STEALTH ATTACK: While Europeans Sleep, Americans Flood Twitter With Things They Can’t Understand

Europeans love to remind Americans that they are ‘more cultured’ than we are. Americans, in return, love to remind Europe that we don’t give a single damn what they think about us. As long as we are footing most of the bill for NATO, we like to tell them what Col. Nathan R. Jessup said to Daniel Caffey in ‘A Few Good Men’:

‘I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom that I provide and then questions the manner in which I provide it. I would rather that you just said ‘thank you’ and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a weapon and stand the post. Either way, I don’t give a DAMN what you think you’re entitled to.’

Right on, Colonel.

Yet earlier this week, a social media trend started popping up on Twitter, citing things Europeans know that America just can’t understand. We’re not sure why, no one can really ever explain these things, but you can bet America was not likely to take it lying down. Last night, America struck back … HARD.

We think this is the tweet that might have started it all: 

We don’t know who this account is. It says it’s located in Virginia but it has Australian and Ukrainian flags. Whatever, it’s confusing. So is the ‘joke’ it tried to make. Umm, it’s a hot pot. Big deal. What’s so hard to understand about that? 

No matter what the point of that tweet was, it was GAME ON from there, as America took over the trend on Twitter with hilarious memes and gifs. (And the ‘Europeans are sleeping…’ part of us made us proud. As proud as we are about George Washington crossing the Delaware in the middle of the night — on Christmas — to defeat the British.) 

Here are some of our favorites: 


That’s just gorgeous. Those pictures make us want to belt out America The Beautiful at the top of our lungs. 

OK. Some funny things may go on at certain Bass Pro Shops in America. But they are OUR Bass Pro Shops and Europe has nothing like them. 

Looooong, hot showers are as American as apple pie. And we like to have them every day, unlike SOME European countries we could name [cough–France–cough]. 

We LOVE our air-conditioning. It keeps us from getting all hot and sweaty like everyone will be at the Paris Olympics this summer. 

Of course, it wouldn’t be America without many people standing up for our Second Amendment rights. 

Buffy the Vampire Slayer is ALSO an American. Just sayin’.

Oh, we want that. Badly. 

That’s so beautiful, it brings a tear to our eye. 

Of course, all those guns really mean just one thing: 

God bless you, Florida Man. You ARE America. 

People also were quick to point out the superiority of American food. 

An American tradition unlike any other. Joey Chestnut is a HERO. 

We KNOW Europeans don’t get biscuits and gravy. They admitted it earlier this week. 

Europeans, for the most part, don’t know how to make good fries … which are NOT chips. 

Even our water and drinks are better. Because we know how to keep them cold. 

And then there are the obvious advantages of American personal and dental hygiene. 

Let’s not forget America’s pastime, which Europeans definitely don’t understand (OK, we don’t understand cricket either, but we know the matches can be interminable).

And no matter how many other countries adopt the metric system, America never will. Because it’s dumb. 

Interstate trucking, dogs in big trucks, waffles with maple syrup, and … armadillos packing heat. That is AMERICA, BABY. 

Let’s hope so. It is always under attack, but we will never give it up.  

Check and mate. 

We’ll take the American Bald Eagle over a European swallow (carrying or not carrying coconuts) any day of the week and twice on Sunday. 

God bless America. And better luck next time, Europe. 

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