What you should know if there’s no sexual attraction for your partner, according to a therapist | CNN

Editor’s Note: Ian Kerner is a licensed marriage and family therapist, writer and contributor on the topic of relationships for CNN. His most recent book is a guide for couples, “So Tell Me About the Last Time You Had Sex.”



CNN
 — 

A lot of heterosexual male clients are coming into my practice admitting they picked their partner without considering sexual attraction.

During couples therapy sessions with his partner in the room, the man will claim that he doesn’t know why he isn’t experiencing desire. Maybe it’s stress, low testosterone or feeling anxious.

But when I meet with him individually, he often tells a different story. He tells me he picked his partner without prioritizing sexual attraction.

Why would a person pick a potential life partner without feeling the spark of sexual attraction? And can these relationships survive and thrive? Can something like sexual attraction that wasn’t there in the first place be cultivated later?

I’ve talked with many men in their 30s who have told me, “When I found the woman I wanted to marry, she checked all the boxes. Except one.”

Characteristics on that list include “being my best friend,” “will make an amazing mother,” “our friends and families get along so well,” and “she really loves me.” The one box that didn’t get ticked? Sexual attraction — and often the men didn’t even list that quality to start.

I was stunned.

Sexuality is the one thing that really distinguishes a romantic relationship from a platonic one: I find that it’s one kind of “relationship glue” that helps couples stay together through hard times. That’s why I’m puzzled that so many people devalue sex in picking a partner for a long-term relationship.

Research shows that, while physical attractiveness is usually among the most important traits people desire in a romantic partner, it doesn’t actually top the list for men or women,” said Dr. Justin Lehmiller, a research fellow at the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University, a research center dedicated to sexuality. “Traits like intelligence, humor, honesty and kindness are often at least as important, if not more.”

Some men have internalized an “either/or” view of women: those who make great wives and mothers and those who are sexually adventurous, according to Chicago-based sex therapist Dr. Elizabeth Perri.

“I’ve observed this in male patients who are out in the dating world and feel the pressure to pick someone whom they perceive as ‘wife material’ but without sexual attraction, rather than waiting to find a partner who is a better fit both emotionally and sexually,” Perri told me.

This is what you need to fall in love (2014)

Good sex can help protect against psychological distress, including anxiety and depression, helps couples achieve a deeper connection, and improves relationship satisfaction.

“If a relationship is a meal, the sexual portion ought to be considered an integral part of it, such as the protein, instead of a frivolous part like dessert,” says Eva Dillon, a sex therapist based in New York City.

“In my experience, it’s possible for women to cultivate desire for a partner with considerable effort, but if a man does not have desire for his partner at the beginning of a relationship, he will never desire her,” Dillon told me. Why count on sexual attraction coming later when you can prioritize it in a partner and enjoy the benefits from the beginning?”

Still, lower levels of sexual attraction isn’t always a problem for couples, said sexologist Dr. Yvonne Fulbright.

“For some people, a lack of sexual attraction can lead to infidelity or divorce. For others, a lack of sexual attraction only becomes a problem when one tunes into societal expectations around sex and desire,” said Fulbright, who is an adjunct professorial lecturer in the department of sociology at American University in Washington, DC.

“A lot of pressure is being put on couples to maintain active sex lives, and hot ones at that. People have the sense that there’s a type and quality of desire that needs to be achieved, with any disinterest in such considered a problem that needs to be solved.”

Some of my therapist colleagues caution against putting too much emphasis on the importance of immediate sexual attraction.

“We have this misconception that we must be physically attracted to someone when we first meet or there is no relationship potential. That’s just not true,” said sex therapist Dr. Rachel Needle. “Attraction can grow as you get to know someone and experience increased closeness and connection.”

Better way for couples to argue Staying Well _00000411.jpg

The better way for couples to argue (2019)

What should you do if you and your partner are running out of sexual steam? Or if you want to turn up the heat on a relationship that didn’t have any to start with?

Fulbright cautioned against giving any sweeping advice. “Only partners can figure out the best way to manage this challenge in their relationship,” she said.

Non-monogamy may work for some, but not others. Couples need to decide how honest to be with each other, how much this matter is a dealbreaker in staying together versus not, and how much weight should be given to this issue in light of other good things they have going for them,” she added via email.

