It’s The 2024 Republican Primary, And Everyone’s A Loser!

As we keep getting further and closer to the eventual Republican presidential primary debates, we have no shortage of Republicans jumping into the already cramped clown car. Let’s take a look at the three we saw this Sunday!

Bottom Of The Barrel

We begin with Donald Trump’s former loyal sycophant Vice President, “Hanging” Mike Pence, on Fox News Sunday.

Host Shannon Bream began by pointing out how Pence is unable to reach the base of Republican voters (on account of the whole wanted to murder him on January 6 thing) and that he’s still in single digits in the polls. So what “bold” strategy does Pence have to get elected?

PENCE: […] I authored the first legislation to defund Planned Parenthood that had ever been authored and passed in the House of Representatives. […]

Not sure pointing out you were first in line to snatch away women’s bodily autonomy is a winning strategy with independents there, Mikey.


Bream followed up by asking further about Pence’s theocratic stance on abortion, pointing out he wants a 15-week national abortion ban (so much for “states’ rights”). Bream then read a USA Today article showing polls pointing out Pence’s (and most of the GOP’s) abortion policies are actually very, very unpopular.

BREAM: “Americans overwhelmingly oppose […] a federal law banning abortion nationwide. By 80 percent to 14 percent, those surveyed opposed the idea, including 65 percent of Republicans and 83 percent of independents.” So how do you sell this to the American public that, according to these numbers, doesn’t want a national ban?

So how did Pence react when confronted with these statistical facts?

PENCE: This weekend we are celebrating a historic victory […] when one year ago, the Supreme Court of the United States sent Roe vs. Wade to the ash heap of history. […] I couldn’t be more proud of the some 20 states that have advanced protections for the unborn and support for women facing crisis pregnancy. […] As men and women step forward for office in the Republican Party all across the country, that we speak with clarity about a commitment to the sanctity of life. That we make it clear we’ll stand on principle, but we’ll also stand with compassion. […] That’s how we are gonna win hearts and minds. […] I also think it’s a winning issue.

It’s not. She just showed him that it’s not. These people are not good at taking in new information.

Pence also supported Sen. Tommy Tuberville holding military promotions hostage over abortion policy because religious fundamentalism outweighs whatever hollow pandering “support our military” slogan that Republicans blather out.

It’s clear that Pence is just gonna keep spewing the same canned, rehearsed garbage that ensured he was a horrible talk radio host, governor of Indiana and single-termvice president. All with Pence’s trademark disingenuous smirk someone mistakenly told him was “charming” rather than smugly condescending. It will be a genuine pleasure to watch Pence’s political career truly be sent to the “ash heap of history” once and for all.

Hail Mary

Meanwhile, over on ABC’s “This Week,” former New Jersey Governor Chris Christie was continuing his Sisyphean attempt to win the Republican presidential nomination.

Host Jonathan Karl asked thorough questions regarding Russia’s almost coup, the continuing Ukraine conflict, and Christie’s differing view from Pence on abortion.

But we’re going to focus on Karl asking Christie about being booed in New Hampshire while speaking to GOP voters and criticizing Donald Trump. Karl, in light of this reception, asked if Christie thinks his message is resonating. Christie gave an answer that was very optimistic for himself.

CHRISTIE: Absolutely evidence it’s resonating, Jonathan. I’ve been in the race for less than three weeks and have already in third place in New Hampshire, only four points behind Ron DeSantis, who’s been in the race for a longer time and is supposed to be the co-front-runner. […]

Christie sure has high hopes.

But we don’t know if that’s as successful for Christie as he believes it is when Trump is beating everyone by more than 34 points and Christie’s “third place” is single digits. If anything, the latest New Hampshire poll reflects the ever-faster plummeting of DeSantis’s campaign.

After criticizing Trump’s latest incoherent speech, Christie gave a preview of what his general election strategy would be if he ever makes it that far.

CHRISTIE: This guy [Trump] lost in ’18. He lost the Senate and the White House in ’20. The House in ’18. He lost two more governorships and the Senate race in 2022. He is a three-time loser. We do not need our party to go to a fourth loss because Joe Biden, in my opinion, Jon, is an awful president. And we can’t afford to have him from age 82 to 86 in the White House or even worse have Kamala Harris assume the presidency. That’s the stakes here.

While we are here for any time people are reminded that Trump is a huge loser whose only real victory was getting elected in 2016, Christie’s critique of Biden is precisely why some in the GOP are freaking out about Trump being the nominee. They would love to run on Biden’s age, but Trump being the nominee takes that away due to his age.

Long Shot

We conclude with this week’s newest entry to the Republican presidential primary race: Former Texas Congressman Will Hurd.

Also appearing on ABC’s “This Week,” Hurd gave an interview placing himself in the very crowded “moderate” lane. Since Wonkette has written many times about how much Will Hurd sucks previously, we’ll just summarize with this tweet from Tim Miller of The Bulwark regarding Florida Sen. Rick Scott possibly entering this race.

When your candidacy’s low standing is being used to measure how badly delusional someone else’s is, maybe you shouldn’t waste everyone’s time.

