Military Secretaries Just Wishing Tommy Tuberville Would Stop Literally ‘Aiding And Abetting’ America’s Enemies

Yesterday, Wonkette had yet another story about Alabama bumpkin Republican Senator Tommy Tuberville effectively taking Russia’s side in its demonic war on Ukraine, using brain-damaged football analogies to explain his idiot opinions. As usual, we say it’s a real bitch when you send a coach to do an actual teacher’s job.

But there’s another piece of Tuberville news this week, related to the ongoing damage he’s doing to American national security by holding up hundreds of Pentagon nominations and promotions over the Pentagon’s abortion policy. Tuberville is under the mistaken impression that the small god he worships is upset about the Pentagon reimbursing travel expenses for servicemembers who need abortions, now that the illegitimate partisan hack Supreme Court has confiscated that constitutional right.

Tommy Tuberville’s Babbling Alabama Translations Of Russian Propaganda Are The Duolingo Course Literally Nobody Asked For

Tommy Tuberville’s Babbling Alabama Translations Of Russian Propaganda Are The Duolingo Course Literally Nobody Asked For

Tommy Tuberville's Little Dumbass Anti-Abortion Game Doing Great Things For Military Readiness, Alabama

Tommy Tuberville’s Little Dumbass Anti-Abortion Game Doing Great Things For Military Readiness, Alabama

The secretaries of the Army, the Navy, and the Air Force are now weighing in on Tubs and his little stunt, with an op-ed in the Washington Post and interview on CNN.

Here are some mean quotes about Tuberville from Navy Secretary Carlos Del Toro, Army Secretary Christine Wormuth, and Air Force Secretary Frank Kendall:

[P]lacing a blanket hold on all general and flag officer nominees, who as apolitical officials have traditionally been exempt from the hold process, is unfair to these military leaders and their families.

And it is putting our national security at risk.

Thus far, the hold has prevented the Defense Department from placing almost 300 of our most experienced and battle-tested leaders into critical posts around the world.

The secretaries explain that the Army, Navy, and Marines don’t have confirmed chiefs right now, and that acting chiefs don’t have the “full range of legal authorities necessary to make the decisions that will sustain the United States’ military edge.”

They note that “many generals and admirals are being forced to perform two roles simultaneously,” and that Tuberville’s little tantrum is “exacting a personal toll on those who least deserve it.”

Look at the pain Tommy Tuberville is causing because that idiot thinks his imaginary God is going to reward him in heaven for saving unborn babies:

We know officers who have incurred significant unforeseen expenses and are facing genuine financial stress because they have had to relocate their families or unexpectedly maintain two residences.

Military spouses who have worked to build careers of their own are unable to look for jobs because they don’t know when or if they will move. Children haven’t known where they will go to school, which is particularly hard given how frequently military children change schools already.

These military leaders are being forced to endure costly separations from their families — a painful experience they have come to know from nearly 20 years of deployments to places such as Iraq and Afghanistan.

All because of the actions of a single senator.

What an awful, awful human being.

The secretaries talk about the deleterious effects this is having on junior officers, and how this may well rob the Defense Department of the generals and admirals it will need down the road.

All because of one stupid coach who escaped his football field.

On CNN, Secretary Kendall said, “Our potential adversaries are paying attention” and related the story of an Air Force general he says was “taunted” by a Chinese colonel “about the way our democracy was working.”

Secretary Del Toro said that having been “born in a communist country, I would have never imagined one of our own senators would actually be aiding and abetting communist and other autocratic regimes around the world.”

We should watch that one:

Here’s some more:

“This is having a real negative impact and will continue to have an impact on our combat readiness,” said Del Toro, who was born in Cuba. “That is what the American people truly need to understand.”

“It is just unprecedented to be attacking apolitical general officers and flag officers in this way. It is taking our apolitical military … and eroding its foundations,” Wormuth added.

Any person with an ounce of shame who actually was Team America would have dropped this little crusade months ago, and certainly after that op-ed and CNN interview.

Instead Tubs is whining to whoever will listen that none of these secretaries are calling him and begging him to stop.

To CNN, he said, “It is concerning that you got people that are in secretary positions like that, that would say something like that in our country, instead of getting on the phone and calling me and saying, ‘Coach, what are you doing?’ It just makes no sense.”

To the AP, he said the secretaries they should have called him first “if you’re gonna run your mouth in the paper.” That’s right, the man damaging our national security who can’t seem to stop licking Vladimir Putin’s ass is accusing the secretaries of the armed forces of running their mouths in the paper.

Noted. And fuck you.

“I have not heard from any of them,” he said.

If they were truly worried about readiness at such a dangerous time for the world “you would think they would be calling, ‘Coach, let’s work this out.’ Zero,” said Tuberville, a former college football coach.

Nobody’s going to call this sniveling yokel “Coach,” and literally nobody owes him a personal phone call. Sorry, but the United States military isn’t going to be extorted by some pissant redneck named Tubs.

But here’s the thing!

According to the AP, they have reached out, in a number of ways. The op-ed and the CNN interview weren’t their first salvo. A senior military official and Defense official tell AP there have been “multiple attempts by both the department’s top civilian leaders and its top uniformed personnel to try and show Tuberville how the holds are doing harm.” There have been meetings with Tuberville. Defense Secretary Lloyd Austin has called him three times. Pentagon staff has called. There’s contact between congressional committees and the Pentagon.

There’s all kinds of contact!

And yet Tuberville is just giving pigfuck comments to the press telling them that during the August break, he went to six states and “I didn’t have one negative comment from anybody. I had questions, but I didn’t have any negative comments.”

As if Bubba the bait shop manager in Guntersville has anything salient to add about the effects of Tuberville’s military holds on American national security.

Here’s that ignorant hick responding last night to the secretary of the Navy by telling Laura Ingraham that “right now, we are so woke in the military, we’re losin’ recruits right and left. Secretary Del Toro over the Navy, he needs to get to buildin’ ships, he needs to get to recruiting, and he needs to get wokeness out of our Navy.”

Tuberville added, “We’ve got people doin’ poems on aircraft carriers over the loudspeaker!”

We imagine “doin’ poems” would seem pretty woke for a coach like Tuberville.

Somehow we reckon he didn’t spend a lot of his time at Auburn in the English building.

[Washington Post / CNN / AP / video via Acyn]

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