What a strange day. First Ted Cruz was correct about a thing, and now we have a post wherein Lindsey Graham doesn’t need to go fuck himself.
Of course in both cases, it’s because the people who are mad at these MAGA garbage Republican senators are even more MAGA garbage than they are. And yes, we are including the Russian government and state-owned media under the umbrella of “MAGA garbage,” because you bet your ass we are.
Russia has issued an arrest warrant for Lindsey Graham. And Margarita Simonyan, the lying dogshit editor of Russian government-controlled RT, who will absolutely go to hell when she dies, is suggesting that the Russian government should just go ahead and assassinate Graham. “We have his address,” she said, as if that’s some great feat of the Russian intelligence services. Next she’ll say she can tell you what time stores open and close, and if Amazon is out of deodorant.
Turns Out All Russian Journalists Know They’re Lying About Ukraine War
This all started after Graham met with Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy on Friday. In video of that encounter, released by Zelenskyy’s office, Graham said that “Russians are dying,” and that US aid to Ukraine in fighting Russia’s genocidal war is “the best money we’ve ever spent.” Russia is very mad because the way the video is edited, it (sorta) sounds like Graham is saying the best money we ever spent is to kill Russians. (Shrug.)
Of course, anybody can tell the video has been spliced together. (Watch it for yourself.) That means the Russians can tell, unless they are just very dumb. And that means their outrage is performative bullshit.
But oh, what performative outrage it is! The Daily Beast shares this example:
State TV host Vladimir Solovyov […] angrily exclaimed: “Your dirty American money also fully supported the Nazi regime in Germany! You are a Nazi beast and you’re following in the footsteps of your predecessors. I’ll repeat it once again: you will croak, but the Russian people will live forever!”
LOL okeydoke.
So the Investigative Committee, which investigates things in Russia, opened an investigation, and the Interior Ministry issued an arrest warrant for Graham, which we are sure will prove bothersome to any dreams Graham might have of visiting a Potemkin country whose hottest tourism attractions are “broken Ferris wheel” and “airport to take you out of Russia.” Graham wasn’t on the newest list of Americans banned from Russia, because he was already on the old list.
PREVIOUSLY! Putin Bans Everybody Who Ever Hurted Donald Trump’s Feelings From Glorious Russia
Foreign Minister Dmitry Peskov said, “It’s hard to imagine a greater shame for the country than having such senators,” which is factcheck true but not for any of the reasons Peskov is saying.
Then there was beclowned Putin sycophant Dmitry Medvedev, who kept Putin’s chair warm as president of Russia from 2008 to 2012, while Putin was pretending he was just prime minister, because at the time the Russian constitution wouldn’t allow Putin to serve a third consecutive term as president.
Dmitry Medvedev, the deputy chairman of Russia’s Security Council, said Graham “shouldn’t have done that” and called the 67-year-old lawmaker an “old fool.”
Medvedev also said on Telegram, “In his beloved America, not only ordinary people are regularly killed, but dirty money is also being spent on killing senators. He should recall the sad fate of Robert Kennedy, Huey Long, Clementa Carlos Pinckney, John Milton Elliott, Wayne Owens and other American politicians.” You know, in case people thought he was being too subtle and didn’t understand what he might be getting at.
And then there was Simonyan, who runs RT, and is a true garbage person. She allowed that maybe Graham’s comments had been edited, but then said:
“If Lady Graham really said that the money for the killing of Russians is the best money the US ever spent… I hope that in our country, the sons or grandchildren of Sudoplatov are alive, his pupils, or the descendants of his pupils. It’s not even hard. We have his address.”
“Lady Graham.” How cute. “Sudoplatov” is Pavel Sudoplatov, who the Daily Beast helpfully explains was part of the assassination of Leon Trotsky.
Then she said these things:
“I have no ill will towards anyone and our religion tells us to forgive, but no one tells us to reward these types of things. When we don’t act in response to these things, it is the same as encouraging them. It causes them to become increasingly more brazen.”
What’s Lindsey Graham gonna do? Invade the country next door unprovoked and start blowing its babies’ heads off like Russia did? Because we feel like that was pretty brazen.
Here’s video of all that fake Russian bellyaching:
Graham is acting like he isn’t even upset about all this, tweeting that he “will wear the arrest warrant issued by Putin’s corrupt and immoral government as a Badge of Honor.” He followed up:
“To know that my commitment to Ukraine has drawn the ire of Putin’s regime brings me immense joy. I will continue to stand with and for Ukraine’s freedom until every Russian soldier is expelled from Ukrainian territory.”
Melodramatic, but correct.
Specifically in response to Medvedev, Graham said, “[I]f you want Russians to stop dying in Ukraine, withdraw. Stop the invasion. Stop the war crimes. The truth is that you and Putin could care less about Russian soldiers.”
That’s one way to say it.
Or he could just tell all these Russians to eat an entire field full of Ukrainian assholes. But he would never do that because he is not cool and he still sucks, just not for the reasons the Russians think.
Watch, our next post will be about Marjorie Taylor Greene not kicking a puppy or something, WTF are we even on about today.
[NBC News / The Hill / Daily Beast]
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Just got to BlueSky!
I have profiles those other places but I think I forgot how to log on.
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