We’ll save our readers’ time by not wasting more of theirs.

Have a week.

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Republicans Are The Lannisters Of American Politics

The HBO series “Game Of Thrones” dominated television until it ended with mixed feelings in 2019. Despite the sword and sorcery elements, the series managed to engage a wide audience through its political intrigue as the ruling houses schemed to win everything.

One of those houses, the Lannisters, was rich, incestuous and ruthless — similar to the Republican Party except Republicans have few if any of the Lannisters’ positive traits.

The Lannisters, Unlike The Republicans, “Always Pay Their Debts”

The Lannisters’ unofficial motto of “A Lannister always pay his debts” is a fine financial position but also a warning to enemies that they will always settle the score. While Republicans certainly settle their political scores, keeping a promise for repayment is more tenuous, which Republican Rep. Byron Donalds from Florida demonstrated on NBC’s “Meet The Press.”


Donalds decried the Biden Administration and the Democratic Party for not just blankly giving in to the Republicans’ every demand as they hold the world’s financial stability hostage. But all the talking points collapsed after Chuck Todd played a clip of then-President Trump discussing the debt ceiling.

Donalds comes from the same political cesspool as Matt Gaetz and Ron DeSantis, so he gave the game away with zero shame.

DONALDS: Well, first of all, he also said the other day on a rival network that he said that when he was president, and when they asked why he wasn’t saying it now, he said because he’s not president. Listen, Donald Trump is always negotiating —

TODD: Do you realize how absurd that sounds?

DONALDS: That is not absurd. He’s always negotiating, Chuck.

TODD: How is that not absurd? It’s absurd.

DONALDS: Chuck, he’s always negotiating. That’s what he does. And it’s actually one of the reasons why so many deals for our country worked out to our benefit, as compared to his predecessors, both Republican and Democrat, because he’s always negotiating.

TODD: But do you realize how partisan that sounds?

DONALDS: That is not a partisan statement.

TODD: “What is – what is good for me is not for thee.” He’s basically saying, “When I’m president, –

DONALDS: Right.

You know how stupid and nakedly partisan you have to be for anyone in mainstream political media to call it out, much less Chuck “Both Sides” Todd?!

Donalds then tried a little whataboutism that was so provenly false that Chuck Fucking Todd corrected him (again).

TODD: – there’s no negotiating on this. But, hey, when somebody else is president, screw them.”
DONALDS: Well, no, here’s the thing. Let’s be – let’s be realistic now. When Donald Trump was negotiating debt ceiling with Nancy Pelosi, mind you, they negotiated that.
TODD: No, they didn’t.
DONALDS: When they were –
TODD: They raised it without any restrictions.

Losing an argument to Chuck Todd should be an everlasting political wound, like Jamie Lannister’s right hand.

The Republicans’ Lannister-Like Cruelty And Greed

Republicans, like the fictional Lannisters, think they can somehow “shit gold” by just doing cuts that hurt everyone but the rich. Republicans said as much when a reporter asked about raising revenue to “solve” their manufactured debt crisis last week.

When Republicans claim small businesses and family finances are like the federal government’s budget (they aren’t), they conveniently ignore that real world small businesses and families would have to also bring in more revenue to get out of debt. You either raise prices (businesses) or get a raise/second job (families).

The House Budget Committee Chair, Rep Jodey Arrington of Texas, was happy to show his unseriousness on ABC’s “This Week.”

RADDATZ: Well, the President said he’s willing to cut spending by more than a trillion dollars. […] But he also wants Republicans to consider raising revenue. That has been a non-starter for Republicans. But will you reconsider?

ARRINGTON: No, because you couldn’t get tax policies and tax revenues in the Senate bill. We certainly weren’t going to put it in the House bill. So […] it’s not on the table for discussion.

Then there’s full-time podcaster/part-time Republican Sen. Ted Cruz on “Fox News Sunday” spitting out all kinds of bullshit, unchallenged by host Shannon Bream.

It’s not a surprise that this lie was long debunked. But Cruz continued trying to scaremonger to protect the wealthy with some stats on revenue and spending.

CRUZ: In 2017, total government spending was about $4 trillion dollars, tax revenues were about $3.3 trillion dollars. So, we had about a $700 billion dollar deficit. Fast forward to today, total government spending has gone from $4 trillion dollars all the way up to nearly $7 trillion dollars. We nearly doubled government spending since 2017. What has tax revenue done? They’ve gone from $3.3 trillion dollars to right about $5 trillion dollars.

Lyin’ Ted Cruz “conveniently” skipped the $4.9 trillion Trump added, $1.9 of it being tax cuts for the rich by fast-forwarding from 2017 to today, as if the Trump administration never existed.

Cruz’s hate for IRS agents is also to shield his rich sugar daddies, as Treasury Secretary Janet Yellen made clear on “Meet The Press.”