Don’t feel that all is lost if you’re in a long-term relationship. For some couples, sexual desire can grow over time if they focus on it. “It often isn’t until our 30s that we get comfortable enough to ask for what we want in bed,” Dillon said.

But I refuse to agree with anyone who thinks that married couples will stop having sex anyway so why bother prioritizing sexual attraction.

“Many couples in their 50s can explore and expand their sexuality thanks to maturity and empty nests. For couples in their 60s, 70s and beyond who are able to expand their definition of sex beyond orgasm and co-create intimacy, sex can continue to be vibrant and rich,” Dillon added via email.

And keep in mind, your sexual health is a barometer of your overall health. So if you really are experiencing an inexplicable drop in sexual interest, consider talking to your medical provider. Maybe your testosterone levels really have fallen.

Whatever the source of your lack of sexual interest, just be up front with your partner. Honesty, as it turns out, can be a turn-on (eventually).

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These women ran an underground abortion network in the 1960s. Here’s what they fear might happen today | CNN



CNN
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The voice on the phone in 1966 was gruff and abrupt: “Do you want the Chevy, the Cadillac or the Rolls Royce?”

A Chevy abortion would cost about $200, cash in hand, the voice explained. A Cadillac was around $500, and the Rolls Royce was $1,000.

“You can’t afford more than the Chevy? Fine,” the voice growled. “Go to this address at this time. Don’t be late and don’t forget the cash.” The voice disappeared.

Dorie Barron told CNN she recalls staring blankly at the phone in her hand, startled by the sudden empty tone. Then it hit her: She had just arranged an illegal abortion with the Chicago Mafia.

The motel Barron was sent to was in an unfamiliar part of Chicago, a scary “middle of nowhere,” she said. She was told to go to a specific room, sit on the bed and wait. Suddenly three men and a woman came in the door.

“I was petrified. They spoke all of three sentences to me the entire time: ‘Where’s the money?’ ‘Lie back and do as I tell you.’ And finally ‘Get in the bathroom,’” when the abortion was over, Barron said. “Then all of a sudden they were gone.”

Bleeding profusely, Barron managed to find a cab to take her home. When the bleeding didn’t stop, her bed-ridden mother made her go to the hospital.

At 24, Barron was taking care of her ailing mother and her 2-year-old daughter when she discovered she was pregnant. Her boyfriend, who had no job and lived with his parents, “freaked,” said Barron, who appears in a recent HBO documentary. The boyfriend suggested she get an abortion. She had never considered that option.

“But what was I to do? My mom was taking care of my daughter from her bed while I worked — they would read and play games until I got home,” Barron said.”How was either of us going to cope with a baby?

“Looking back, I realize I was taking my life in my hands,” said Barron, now an 81-year-old grandmother. “To this day it gives me chills. If I had died, what in God’s green earth would have happened to my mom and daughter?”

Women in the 1960s endured restrictions relatively unknown to women today. The so-called “fairer sex” could not serve on juries and often could not get an Ivy League education. Women earned about half as much as a man doing the same job and were seldom promoted.

Women could not get a credit card unless they were married — and then only if their husband co-signed. The same applied to birth control — only the married need apply. More experienced women shared a workaround with the uninitiated: “Go to Woolworth, buy a cheap wedding-type ring and wear it to your doctor’s appointment. And don’t forget to smile.”

Marital rape wasn’t legally considered rape. And, of course, women had no legal right to terminate a pregnancy until four states — Alaska, Hawaii, New York and Washington — legalized abortion in 1970, three years before Roe v. Wade became the law of the land.

Illinois had no such protection, said Heather Booth, a lifelong feminist activist and political strategist: “Three people discussing having an abortion in Chicago in 1965 was a conspiracy to commit felony murder.”

Despite that danger, a courageous band of young women — most in their 20’s, some in college, some married with children — banded together in Chicago to create an underground abortion network. The group was officially created in 1969 as the “Abortion Counseling Service of Women’s Liberation.”

But after running ads in an underground newspaper: “Pregnant? Don’t want to be? Call Jane,” each member of the group answered the phone as “Jane.”

Despite their youth, members of Jane managed to run an illegal abortion service dedicated to each woman's needs.
From left: Martha Scott, Jeanne Galatzer-Levy, Abby Pariser, Sheila Smith and Madeline Schwenk.

