Oh the tangled webs we weave! If you’ve ever messed up big time and had to grovel and beg for forgiveness, you’ll completely understand our next story and possibly agree to disagree.
Recently a forum user posted a sincere question, relating a story about miscommunication and the consequences that come with it.
The Mess Up
Our story begins with “Dan.” He’s 34 and a married father. He relays that his wife had scheduled a beach getaway for four days which fell over the weekend that Mother’s Day falls.
He goes on to say that he figured since he was watching his children, it should count as a gift to his wife, and therefore he didn’t get her anything to celebrate Mother’s Day.
The Cold Shoulder
When Dan’s wife came home from her holiday, she realized he hadn’t gotten her anything and said that she “received the message loud and clear.” Dan tried to apologize and explain his thinking, but his wife, obviously, wasn’t having it and refused to listen to anything he said.
Dan is wondering if he messed up, and forum participants are here to help.
1. Parenting 101
For some people, it’s not apparent that watching children is a normal part of parenting. Apparently, not everyone got the message.
One individual thought Dan could use a reminder. “Taking care of the kids should be part of your regular duties, not a present/gift.”
2. News Flash
Another user completely agreed, saying, “Say it louder for the people in the back. OP, THIS WASN’T A GIFT, ITS CALLED PARENTING. Are you actually saying that you think caring for your kids is a gift to your wife? News flash: you are only doing what SHE has to do every damn day. Now go out, get some Godiva Chocolate and flowers, and stop taking your wife for granted.”
3. Extra Special
Sometimes a mistake is so big that it takes more than the usual chocolate and flowers routine to apologize and make it right, and I’m not the only one who thinks so.
One person said this to Dan. “At this point, I think jewelry is required.”
Another poster advised, “And not a Pandora bracelet, either!”
4. Teaching Children
One recent forum contributor didn’t really have a problem with the vacation being a good gift for Dan’s wife. They took issue with him not thinking to help the children make their mother a gift.
“I actually DO think wife/mom getting to go on a girl’s weekend IS a nice gift. Not taking care of your own kids, but being able to get away without worrying about the kids. It would’ve been nice for OP to have had the kids make a card or small gift if they are young. Basically, Dad’s duty while they are little is to teach them an appreciation of mom, so when they are older, they will genuinely do it on their own.”
5. Awards Ceremony
“Way too many fathers want an award ceremony for doing the bare minimum when it comes to taking care of their kids.” This is what one commenter thought about Dan’s situation and plenty of people agreed.
6. Stay-At-Home Dad
One stay-at-home-dad felt that the stigma for father’s is unjust. He had this to say regarding his own predicament and the unequal reaction to a ‘mom’s job’ versus a ‘dad’s duty.’
“As a stay-at-home dad, I find that there is a lot of praise for stay-at-home moms but a huge stigma when it comes to a dad fulfilling that role. I get looks from moms at the playground, am often ignored or avoided at any library/toddler sessions or events (I try to be social), and get attitude from extended family members for not having a job.
“Having said all that, I don’t mean to sound like a downtrodden persecuted individual. I have a huge amount of privilege in a lot of different ways, and I have made some connections with other parents. These are just some observations in regards to my current role as a parent.”
7. In Defense of Dads
While plenty of thread spots were clearly into dad-bashing Dan, it’s clear that several definitely had his back.
One person spoke up to say this, “If Dad was going on a 4 day fishing trip, the comments would be all ‘That’s really unfair, when do YOU get to go on a 4 day spa trip?’ to the wife and imply that the responsibility of taking care of the kids was really unbalanced because Dad went away for 4 days.”
8. Thinking of You
One human (I think) posted a great point on the importance of giving and receiving with grace. “Why is it so hard to get a card/make a card with a heartfelt sentiment? Let your SO know you care/are thinking about them. No matter gender.”
9. Mom Agrees
One woman completely agreed that Dan was in the right to consider his wife’s four-day vacation a considerable gift and that the comments section was a bit like walking onto the set for One Flew Over the Coo Coo’s Nest for Mother’s Day.
“I agree. I feel like I am taking crazy pills reading these comments. A little weekend getaway without the kids absolutely counts as a present in my eyes. And I am saying this as a mom myself.”
10. Huge Luxury
Plenty of forum users were split on whether or not Dan had to right to use childcare and parenting as a gift. Some said he was still a jerk for not getting his wife a gift for the holiday, while others agreed that his solo-parenting routine over the long weekend was gift enough.
One participant had this to say about the entire story. “Taking care of multiple kids for 4 days while your partner is on a trip is a huge gift. 4 days off as a parent is a huge luxury. Can really tell who has kids on here and who doesn’t. That being said, a card and some flowers or a small gift, maybe an art project from the kids could have been done.”
Communication Is Key
As a mother of seven, I can’t imagine four days away from my children. My husband and I are both home with them, and even on the rare occasion that one of us goes shopping, we usually take at least two to three of our children with us.
While some forum posters were quick to vilify Dan for not getting his wife a gift, I can attest to the incredible present a four-day, child-free, quiet, and calm vacation would be. On that same token, I can also understand helping children learn to appreciate all their mom does to care for them. This can easily be done by encouraging them to make a card or perhaps a special dinner for when she comes home.
And when it’s Dad’s turn on Father’s Day, the same consideration and effort should be shown by Dan’s wife so that their children learn that both parents are equally responsible and deserve equal recognition for the efforts they both show to care for their children.
Communication could have saved a lot of hurt feelings and misunderstandings if Dan and his wife had hashed out what they were thinking and how they felt ahead of time. Both of them would have known what to expect and how the other person felt going into the four-day weekend.
Source: Reddit.
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#Wrong #Wife #Gift #Mothers #Day #Wealth #Geeks