YELLEN: We have an enormous gap between the taxes we’re collecting and what we should be collecting, if everyone paid the taxes that they really owe. And that’s really a reflection of tax fraud. It amounts to an estimated $7 trillion over the next decade. […] equipping the IRS with the funding they need to audit high-income individuals and corporations, that’s something that doesn’t cost money. It nets money substantially […]

For Republicans, protecting tax fraud by the rich and corporations is better when you can also be cruel to poor people and marginalized groups.

And there’s no sign that a single Tyrion Lannister resides within the Republican Party.

Have a week.



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A Former And Current Democrat Wrestle Against A Moral Universe

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. once said, “The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward justice.” It is a favorite quote of former Pres. Barack Obama (who had it woven into his White House rug) and cited by other politicians, often around MLK Day. But despite its good sentiment, some scholars have noted the meaning was taken out of context to excuse inaction all for a dream of “justice” we might never see in this world.

So, let’s keep this debate in mind when we discuss two specific guests on this week’s Sunday shows.

It’s the Kyrsten Sinema Show!

The senior senator from Arizona, part-time reseller and full-time asshole made a rare appearance on a Sunday show to answer some questions. She also made sure it was at the McCain Institute in front of a live audience with CBS’s “Face The Nation” so that she could receive maximum attention while being the feckless senator we all know.


For example, when Sinema criticized the Biden Administration’s border policy, host Margaret Brennan mentions an immigration bill Sinema and Sen. James Lankford of Oklahoma introduced. But when asked about passing it before Title 42 expires, Sinema joked about the uselessness of the Senate.

SINEMA: Oh, God, no, Margaret. This is the United States Senate. (laughter)

BRENNAN: That’s what I was saying.

SINEMA: I don’t think you can get agreement on a restroom break by next Thursday. The United States Senate is functioning at a fairly dysfunctional level right now.

Hahahahaha! Isn’t it truly hilarious that the people elected to govern can’t do a single thing?! And that they not only know they won’t take action to help their constituents but find it a joke??! Just hilarious, Sinema. Hardy Har Har …

Sinema was asked about Republicans holding the full faith and credit of the US hostage for draconian cuts with the debt ceiling and she outlined the real problem — “both sides.”

While Sinema admitted Biden is correct to want a “a clean debt limit to meet the full faith and responsibility of the United States of America,” she blamed him for not prioritizing Kevin McCarthy’s political career over destroying the American people’s lives or the global financial system.

SINEMA: […] Kevin McCarthy, as we all saw, took him a long time to become Speaker. Barely squeaked by with the votes, had to make a lot of concessions to get the job and he has a very, very narrow road to walk. So he has to thread a needle where he can get the votes he needs to pass a debt limit increase and continue to be Speaker. […] Reality is the bill that Kevin and his colleagues passed through the House is not going to be the solution. The votes do not exist in the United States Senate to pass that. But what the president is offering is not a realistic solution either. There’s not going to be just a simple clean debt limit. The votes don’t exist for that. […]

The votes DO exist to pass a clean limit, Sinema. You just need all the House Democratic votes and enough sane Republicans for a majority. But the reason that someone like Sinema or McCarthy can’t see that is because anything that doesn’t advance their careers or risks political power for their constituents is not seen as a solution.

Ironically, Sinema’s Senate career and McCarthy’s speakership might be over soon due to that very calculus.

Dick Durbin: The Susan Collins of Chuck Schumers

Speaking of political inaction, Senate Judiciary chair Dick Durbin was on CNN’s “State of The Union” with Jake Tapper.

Tapper asked Durbin about what Congress can do to solve the gun violence that led to ANOTHER mass shooting in Texas on Saturday.

DURBIN: There is something more that America can do, and it’s called an election.

Oh, fuck you, Dick. Your answer to why Congress can’t meet the demands for action from the majority of Americans tired of gun violence is “vote harder”?? Fuck off! Americans are united. It’s Congress who isn’t.

Even in a Fox news poll.

Record-breaking election turnouts in 2018,2020 and 2022 is why Durbin even has a chairmanship. Voters are doing/have done everything they can only to have their votes “rewarded” by political apathy.

But that’s too much to ask from someone like Durbin. When asked about Clarence Thomas’s recent revelations, Durbin at best could muster mild disappointment.

TAPPER: Some of your fellow Democrats on Capitol Hill say that this seems to go beyond ethical lapses; it rises to the level of corrupt behavior. Is that a word you would use, corrupt?

DURBIN: Well, I can tell you that the conclusion most people would reach is that this tangled web around Justice Clarence Thomas just gets worse and worse by the day. […] The question is whether it embarrasses the Supreme Court and the Chief Justice. […] This is the Roberts court, and history is going to judge him by the decision he makes on this. He has the power to make the difference.

History? You’re the Senate Judiciary Committee chair! It’s YOUR job, you feckless fossil! If you are waiting on history, which if I remember is written by the victors, we are all doomed.

Durbin, who can’t even stand up to end the bullshit blue slips, also made an idle threat about taking action about Thomas on Twitter like a telephone tough guy.

Tapper, who is no progressive, seemed almost as frustrated by this when he asked about Dianne Feinstein’s return to the Senate and let his inner sauciness out on Durbin’s bullshit about Feinstein’s wishes over the needs of the American people.