“We were co-conspirators with the women who called us,” said 75-year-old Laura Kaplan, who published a book about the service in 1997 entitled “The Story of Jane: The Legendary Underground Feminist Abortion Service.”

“We’ll protect you; we hope you’ll protect us,” Kaplan said. “We’ll take care of you; we hope you’ll take care of us.”

What started as referrals to legitimate abortion providers changed to personalized service when some members of Jane learned to safely do the abortions themselves. Between the late 1960s and 1973, the year that the Supreme Court decided Roe v. Wade, Jane had arranged or performed over 11,000 abortions.

“Our culture is always searching for heroes,” said Kaplan. “But you don’t have to be a hero to do extraordinary things. Jane was just ordinary people working together — and look what we could accomplish, which is amazing, right?”

Even after several members were caught and arrested, the group continued to provide abortions for women too poor to travel to states where abortion had been legalized.

“I prayed a lot. I didn’t want to go to jail,” said 80-year-old Marie Learner, who allowed the Janes to perform abortions at her apartment.

“Some of us had little children. Some were the sole breadwinners in their home,” Learner said. “It was fearlessness in the face of overwhelming odds.”

Marie Learner opened her home to women undergoing abortions. Her neighbors knew, she said, but did not tell police.

The story of Jane has been immortalized in Kaplan’s book, numerous print articles, a 2022 movie, “Call Jane,” starring Elizabeth Banks and Sigourney Weaver, and a documentary on HBO (which, like CNN, is owned by Warner Bros. Discovery).

Today the historical tale of Jane has taken on a new significance. After the 2022 Supreme Court reversal of Roe v. Wade and the mid-term takeover of the US House of Representatives by Republicans, emboldened conservative lawmakers and judges have acted on their anti-abortion beliefs.

Currently more than a dozen states have banned or imposed severe restrictions on abortion. Georgia has banned abortions after six weeks, even though women are typically unaware they are pregnant at that stage. In mid-April, Florida Governor Ron DeSantis signed a bill that would ban most abortions after six weeks. It won’t go into effect until the state Supreme Court overturns its previous precedent on abortion. Several other states are considering similar legislation. In other states, judicial battles are underway to protect abortion access.

“It’s a horrific situation right now. People will be harmed, some may even die,” said Booth, who helped birth the Jane movement while in college.

“Women without family support, without the information they need, may be isolated and either harm themselves looking to end an unwanted pregnancy or will be harmed because they went to an unscrupulous and illegal provider,” said Booth, now 77.

A key difference between the 60s and today is medication abortion, which 54% of people in the United States used to end a pregnancy in 2022. Available via prescription and through the mail, use of the drugs is two-fold: A person takes a first pill, mifepristone, to block the hormone needed for a pregnancy to continue.  A day or two later, the patient takes a second drug, misoprostol, which causes the uterus to contract, creating the cramping and bleeding of labor.

In early April a Texas judge, US District Judge Matthew Kacsmaryk – a Trump appointee who has been vocal about his anti-abortion stance — suspended the US Food and Drug Administration’s approval of mifepristone despite 23 years of data showing the drug is safe to use, safer even than penicillin or Viagra.

On Friday, the Supreme Court froze the ruling and a subsequent decision by the Fifth US Circuit Court of Appeals at the request of the Justice Department and the drug manufacturer. The action allows access to mifepristone in states where it’s legal until appeals play out over the months to come.

However, 15 states currently restrict access to medication abortion, even by mail.

The actions of anti-abortion activists, who have been accused of “judge shopping” to get the decisions they want, is “an unprecedented attack on democracy meant to undermine the will of the vast majority of Americans who want this pill — mifepristone — to remain legal and available,” Heather Booth told CNN.

“This is a further weaponization of the courts to brazenly advance the end goal of banning abortion entirely,” she added.

If women in her day could have had access to medications that could be used safely in their homes, they would not have been forced to risk their lives, said Dorie Barron, thinking back to her own terrifying abortion in a sketchy Chicago motel.

“I’m depressed as hell, watching stupid, indifferent men control and destroy women’s lives all over again,” she said. “I really fear getting an abortion could soon be like 1965.”

Chicago college student Heather Booth had just finished a summer working with civil rights activists in Mississippi when she was asked to help with a different kind of injustice.

