A procrastinator’s guide to a romantic Valentine’s Day dinner

What’s the most romantic meal to serve this Valentine’s Day? Euronews Culture delved into the science of seduction to recommend a full menu for all you last-minute lovers out there.

The way to a person’s heart is quite often through their stomach.

It’s understandable then that this Valentine’s Day, you might be trying to impress that special someone with some scrumptious culinary achievements.

While restaurants are nice, and can be awfully romantic, reservations for Valentine’s Day are hard to come across. In fact, on reservation apps like OpenTable, they spike 500% in the days leading up to 14 February.

If you’re reading this article, chances are you haven’t planned ahead.

Don’t fret, procrastinator! We’ve got some tips for you on how to make an easy romantic dinner at home with ingredients that are scientifically-proven to get the love juices flowing.

And we promise, it’ll look like you spent ages planning this meal, which you can actually whip up in less than an hour from start to finish.

Here’s what’s on the menu.

Appetiser: Oysters / Mushroom toast

Okay, we know what you’re thinking. Oysters are such a cliché. These little shells have had their moment in the sun for far too long, but it’s for good reason.

Historically, they’ve been linked to Aphrodite, the Greek goddess of love. Legend has it she rose out of the sea in an oyster shell, so those looking for love would honour her by eating oysters, calling them aphrodisiacs.

These days, people still claim that oysters can boost libidos, though scientists aren’t so sure about their practical merits. They do contain nutrients that play a role in sexual function, like zinc.

More importantly for procrastinators, though, oysters require very little prep work. All you need is a good supplier (a trustworthy fishmonger is key!) and an oyster shucker and you’re in business.

Mmm…mushrooms!

If oysters are too slimy for your taste, another surprisingly romantic food is the humble mushroom. In 2016, a Stanford professor wrote an entire essay about why fungi are the most romantic food.

They’re used at various stages of the chocolate- and wine-making process, they’re known for their stunning longevity (the oldest mushrooms have been alive for thousands of years), and truffles are even known to emit pheromone-like chemicals to attract mammals.

Gastronomically-speaking, mushrooms pack an umami punch and they’re so easy to prepare that even the most culinarily-challenged can make them at home.

Here’s what you need for a simple, yet impressive mushroom toast appetiser:

-1 pack of brown button mushrooms, sliced

-Ricotta, or other spreadable cheese

-1 tbsp butter

-1 tbsp olive oil

-Balsamic vinegar

-2 garlic cloves, minced

-1 handful parsley, chopped

-Your favourite crusty bread, sliced

Sauté the mushrooms in a blend of butter and olive oil with salt, pepper, minced garlic and parsley until they’re soft and browned. Spread a soft cheese like ricotta on a couple slices of toast, top with the mushrooms and drizzle with balsamic vinegar.

Add some fresh herbs and you’ve got a great start to your evening. You can even make these in advance and store them in the fridge until your loved one arrives. Feel free to omit the cheese and butter if you want a vegan option.

Main course: Spaghetti (cacio e pepe OR tomato sauce)

If you don’t have time to make something too elaborate, then lucky for you, one of the most romantic dishes in the world happens to also be one of the easiest to cook.

There is some debate as to why spaghetti is considered a go-to romantic date night meal. There’s always a risk that the sauce might stain your shirt or dress, or that you might slurp too loud and kill the mood.

It was popular long before that scene in Lady and the Tramp, and it’s become a timeless classic ever since.

This stringy pasta is still a favourite for lovers of all stripes, and it’s not hard to see why. Its simplicity is its strength – with very few ingredients, spaghetti can take you back to your childhood, straight to a village in Italy or to your favourite Italian restaurant.

Two options for you this Valentine’s Day, dallying friend. For cheese lovers, a cacio e pepe is the way to go. The recipe is so simple that it comes together in 15 minutes.

For two people, you’ll need:

-150 grams dry spaghetti

-42 grams (3 tbsp) butter, cubed

-1 tsp ground pepper (freshly ground is best)

-90 grams (1 cup) grated parmesan or pecorino cheese

Start cooking your spaghetti in well-salted water. Set a timer for the pasta to be al dente (you can find this on the packaging but it’s typically around 6 minutes).