Republicans are pursuing evil, but politicians like Durbin and Sinema help gatekeep progress through incrementalism instead of fighting hard.

And Dick Durbin should know better.

Have a week.

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The Flat Circle Of Republican Stupidity

Republicans long for a past that never was, and this inevitably leads them to sound like idiots as they twist themselves into pretzels trying to rationalize their calls for societal regression. Need examples? Let’s look at some in the Sunday shows!

We’re Not Book Burning, You’re the Book Burning!

Republican National Committee Chair Ronna Romney McDaniel was on “Fox News Sunday,” and while discussing the party’s post 2022 debrief report, she said a few things that were surprisingly truthful.

MCDANIEL: […] biggest takeaway we are taking is independents did not break our way, which has to happen if we’re going to win in 2024, which usually that’s what causes that red wave. And abortion was a big issue in key states like Michigan and Pennsylvanian. […] Republicans are migrating. They are migrating to red states. […] But it means the White House electorally isn’t available to us unless we go through a purple or blue state. And those states are getting bluer, because red voters are moving to the red states. […] the path to the White House runs not just through independents, but every single Republican getting on board.

It’s pretty shocking to hear anyone in the RNC, much less its chairperson, point out an objective reality. So what different actions or rhetoric do they plan to use to better their chances in 2024? Like, for example, abortion:


MCDANIEL: […] What abortion is a bad idea to Democrats? Ninth month, eighth month, seventh month? They can’t even articulate an abortion that’s a bad idea. Gender selection, if it’s a girl, you get to abort it. Tax-funded abortions for people where it’s against their religious conscience. […]

Nothing, then. They plan on changing nothing and expecting different results. If only there was a phrase for that.

Actually, correction, they do have another political strategy: The ole’ “we’re rubber, you’re glue”!

When asked about Republican attacks on trans people, which are politically unpopular, McDaniel attempted some very strained whataboutism.

MCDANIEL: […] the Democrats are using this word book banning. […] That’s a lie. There isn’t book banning. What Republicans are doing are protecting our children and parental rights […] But it’s good to know the Democrats playbook and we’re going to push on that, especially coming from the Democrat party that is banning freedom of speech, that is canceling people, that is destroying your life if you don’t think with their orthodoxy. This is the Democrat Party who is saying if you think outside of the box and everything, we are dictating to you, you will make you lose your job, we will destroy you.

Republicans have literally been fighting Disney because it dared exercised free speech, made book banning much easier, extended Florida’s “Don’t Say Gay” bigotry, and threatened to separate children from parents who are not bigoted toward their trans kids. But, sure, it’s the Democrats who are “destroying anyone who doesn’t conform to orthodoxy and taking their jobs while threatening to destroy them.”

Speaking of, how’s that dirt file on fired Fox News host Tucker Carlson?

Let’s Default Our National Debt!

House Republican Whip Tom Emmer appeared on CNN’s “State of The Union” and wouldn’t directly state that his party won’t force a default on the nation’s debt.

Host Dana Bash tried pointing out specifically how the cuts they want would hurt his constituents, but Emmer made it clear he will ignore them or just blame Nancy Pelosi when the reality doesn’t match his delusions.

GOP’s Vanity Tech Douche Candidate Returns

NBC’s “Meet The Press” had on Republican presidential candidate Vivek Ramaswamy. Although considering his polling, calling him a candidate is a bit too generous, but nonetheless, we are all subjected to his stupidity on TV and expected to take him seriously. So fresh from giving Don Lemon his last good journalistic moment on CNN, Ramaswamy made Chuck Todd look like Walter Cronkite.

When Ramaswamy brings up an example of a person who says their gender doesn’t align with their biological sex, he seems to know the difference between sex and gender. But when Todd questions his stance on gender being binary, Ramaswamy then perhaps deliberately conflates biological sex with gender.

RAMASWAMY: Well, there’s, there’s two X chromosomes if you’re a woman. An X and a Y, that means you’re a man.

TODD: There’s a lot of scientific research out there –

RAMASWAMY: There’s a biological basis for this —

TODD: There’s a lot of scientific research out there that says gender is a spectrum.

RAMASWAMY: Chuck, I respectfully disagree.

Funny how these transphobic clowns want to bring biology into this UNTIL scientific research disputes their transphobia and then they fall back on what they “feel” or disagree just because.

Ramaswamy also equates abortion with murder but says it’s a “states’ right issue.” That’s not how “states’ rights” work, even if a Republican nominee barely polling above skim milk says so.

Asa Hutchinson’s Decimal Points

Speaking of polling, Asa Hutchinson announced he was running for president almost exactly a month ago. He appeared on CNN’s “State Of the Union” this week to call for going back to a Republican Party that died long before Trump came down an escalator in 2015. So how are Republican voters embracing this? We’ll let this picture summarize it.

Can this change for Hutchinson? Likely not when he is polling lower than the fictional Conor Roy in “Succession,” who we actually compared to Hutchinson too optimistically.

Phrasing, Steve Scalise!