Heather Booth, 18, with civil rights heroine Fannie Lou Hamer during

A girl in another dorm was considering suicide because she was pregnant. Booth, who excelled at both organization and chutzpah, found a local doctor and negotiated an abortion for the girl. Word spread quickly.

“There were about 100 women a week calling for help, much more than one person could handle,” Booth said. “I recruited about 12 other people and began training them how to do the counseling.”

Counseling was a key part of the new service. This was a time when people “barely spoke about sex, how women’s bodies functioned or even how people got pregnant,” Booth said. To help each woman understand what was going to happen to them, Booth quizzed the abortion provider about every aspect of the procedure.

“What do you do in advance? Will it be painful? How painful? Can you walk afterwards? Do you need someone to be with you to take you home?” The questions continued: “What amount of bleeding is expected, and can a woman handle it on their own? If there’s a problem is there an urgent number they can call?”

Armed with details few if any physicians provided, the counselors at Jane could fully inform each caller about the abortion experience. The group even published a flyer describing the procedure, long before the groundbreaking 1970 book “Our Bodies, Ourselves” began to educate women about their sexuality and health.

“I don’t particularly like doctors because I always feel dissatisfied with the experience,” said Marie Learner, who spoke to many of the women who underwent an abortion at her home.

“But after their abortion at Jane, women told me, ‘Wow, that was the best experience I’ve ever had with people helping me with a medical issue.’”

Eileen Smith, now 73, was one of those women. “Jane made you feel like you were part of this bigger picture, like we were all in this together,” she said. “They helped me do this illegal thing and then they’re calling to make sure I’m OK? Wow!

“For me, it helped battle the feeling that I was a bad person, that ‘What’s wrong with me? Why did I get pregnant? I should know better’ voice in my head,” said Smith. “It was priceless.”

Like many young women in the 60s, Heather Booth often protested for civil and women's rights.

Many of the women who joined Jane had never experienced an abortion. Some viewed the work as political, a part of the burgeoning feminist movement. Others considered the service as simply humanitarian health care. All saw the work as an opportunity to respect each woman’s choice.

“I was a stay-at-home mom with four kids,” said Martha Scott, who is now in her 80s. “We knew the woman needed to feel as though she was in control of what was happening to her. We were making it happen for her, but it was not about us. It was about her.”

Some volunteers, like Dorie Barron, experienced the Jane difference firsthand when she found herself pregnant a few years after her abortion at the hands of the Mafia.

“It was a 100% total reversal — I had never experienced such kindness,” Barron said. Not only did a Jane hold each woman’s hand and explain every step of the process, “they gave each of us a giant supply of maternity sanitary pads, and a nice big handful of antibiotics,” she said. “And for the next week, I got a phone call every other day to see how I was.”

Barron soon began volunteering for Jane by providing pregnancy testing for women in the back of a church in Chicago’s Hyde Park.

“It wasn’t just abortion,” Barron explained. “We also said, ‘You could consider adoption,’ and gave adoption referrals. And if the woman wanted to continue with her pregnancy, we said, ‘Fine, please by all that is holy make sure you get prenatal care, take your vitamins, and eat as best you can.’ It was women helping women with whatever they needed.”

Most of the women who contacted Jane were unable to support themselves, in unhealthy relationships, or already had children at home, so the service was a way of “helping them get back on track,” said Smith, who, like Barron, had begun working for Jane after her abortion.

“We were telling them ‘This isn’t the end of the world. You can continue to leave your boyfriend or your husband or continue to just take care of those kids you have.’ We were there to help them get through this,” said Smith, who later became a homecare nurse.

From left: Eileen Smith, Diane Stevens and Benita Greenfield were three of the dozens of women who volunteered for Jane.

Diane Stevens says she came to work for Jane after experiencing an abortion in 1968 at the age of 19. She was living in California at the time, which provided “therapeutic abortions” if approved in advance by physicians.

“I’d had a birth control failure, and I was coached by Planned Parenthood on how to do this,” said Stevens, now 74. “I had to see two psychiatrists and one doctor and tell them I was not able to go through with the pregnancy because it would a danger to both my physical and mental health.

“I was admitted to the psychiatric ward, although I didn’t really know that — I thought I was just in a hospital bed. But oh no, ‘I was mentally ill,’ so that’s where they put me,” said Stevens, who later went to nursing school with Smith. “Then they wheeled me off for the abortion. I had general anesthesia, was there for two days, and then I was discharged. Isn’t that crazy?”