Meanwhile, melt 2/3 of the butter in a skillet on medium heat. Once melted, add the pepper and toast in the butter for about 1 minute until fragrant. Add a ladle full of pasta cooking water to the skillet and let it simmer on low heat.

Once the pasta is cooked, drain and add it to the sauce along with the rest of the butter. When the butter melts, turn the heat down to low and add the grated cheese. Stir until a creamy sauce comes together. Serve with extra grated cheese on top.

A second option for vegans and others avoiding dairy is your classic tomato sauce. This is great in the winter because you can make it with canned tomatoes, but it also takes a bit more time to cook, because you need to simmer the sauce to get any acidity out.

For two people, you’ll need:

-150 grams dry spaghetti

-1 can of crushed or diced tomatoes (Italian is best)

-half a white or yellow onion, chopped

-3 cloves garlic, minced (more if you’re sure your date can handle it)

-1 pinch sugar

-1 tsp dry basil or oregano (or both if you want more flavour)

-60 ml olive oil

Heat the olive oil in a skillet over medium heat. Sauté the garlic and onions until soft and translucent. Add the can of tomatoes, the dry herbs and the sugar to the pan and season with salt and pepper. Let simmer for 10-15 minutes or until the sauce tastes sweet and all the acidity has gone.

Cook the pasta until it’s al dente and top with the sauce, lots of parmesan cheese (or a vegan alternative) and fresh basil.

Dessert: Chocolate mug cake / Strawberries and champagne

Chocolate has been associated with love and romance since long before Valentine’s Day was a thing. Cocoa powder became popular in the Aztec Empire, where it was consumed as an unsweetened beverage and believed to have medicinal properties.

The sweet treats are still the most popular gifts for the day of love, containing the natural mood boosters phenylethylamine and serotonin, which make people feel good.

For a simple, homemade chocolate dessert, wow your date with a chocolate mug cake. It comes together in 7 minutes and can be made entirely in the microwave, so you won’t see any carnage in the kitchen. Try this recipe from Downshiftology.

For two people, you’ll need:

-48 grams (1/2 cup) almond flour

-30 grams (4 tbsp) cocoa powder

-15 ml (4 tbsp) maple syrup

-2 tsp coconut oil

-2 tsp vanilla extract

-2 large eggs

All you have to do is add all the ingredients to a measuring cup, mix well and divide evenly into two large mugs. Then put them in the microwave one at a time for 1-2 minutes or until the cake is cooked through. Top with whipped cream and berries if you’re feeling fancy.

Now if that’s too much effort for the end of the night, no sweat. If all else fails, you can finish off your evening by popping a bottle of bubbly and eating some fresh strawberries.

Because classics never go out of style.

Now go forth and prosper, procrastinating friends. Happy Valentine’s Day!

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Feb. 10, 2023 – Cancer is not just a devastating personal diagnosis. It reaches beyond, into everyday relationships with complex social rules and even its own vocabulary. It’s a disease that has touched just about everyone in some shape or form and still, few people want to think about it, let alone talk about it.

There’s no “one size fits all” strategy that addresses when to tell someone that you have or had cancer, how to tell them, and who to tell. Best practices for disclosure in dating and intimate relationships, in the workplace, or even with friends can vary by cancer type, age, or context. But regardless of who you ask – psychologists, career experts, or patients themselves – one common thread exists: It’s personal.

Relationships, Timing, and Vulnerability

Discussing one’s cancer can be difficult, especially when it comes to relationships and dating. The American Cancer Society points to challenges like feeling unattractive because one’s appearance has changed, problems with sexual function (e.g., vaginal dryness, inability to sustain an erection, or fertility issues), fear of being naked in front of someone else, and questions around finding someone who has an interest in dating someone who has or has had cancer.

“When it comes to dating someone for the first time, the question of whether or not to discuss one’s cancer status depends on [if] you think that it’s a friendship that is going somewhere, a relationship that has potential for growth,” explains Anita Astley, a licensed marriage and family therapist and author of Unf*ck Your Life and Relationships.

Samantha Cummis, a 53 year-old breast cancer survivor with BRCA mutations, says she “typically would not tell somebody right away, unless it comes up, like people are talking about their family and [mention] ‘my sister had cancer,’ and then I wouldn’t hold back. Or if someone asks, “why don’t you have children,” I might bring it up then.” (As part of her treatment, Cummis had her ovaries removed.) Cummis believes that holding back for too long, especially if the relationship is going strong after the first few dates, might raise issues about trust.