When asked about any possible tension between himself and House Speaker Kevin McCarthy on ABC’s “This Week,” Steve Scalise chose an odd way to describe their closeness yet trust.

Could be worse: Scalise could have kept misunderstanding what “raw dog” is.

Have a week



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Joe Tacopina: Trump’s Newest Bad Lawyer

It’s either because he’s a terrible client or never pays his bills or no one wants to be on the losing side, but Donald Trump has an uncanny ability to pick out the worst attorneys to ever pass the bar. His latest legal draft pick: Joseph Tacopina, who appeared on this Sunday’s “Meet The Press” with Chuck Todd.

Similar to an infamous appearance by Rudy Giuliani, Chuck Todd’s oft-suppressed journalistic instincts awakened when given such an incompetent target. The trouble for Tacopina began when Todd asked why Trump got the media and the right-wing into a lather about his impending arrest last week. Tacopina, because he couldn’t just say his client is a bullshit artist who is willing to incite dumbasses to protect his own hide, tried to blame others.

TACOPINA: No, he didn’t make it up, he was reacting towards a lot of leaks coming out of the district attorney’s office. There had been a leak, Chuck, that Monday, the day before that Tuesday, there was a law enforcement meeting, including Secret Service and NYPD, that was going to go through the logistics of the arraignment. […] So he just, I think he just assumed based on those leaks that that’s what was going to happen.

As
Lemony Snicket once wrote, “Assumptions are dangerous things to make, and like all dangerous things to make — bombs, for instance, or strawberry shortcake — if you make even the tiniest mistake you can find yourself in terrible trouble.” Neither Tacopina nor his client have ever learned this lesson, which is why the rest of Tacopina’s answers to Todd’s questions came off as a series of unfortunate events for his credibility. When Todd read some of Trump’s public statements on social media, specifically targeting Manhattan DA Alvin Bragg, Tacopina attempted to change the subject.

TACOPINA: So Chuck, as his lawyer, I want to dissect this case, because it’s a case that shouldn’t be brought and wouldn’t be brought if it were anyone other than Donald Trump, let’s be clear about that. Does anyone actually think […] that anyone else would be prosecuted for making a civil settlement in a hush money case with personal funds? Of course not.

Literally that was what Trump’s former lawyer, Michael Cohen, was prosecuted for and served federal prison time for. The crime, mind you, that was at the direction of and reimbursed by Donald Trump through his businesses and he’s currently being investigated for.

Todd, again, pressed Tacopina about Trump’s attacks on Bragg through social media and Tacopina deflected poorly.

TACOPINA: […] Again, I’m not his social media consultant. I don’t — I think that was an ill-advised post that one of his social media people put up, and he quickly took down when he realized the rhetoric in the photo that was attached to it. But that being said —

TODD: You’re only referring to the baseball bat.

TACOPINA: … I’m not here to defend or support —
TODD: He didn’t take down the other rhetoric. […]

Tacopina then reverted back to his only defense of Trump, mainly that this was “personal funds” and “would have been made payment irrespective of the candidacy or campaign,” which he views as bulletproof for his client. But when Todd pulled his best
Inigo Montoya impression about this “personal funds” argument, Tacopina made a colossal legal mistake that even Todd couldn’t ignore.

TODD: […] So you call it personal funds. It is, in a court of law, it’s been proven —
TACOPINA: It is personal funds.

TODD: — that it was Trump Organization funds.

TACOPINA: It’s personal funds. It was not funds related to the campaign. That’s the distinction —
TODD: But he used a Trump Organization check.

TACOPINA: It’s not campaign finance laws. But Chuck, that’s personal, that’s personal. It has nothing to do with the campaign —

TODD: So everything with the Trump Organization is Donald Trump the person?

TACOPINA: Let’s focus this —

TODD: I mean, you realize the door you’re opening there.

I don’t think Tacopina realized what he did there, Chuck, as his continued answer dug the hole deeper.

TACOPINA: […] These were personal funds. By all accounts, these were personal funds, not campaign funds. It’s personal or campaign – whether Trump Organization, Donald Trump the person, you know, Mar-A-Lago Corporation, whatever it is – they’re personal and not campaign funds. And that’s the key distinction here. If they were campaign funds, we’d be having a different discussion. […]

But, as Todd then pointed out, Tacopina’s client might not be facing campaign finance charges.

Tacopina basically admitted what everyone knows: The Trump family uses his organizations and corporations as their own personal piggy banks, much like they did with the Trump “charities.”

This makes DA Bragg’s case much easier … not that he needs help since he’s done this type of case many times before despite what Trump’s surrogates say.

TODD: But again, what this investigation may end up being is about the, essentially the falsifying business records. Which by the way, this prosecutor has brought over 60 – this one and the previous one – has brought over 60 times over the last four years. This is not an unusual crime to charge somebody with […]

When Todd brought up falsifying business records and ledgers to say the payments were “legal fees,” Tacopina outlined how somehow that was ok in what will probably be what he’s remembered for after all this.