Sakinah Ahad Shannon, now 75, was one of the few Black women who volunteered as a counselor at Jane. She joined after accompanying a friend who was charged a mere $50 for her abortion. At that time, Jane’s fee was between $1 and $100, based on what the woman could afford to pay, Shannon said.

“When I walked in, I said, ‘Oh my God, here we go again. It’s a room of White women, archangels who are going to save the world,’” said Shannon, a social worker and member of the Congress of Racial Equality, an interracial group of non-violent activists who pioneered “Freedom Rides” and helped organize the March on Washington in 1963.

What she heard and saw at her friend’s counseling session was so impressive it “changed my life,” Shannon said. She and her family later opened and operated three Chicago abortion clinics for over 25 years, all using the Jane philosophy of communication and respect.

“It was a profoundly amazing experience for me,” she said. “I call the Janes my sisters. The color line didn’t matter. We were all taking the same risk.”

Sakinah Ahad Shannon and her daughters went on to open and run three abortion clinics in Chicago.

It wasn’t long before the women discovered a “doctor” performing abortions for Jane had been lying about his credentials. There was no medical degree — in the HBO documentary, he admitted he had honed his skills by assisting an abortion provider.

The group imploded. A number of members quit in horror and dismay. For the women who stayed, it was an epiphany, said Martha Scott. Like her, several of the Janes had been assisting this fake doctor for years, learning the procedures step by step.

“You’d learn how to insert a speculum, then how to swap out the vagina with an antiseptic, then how to give numbing shots around the cervix and then how to dilate the cervix. You learned and mastered each step before you moved on to the next,” said Laura Kaplan, who chronicled the procedure in her book.

By now, several of the Janes were quite experienced and willing to do the work. Why not perform the abortions themselves?

“Clearly, this was an intense responsibility,” said Judith Acana, a 27-year-old high school teacher who joined Jane in 1970. She started her training by helping “long terms,” women who were four or five months along in the pregnancy.

“Remember, abortion was illegal (in Illinois) so it could take weeks for a woman to find help,” said Arcana, now 80. “Frequently women who wanted an abortion at 8 or 10 weeks wound up being 16 or 18 weeks or more by the time they found Jane.”

The miscarriage could happen quickly, but it rarely did, she said. It usually took anywhere from one to two days.

“Women who had no one to help them would come back when contractions started,” Arcana said. “One of my strongest memories is of a teenage girl who had an appointment to have her miscarriage on my living room floor.”

The group also paid two Janes to live in an apartment and be on call 24/7 to assist women who had no one to help them miscarry at home, said Arcana, a lifelong educator, author and poet. “But many women took care of it on their own, in very amazing and impressive and powerful ways,” she said.

Judith Arcana learned how to do abortions herself and wrote about the Jane experience in poems, stories, essays and books.

Any woman who had concerns or questions while miscarrying alone could always call Jane for advice any time of the day or night.

“People would call in a panic: ‘The bleeding won’t stop,’” Smith recalled. “I would tell them, ‘Get some ice, put it on your stomach, elevate your legs, relax.’ And they would say ‘Oh my gosh, thank you!’ because they were so scared.”

For women who were in their first trimester, Jane offered traditional D&C abortions — the same dilation and curettage used by hospitals then and today, said Scott, who performed many of the abortions for Jane. Later the group used vacuum aspiration, which was over in a mere five to 10 minutes.

“Vacuum aspiration was much easier to do, and I think it’s less difficult for the woman,” Scott said. “Abortion is exactly like any other medical procedure. It’s the decision that’s an issue — the doing is very straightforward. This was something a competent, trained person could do.”

It was May 3, 1972. Judith Arcana was the driver that day, responsible for relocating women waiting at what was called “the front” to a separate apartment or house where the abortions were done, known as “the place.”

On this day, a Wednesday, the “place” was a South Shore high-rise apartment. Arcana was escorting a woman who had completed her abortion when they were stopped by police at the elevator.

“They asked us, ‘Which apartment did you come out of?’ And the poor woman burst into tears and blurted out the apartment number,” Arcana said. “They took me downstairs, put cuffs on me and hooked me to a steel hook inside of the police van.”

