way are treated with respect. Goofuses who lie and obstruct investigations get their asses raided. It’s real fuckin’ simple. And if Melania has to buy new underpants, well, Wonkette has already done the journalistic work of finding out where the closest Walmart to Mar-a-Lago is.

Hope You’re Happy: Melania Had To Get New Underpants

Here’s the entire interview if you like hick yokels with grins that make people uncomfortable.

www.youtube.com

Things are about to get so much stupider. You can tell by looking at James Comer’s face, it is the face of “getting stupider.”

[NBC News / Mediaite]

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