TACOPINA: […] Seriously, what would he personal ledger? “Payment for hush money to quiet an affair that I claim I never had so my family doesn’t get embarrassed.” Is that what he should put in his ledger? There’s no, nothing wrong with putting whatever you want in your ledger […] You’re being petty. […]

Todd ended the segment these clips of a very familiar lawyer saying how this was crime when it was first reported in 2018.

We bet Tacopina wishes his reality show dreams hadn’t flamed out 5 years ago.

Have a week.

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Republican Losers Club Update

The first Republican presidential debates are still a long way to come, but already we have seen those delusional enough to try to run for the 2024 nomination make fools of themselves. Two weeks ago, we saw Nikki Haley face-planting while defending her candidacy on Fox News. Last week, we saw Sen. Tim Scott repeat the same mistake as Haley while Republican National Committee Chair Ronna Romney McDaniel offered up loyalty oaths and failed to condemn coups.

So let’s check up on two more 2024 Republican presidential contenders and see how their early attempts are faring.

Chris Sununu: The Susan Collins Of Mitt Romneys

“Meet The Press” with Chuck Todd hosted New Hampshire Gov. Chris Sununu because he’s considering running for the Republican nomination and the media will give anyone time who says so — especially those who have made their public image being a “good” or “sane” Republican. But this interview did a lot to both prove what a fraud Sununu is and how subservient a lemming he will ultimately be.


Sununu discussed his hopefulness for the future and the next generation of Republicans made up of optimistic, inspirational conservatives. Todd pointed out Sununu had spoken to the Club For Growth, which Todd pointed out supported Donald Trump and all his unhinged MAGA-endorsed candidates in the midterms instead of those that Sununu claims he wants.

Sununu tried again to explain how his supposed “change in approach’ is what the Republican Party really wants, but then Todd pointed out reality and how his sugarplum wishes for different primary voters won’t materialize.

TODD: I understand what you’re trying to do. At the same time you heard the former president at CPAC, and he certainly has as stranglehold on 25 to 35 percent of the party, we can have a debate about the specific number, and you know what those folks want. They want to make liberals cry, right? Like, that’s the message they want. They want that more than they want a big tent. So how do you appeal to those voters?

Sununu kept insisting that Republican primary voters want “leadership that is results-driven, that gets stuff done” and “if there’s that part of the party that wants to, as you said, ‘make liberals cry,’ or whatever it might be, you do it by winning, and you do it by getting stuff done, passing it through Congress, working on both sides.” The problem is that the old days of acting normal to get elected but then passing draconian laws won’t get you elected. You don’t win a primary unless you vow to make “the libs cry,” which then makes it infinitely harder to win the general election when suddenly those liberal and independent voters can tell you to kick rocks.

Sununu was also asked about the RNC’s required loyalty pledge to participate in RNC-sanctioned debates. Did Sununu, like Asa Hutchinson, say how bad the oath is if it supports insurrectionists?

Nope! Sununu will support anyone with an ‘R’ by their name, even if they tried to overthrow the government or actively represent the very things Sununu claims to oppose. Need further proof? Let’s see who Sununu could see winning the Republican nomination today.

SUNUNU: […]Right now if the election were today, Ron DeSantis would win in New Hampshire, there’s no doubt about that in my mind. I think Ron DeSantis would win in Florida. […]

Sununu didn’t say this in disgust or fear but to point out how the “new generation” of DeSantis would defeat Trump, even though ideologically DeSantis is the same as Trump. Sununu is basically selling “New Coke” to replace “Old Coke,” and that is not going to age well.

About as badly as the first time. For the product and the pitch person.youtu.be

Sununu was also asked about the Fox News/Dominion case revelations and he tried to “both sides” the issue, which Chuck Todd disputed (either out of journalism or fear of losing his “both sides” crown).

TODD: Yeah. Intentionally lying to viewers, though, that to me seemed to cross a line.

SUNUNU: Well, look –

TODD: You can make a mistake, but that wasn’t a mistake.

Sununu tried to bring up Hunter Biden’s laptop (which mainstream media never repressed but wanted vetted before reporting on it) and the possibility of COVID-19’s origin in a lab (which was reported based on the credible available evidence at the time). This proves the Wonkette theory of No-Good Republicans still holds strong — that and the Republican obsession with NSFW pics of Hunter Biden.

Pompeo Continued Delusional Tour Continues

Mike Pompeo, like the weasel he is, has been trying to distance himself from Trump and his administration despite leaning heavily on his past experience in said administration to justify his presidential run. Pompeo has hit Trump on the deficit and made a direct jab at CPAC on March 3. On “Fox News Sunday,” Pompeo was more subtle about it. He didn’t mention Trump by name but made the same case.

These are pretty strong words coming from a guy who helped add to that debt while serving as CIA director and secretary of State for the Trump administration. Pompeo was asked by Shannon Bream about his critiques of Trump and again Pompeo made vague allusions to him while avoiding his name.

Pompeo added:

[…] the moment for celebrity, the moment for stars is not with us. It’s the moment for America to go back to it’s conservative founding and it’s conservative ideas. And I am very confident […] we are headed that direction.