Inside the apartment on the 11th floor, Martha Scott said she was setting up the bedroom for the next abortion when she heard a knock at the door, followed by screaming: “You can’t come in!”

“I shut the bedroom door and locked it,” Scott said, then hid the instruments and sat on the bed to wait. It wasn’t long until a cop kicked the door in and made her join the other women in the living room.

“We tell this joke about how the cops came in, saw all these women and said, ‘Where’s the abortionist?’ You know, assuming that it would be a man,” Scott said.

By day’s end, seven members of Jane were behind bars: Martha Scott, Diane Stevens, Judy Arcana, Jeanne Galatzer-Levy, Abby Pariser, Sheila Smith and Madeleine Schwenk. Suddenly what had been an underground effort for years was front page headlines.

“Had we not gotten arrested, I think no one would ever have known about Jane other than the women we served,” Scott said.

Top: Sheila Smith and Martha Scott.
Bottom: Diane Stevens and Judith Arcana.

An emergency meeting of Jane was called. The turnout was massive — even women who had not been active in months showed up, anxious to know the extent of the police probe, according to the women with whom CNN spoke.

Despite widespread fear and worry, the group immediately began making alternate plans for women scheduled for abortions at Jane in the next few days to weeks. The group even paid for transportation to other cities where abortion had already been legalized, they said.

News reports over the next few days gave further details of the bust: There was no widespread investigation by the police. It was a single incident, triggered by a call from a sister-in-law who was upset with her relative’s decision to have an abortion, they said.

“It wasn’t long after I was arrested that I came back and worked for quite a few months,” said Scott, one of the few fully trained to do abortions.

“I like to think I was a good soldier,” Scott said. “I like to think what did made a difference not only to a whole bunch of people, but also to ourselves. It gave us a sense of empowerment that comes when you do something that is hard to do and also right.”

As paranoia eased, women began to come back to work at Jane, determined to carry on.

“After the bust, we had a meeting and were told ‘Everybody needs to start assisting and learn how to do abortions.’ I was like, ‘Whoa, whoa, whoa!’” said Eileen Smith, who had not been arrested. “But you felt like you really didn’t have much of a choice. We had to keep the service running.”

Laura Kaplan volunteered for the Janes, later immortalizing the group in her book,

The preliminary hearing for the arrested seven was in August. Several of the women in the apartment waiting for abortions the day of the arrest suddenly developed amnesia and refused to testify. According to Kaplan’s book, one of the women later said, “The cops tried to push me around, but f**k them. I wasn’t going to tell on you.”

It didn’t matter. Each Jane was charged with 11 counts of abortion and conspiracy to commit abortion, with a possible sentence of up to 110 years in prison.

As they waited for trial, the lawyer for the seven, Jo-Anne Wolfson, adopted delaying tactics, Kaplan said. A case representing a Texas woman, cited as “Jane Roe” to protect her privacy, was being considered by the US Supreme Court. If the Court ruled in Roe’s favor, the case against the Jane’s might be thrown out.

That’s exactly what happened. On March 9, 1973, three months after the Supreme Court had legalized abortion in the US, the case against the seven women was dropped and their arrest records were expunged.

Later that spring, a majority of Janes, burned out by the intensity of the work over the last few years, voted to close shop. An end of Jane party was held on May 20. According to Kaplan’s book, the invitation read:

“You are cordially invited to attend The First, Last and Only Curette Caper; the Grand Finale of the Abortion Counseling Service. RSVP: Call Jane.”

Today, most of the surviving members of Jane are in their 70s and 80s, shocked but somehow not surprised by the actions of abortion opponents.

“This is a country of ill-educated politicos who know nothing about women’s bodies, nor do they care,” said Dorie Barron. “It will take generations to even begin to undo the devastating harm to women’s rights.”

In the meantime, women should research all available options, keep that information confidential, seek support from groups working for abortion rights, and “share your education with as many women as you can,” Barron added.

As more and more reproductive freedoms have been rolled back over the past year, many of the Janes are angry and fearful for the future.

Abortion rights demonstrators walk across the Brooklyn Bridge in New York nearly two weeks after the leak of a draft Supreme Court opinion that would overturn Roe v. Wade.