But she also emphasizes that context is essential. A person with stage IV lung cancer who is a 10-year survivor might have a different take on dating than she as a 15-year survivor with scars that she says are sexual in nature.

“I have to tell someone I’m with before I take my shirt off,” she says.

Patty Moran, PhD, a clinical psychologist at the University of California-San Francisco’s Helen Diller Family Comprehensive Cancer Center, says “keeping it a secret is a real burden. If somebody is going to have a bad reaction or not going to be accepting or supportive, there comes a point where it’s better to know than not; you don’t want to move on with a relationship and then find out months and months down the road that somebody is going to have a bad reaction.”

Fortunately, research suggests that fears about how someone responds to the information do not always equate to reality. Findings from a study examining people’s interest in dating a cancer survivor show that single and divorced people are as likely to be interested in a date with a cancer survivor as someone without a cancer history, unless they are still in active treatment. In these cases, widowed people expressed little interest in dating a survivor, mostly because they had already experienced the loss of a loved one. This is where age comes into play.

“If you’re in your late 20s or 30s, you can go – you know, four or five dates,” she says. I think that when you are older, maybe on the first or second date; if that person is not going to be able to deal with it, then there’s no point in pursuing other dates with them,” says Astley.

Thirty-seven-year-old Steve Rubin’s experience is altogether different from Cummis. Diagnosed with a rare bone cancer (osteosarcoma) at age 30, Rubin says that it came at a time when his career was soaring and he was engaged to be married.

Despite a postponed wedding and several recurrences since, Rubin often counts his blessings.

“I got very lucky that my wife was just rock solid and fortunately we have had years and years to build a really solid foundation. But if you don’t have that solid foundation, then I think you do the best you can,” he says.

It’s important to avoid underestimating the magnitude of a cancer diagnosis. “It’s a huge thing; the person has to be on board for it. If they’re the type of person who’s meant to be with you, then that’s amazing,” says Rubin. “And if they’re not, then focus on your health first, on your personal development next, and put it into developing the type of life that somebody wants to join – not out of pity – but because you’ve focused on making yourself a good person.”

Having a game plan for how you might respond to a person’s reaction(s) can also be helpful.

“I’ve had to learn to leave space for people to process the weight of my story,” says Rubin, something that his wife has helped him with.

Navigating Work and Careers

Many of the considerations around dating also apply to the workplace.

Rebecca Nellis, executive director of the nonprofit Cancers and Careers, says that where and when you disclose is a choice. “It may change over time, in the evolution of how you see yourself, how your treatment is going, what you need, how your workplace is reacting to what you have or haven’t shared.” This is especially true for online spaces.

“The way that people disclose online has an impact on relationships and dating, as well as on the employment space,” Nellis emphasizes, noting that it’s important to consider whether you’d be comfortable with a current or future colleague knowing your story. “If it was on the front page of your favorite news site, would you be OK?”

Finally, to avoid any potential landmines:

Be strategic. Locate any materials that might have been provided in the initial days of being hired, e.g., policies and procedures or employee handbooks. Discuss physical or mental limitations with your health care team and check out company policies for health leave and absences. It’s also important to check out the Americans with Disabilities Act, which provides a federal safety net for people with disabilities.
Decide who you are going to tell. Nellis says that people often disclose to their managers versus an HR person. On one hand, it makes sense; this is the person who is closest to their day-to-day work and assigning deadlines and projects. On the other, HR people typically go through some sort of training and are much closer to company policy. It’s helpful to consider if the manager will know what to do or if they can be a helpful ally and advocate in going to HR. When it comes to colleagues, the same rings true; you may decide to share some information with certain people or only a few. It often depends on cancer type and comfort levels. An important rule of thumb is to assess how colleagues have been treated in complicated situations at work.
Don’t forget that everyone’s different. While some people can’t imagine disclosing, others share a lot of information. Like relationships, the workplace can be another setting to derive support and feel more like yourself.

“Disclosure is a packet, not necessarily a one-time thing,” says Moran. Regardless of the environment or context, “you can disclose a lot or a little right from the start. Just be compassionate with yourself about how hard interpersonal communication is. If you stumble, it’s OK, just trust yourself.”

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