Three things:

  1. The Republican Party that has elevated Ronald Reagan, Trump, Fred Thompson, Clint Eastwood, Sonny Bono and Arnold Schwarzenegger have always been “star fuckers.” It’s why they bow for any conservative celebrity when they reveal themselves.
  2. The thing those celebrities have is some type of charisma or charm, which is why they are elected.
  3. Pompeo will never be president.

Have a week.

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Sunday Shows: Post-State Of The Union Rundown

We’ve had a lot of fun since liveblogging President Joe Biden’s State of the Union address. We’ve mocked the official unhinged Republican response,the public ritualistic humiliation of Rick Scott and Mike Lee, as well as the crazy lengths that Tucker Carlson has gone to save the GOP’s face.

The Republicans who appeared on the Sunday shows continued flailing and set themselves up for more mockery. Let’s watch!

Damned If You Do, Damned If You Don’t

On CNN’s “State Of The Union” with Jake Tapper, Chairman of the Intelligence Committee Rep. Mike Turner of Ohio was all to eager to prove us correct when we pointed out Republicans’ bad-faith criticism of the “Chinese Balloon Crisis” last week.

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When Tapper asked about the two flying objects shot down this week over Canada and Alaska, Turner made it clear Republicans have no issue with political inconsistency.

TURNER: Yes, well, I certainly don’t know, as the administration is saying they don’t know. They do appear somewhat trigger-happy, although this is certainly preferable to the permissive environment that they showed when the Chinese spy balloon was coming over some of our most sensitive sites.

“Trigger-happy”?! After all their whining and posturing about shooting at the sky, they have the gall to now act like the Biden Administration is paranoid or “trigger-happy”? Turner, when asked about the discovery of further classified documents on a laptop and thumb drive belonging to a Trump aide, topped his hypocrisy with an extra helping of good ole’ whataboutism.

TURNER: […] They are not to be taken lightly. And we’re just amazed as people keep finding them stuffed in the strangest places like behind Biden’s Corvette. This is —this is clearly a failure of an understanding of how to handle the importance of these documents.

This lack of unseriousness and blatant partisanship is what we have to expect for the next two years.

We Aren’t Cutting Social Security, Just Taking It To A Nice Farm Upstate

Rep. Turner was followed on “State Of The Union” by Sen. Mike Rounds of South Dakota, who wanted to make sure that Biden was wrong about Republicans’ intentions regarding Social Security.

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ROUNDS: […] I think that’s misleading in terms of what he really intended to do. But, look, the bottom line is, is, Republicans want to see Social Security be successful and be improved. […]

Well, you know what, maybe Biden was wrong and Republicans’ intentions are noble, regardless of Rick Scott or Mike Lee. So, what is the senator’s great plan to improve Social Security and make it more successful?

ROUNDS: […] I kind of look at security the way I would at the Department of Defense and our defense spending. We’re never going to not fund defense. But, at the same time, we — every single year, we look at how we can make it better. […]

So Republicans want to fund Social Security on a year-by-year basis?! I’m sure a lot of the seniors reliant on those benefits will be happy to know they’d be dependent on the Republican Party’s political games and whims every year.

I guess a cut by any other name would still make Scott’s shriveled heart flutter.

Influence Peddling Is Bad … Unless It’s Jared Kushner

Over on ABC’s “This Week” with George Stephanopoulos, Chairman of the Oversight Committee Rep. James Comer assured everyone that his committee will take the buying of influence very seriously.

COMER: Now I don’t disagree with the Democrats and their criticism of the previous administration. We have a problem here that needs a legislative solution. That’s why this Biden investigation is so important. There’s a legislative solution to this, and it can be bipartisan. The Democrats complained about Kushner’s foreign dealings. Republicans are certainly complaining about the entire Biden family’s foreign business dealings.

But when Stephanopoulos pushed Comer on why it seems that they’re taking no actions on Kushner or the Trumps (other than lip service), Comer made it clear that his committee is just weaponizing the government for partisanship. Again.

COMER: […] The difference between Jared Kushner and Hunter Biden is that Jared Kushner actually sat down [and] was interviewed. He was interviewed by investigators. So he’s already been investigated. […]

Thankfully, Stephanopoulos did a final fact-check before Comer slimed out the door.

STEPHANOPOULOS: […] I think we only learned of the $2 billion Saudi investment from the Washington Post this morning, at least the details of it.

Unless James Comer’s committee is full of Minority Report pre-crime investigators, it is pretty clear that the congressman’s full of shit.

The Real Meaning of “Woke”

We end with New Hampshire Gov. Chris Sununu on CBS’s “Face The Nation” with Margaret Brennan.

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When asked about Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis’s ongoing culture war against Disney, Sununu tried to describe his opposition to “woke cancel culture.” Brennan asked for a simple explanation of whatever Sununu meant by “woke,” and he quickly descended into gobbledygook.

SUNUNU: It’s the … it’s the divisiveness … divisiveness […] Where it is me versus you. Whereas if you are not adhering to my ideals, then I’m going to cancel you out. It is us versus them. It is this binary, where everything’s a war. […]

Oh! Guess by that logic we can start counting Marjorie Taylor Greene, Tucker Carlson, January 6th insurrectionists, and Ron DeSantis as “woke.”