“This is about the most intimate decision of our lives — when, whether and with whom we have a child. Everyone should have the ability to make decisions about our own lives, bodies, and futures without political interference,” said Heather Booth, who has spent her life after leaving Jane fighting for civil and women’s rights.

“We need to organize, raise our voices and our votes, and overturn this attack on our freedom and our lives. I have seen that when we take action and organize we can change the world.”

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Can a monogamous couple happily become nonmonogamous? It’s possible but not easy, experts say | CNN

Editor’s Note: Ian Kerner is a licensed marriage and family therapist, writer and contributor on the topic of relationships for CNN. His most recent book is a guide for couples, “So Tell Me About the Last Time You Had Sex.”



CNN
 — 

Can a monogamous couple become nonmonogamous? Of course, they can — but do these couples survive and thrive? What are the pitfalls and what are the pleasures?

More and more I’m seeing couples in my practice of all ages who have always been in monogamous relationships but now are seriously thinking about opening up their relationships. They are young couples just starting out, couples with young kids and a mortgage, and empty nesters looking to find their wings.

The reasons for taking the leap vary. Often one or both partners may be feeling sexually dissatisfied in the primary relationship — it may be boredom, mismatched libidos or a desire to explore new horizons. Sometimes there’s a hunger for the excitement and energy that come when people first connect with someone new. It’s also possible one or both partners don’t believe in monogamy. For some couples, sex has always been an issue, even though the rest of the relationship works.

No matter the reason, interest in nonmonogamy — participation in nonexclusive sexual relationships — is on the rise. In a 2020 study of 822 currently monogamous people by Kinsey Institute research fellow Justin Lehmiller, nearly one-third said that having an open relationship was their favorite sexual fantasy, and 80% wanted to act on it.

What happens if your relationship starts off as monogamous, and you or your partner change your mind? That doesn’t have to doom your relationship, Lehmiller said. “Research suggests that relationship quality is actually quite similar in monogamous and consensually nonmonogamous relationships,” he said. “Both relationship styles can work well — and both can fail, too.”

I believe the key to successful nonmonogamy is in one word: consensual. Known as ethical nonmonogamy, this approach is different from monogamous relationships in which partners cheat on each other. An ethically nonmonogamous relationship involves two people who identify as a couple but who are not committed to a traditional relationship, according to sexologist Yvonne Fulbright.

“They’ve given each other the opportunity to date or have sex with other people independently,” said Fulbright, who is based in Iceland. “Often a key component in these relationships working out is that the other relationship is only sexual, not romantic or emotional. There’s no deception about engaging in sex with others.”

Some couples may find ethical nonmonogamy easier than others. That includes those who have discussed the possibility of an open relationship from the beginning as well as LGBTQ couples. “In my experience, gay and queer couples have more ease with nonmonogamy,” New York-based sex therapist Dulcinea Alex Pitagora said.

“They’ve had to do more introspection and communication around their sexual or gender identity,” Pitagora said. “This additional time spent understanding who they are, what they want, and learning how to communicate it dovetails very smoothly into communicating about nonmonogamy.”

For couples who choose to open their relationships ethically, there can be benefits. “Nonmonogamy can be fulfilling and a catalyst for self-growth,” Wisconsin-based sex therapist Madelyn Esposito said. “This self-growth can deepen understanding and desire for your primary partner as you have the space to explore yourself and your own sexual needs outside of relational confines.”

In an open relationship there is often less pressure to have all your sexual needs met from your partner, Florida-based sex therapist Rachel Needle said. “And there is less pressure on you to meet all of your partner’s sexual needs. This gives you the opportunity to enjoy sexual activity with your partner but do it without added tension or anxiety.”

Sometimes the heat generated outside the bedroom even finds its way back into the primary relationship. “Many nonmonogamous folks find that partner variety revs up their libido, and that this transfers over into increased sex in the primary relationship,” Lehmiller said. “Something else we’ve found in our research is that, beyond sex, these relationships can also mutually reinforce each other. Specifically, being more satisfied with a secondary partner actually predicts being more committed to the primary partner.”

But making the leap into ethical nonmonogamy isn’t always easy for couples who have been historically monogamous. Often, one partner is “driving,” and the other is a reluctant passenger going along for the ride. Sometimes a couple can’t agree on what constitutes nonmonogamy (casual sex with different people versus repeatedly seeing one person), or they can’t agree on rules (posting a profile online, staying overnight, bringing someone home, no kissing).