However, Sununu successfully demonstrated that “woke” and “cancel culture” are right-wing dog whistles that, like “critical race theory,” they can’t coherently describe. Despite his efforts at distancing himself from other Republicans, he also proved our theory that “good Republicans” are not a thing. It is the media’s attempt at “fetch.”

Have a week.

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Joe Manchin: ‘The Most Popular Republican In The Senate’

Fresh from his high five-ing trip with Sen. Kyrsten Sinema to meet with their real constituents in Davos, Sen. Joe Manchin returned to the Sunday shows to assure all of us that HE is the one who will ruin the Democratic Party’s attempts to make a better tomorrow. So let’s check out Joe Manchin and his amazing terrible friends.

Let’s Negotiate With Economic Terrorists

Appearing on CNN’s “State Of The Union,” Manchin is asked about the White House request for a clean debt ceiling bill. Manchin, ever the helpful stooge, took the “we won’t negotiate with Republicans on the debt ceiling” out of context to talk about a need to negotiate in governing. This accidental or willful misunderstanding did not go unnoticed by the side of the aisle all too willing to remove context so they can extort cuts to programs that help people.


But just in case we thought Manchin is only misguided and truly is a part of the solution, the senator from West Virginia quickly disabused us of that notion. When Dana Bash asked if he would support Democratic Rep. Ruben Gallego’s Senate run in Arizona, Manchin made it clear that he would instead support his Senate partner-in-obstruction.

MANCHIN: […] I have been voting for 40 years fairly conservative all the way through, and I think people know I’m in the middle and a centrist. […] I would think that she needs to be supported again, yes, because she brings that independent spirit. […]

Two things:

1) If you have been doing something for 40 years (or as a senator for 12 years) and nothing has drastically improved in your state, you have failed miserably.

2) Contrarianism, in and of itself, is not independence. It’s as dangerous a thing as mistaking speaking without thought, for speaking the truth. Don’t you think?

Speaking of…

Here Comes the “Both Sides” Express!!

Manchin then moved over to NBC’s “Meet The Press” where he proceeded to say stupid things with zero pushback from host Chuck Todd. When commenting on the investigation regarding how Joe Biden handled classifed documents, Manchin expressed what he presumably considered profound insight instead of a lazy false equivalence.

MANCHIN: It’s just hard to believe that in the United States of America we have a former president and current president basically in the same situation.

No, Manchin, they are not in the same situation as it’s been made clear numerous times already.

Manchin is in such a bubble, he made the following statement without seemingly realizing how deluded it is.

Hahahahahahaha! Jesus, Manchin would get crushed in a Democratic (or Republican) primary well before a general election.

Even Rep. Nancy Mace of South Carolina, in the effort to compliment Manchin, basically narrows down why he’s never gonna be President. (Roll Credits)

Mace, herself also tried to “both sides” the classified documents drama, but her effort was so asinine it momentarily woke up the journalist trapped in Chuck Todd’s sunken place.

MACE: Well, I think that’s because there’s no – there’s very little information about Biden. I mean, these documents were hidden for five years. We have very little information, whereas with the former president, everybody knows that those documents existed. They knew where they were. They knew where they were located. […] There was information that was presented to the public about —

TODD: Let me stop you there. We didn’t know where they were located.

MACE: – the number of documents, for example.

TODD: They defied a subpoena, it took a search warrant.

MACE: Well, the FBI and the DOJ —

TODD: In fairness, they didn’t know.

Mace also tried to downplay the possibility of a government shutdown and an economic default if the debt ceiling isn’t raised.

MACE: […] But, you know, this happened under the previous administration. The government was shut down for 35 days. There was a stalemate. But people still got paid. Accounts still got filled up. And the sky didn’t fall. […]

Nothing too bad happened except a threatened downgrade on our credit and an increase in the debt. Totally great, Mace.

On CBS’s “Face The Nation,” Republican Rep. Mike Turner from Ohio tried to “both sides” an insurrection when asked why Republicans seated 19 election deniers on the Oversight Committee.

Remind us again, when was the Democratic insurrection? We must have memory-holed and lost all the footage of liberals marching through the Capitol with coexist flags and screaming in the Senate chambers in Kitara Ravache garb to make John Kerry president.

On ABC’s “This Week,” Republican Rep. Michael McCaul from Texas also tried to assure us like a common Susan Collins that Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene had learned her lesson and would grow into her office.

Who among us has not radically matured from a childlike 44-year-old to a fully grown 49-year-old adult?

But … But … Chicago!

Appearing on CNN’s “State Of The Union,” McCaul tried to downplay the need for gun reforms in the wake of another mass shooting by once again invoking Chicago gun violence. Thankfully, Bash pointed out the patchwork of gun laws in the US and that most of the guns in Chicago come from neighboring states with lax gun laws like Mike Pence’s Indiana.

Some dog whistles will never die.

Have a week.



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