Posting a profile online might be one of the rules that couples set in considering ethical nonmonogamy.

One partner might be worried about the social stigma if others find out or just can’t get beyond all the cultural messaging that idealizes monogamy. Nonmonogamy can trigger strong feelings such as jealousy and possessiveness. “Even bringing it up as a curiosity can feel threatening to some couples/partners,” Fulbright said.

What should you consider if ethical nonmonogamy is on your mind?

There are any number of positive motivators for couples to try nonmonogamy, but what you don’t want to do is rely on nonmonogamy to slap a Band-Aid on existing problems. “Using nonmonogamy to fix a relationship is as effective as having a baby to fix a relationship — it’s a terrible idea,” said Rebecca Sokoll, a psychotherapist in New York City. “You need a strong and healthy relationship to make the transition to nonmonogamy.”

Don’t do it to distance yourself from your partner. “Ethical nonmonogamy can also be a defense mechanism, a delay tactic, a hide-and-seek game and an aversion to closeness,” said Minnesota-based psychotherapist Hanna Zipes Basel, who specializes in this area. “I see couples succeed when they enter nonmonogamy with an already secure functioning relationship, when they are both equally desiring nonmonogamy, and/or they have had prior experience or done their homework.”

“Get educated on the wide array of philosophies, structures and agreements that are possible in the ethical nonmonogamy world through books, podcasts and articles,” suggested sex therapist Sari Cooper, who directs the Center for Love and Sex in New York. “Journal about what each of you is looking for through this transition and discuss these goals with your partner to see if you’re on the same page and, if not, what overlaps or compromises might work.”

There’s no doubt that ethical nonmonogamy requires communication — and lots of it. “I suggest a ‘what if’ conversation before anyone takes anything into action,” Los Angeles-based sex therapist Tammy Nelson advised. “Talking about the potential positives as well as the pitfalls of a possible exploration can prevent problems that could come up later. The more you talk about the issues before they happen the better.”

A therapist experience in working with couples pursuing ethical nonmonogamy can help you weigh the potential pros and cons, guide you through the process and provide you with a neutral, safe space to discuss things.

Determine what ethical nonmonogamy looks like to you both and agree on your parameters — more rigid rules may be best when starting out — and plan to keep the conversation going.

“I see dozens of couples a year who come to therapy to try and negotiate their expectations in advance,” said Kimberly Resnick Anderson, a sex therapist in Los Angeles. “Couples who do their homework ahead of time have a much better success rate than couples who jump right in without preparation.

“Even couples who prep responsibly are often surprised by their reactions to certain situations and need to renegotiate boundaries.”

In my professional experience, the couples who succeed at nonmonogamy often don’t require many rules at all, because they trust each other, prioritize the primary relationship and hold each other in mind throughout the process.

If ethical nonmonogamy doesn’t work for you — or leads to a breakup — that doesn’t mean it’s a loss. “Consider a couple with children who, without ethical nonmonogamy, would have split up, and for whom nonmonogamy stabilizes their relationship,” New Jersey-based sex therapist Margie Nichols said.

“Eventually, that stability doesn’t last, but ethical nonmonogamy allows the couple to uncouple consciously and take time with the process,” Nichols said. “Because of the thoughtfulness, the family can remain living together or near each other and still love and care for each other, and there is no bitterness or rancor between the two. I’d call that a success — despite divorce.”

In the end, couples who succeed are fiercely committed to their primary relationship: They protect it, cherish it and care for it. They ensure that their foundation is solid and secure, and they continue to grow and expand as a couple in ways beyond sex. Nonmonogamy may be an exciting new chapter for a couple, but it doesn’t mean the story of their relationship comes to an end. It should feel like an exciting beginning.

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Bullying doesn’t look like it used to. Experts share how to fix it | CNN

Editor’s Note: If you or someone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts or mental health matters, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988 (or 800-273-8255) to connect with a trained counselor or visit the NSPL site.



CNN
 — 

Every generation has tales of bullying, but perhaps today’s adults are not as familiar with what it means now for a kid to be bullied.

Physical bullying — like confrontations involving hitting or shoving — actually showed very little association with a risk for mental distress, according to a new study.

“For adults doing this research, you kind of assume that bullying consists of being stuffed in a locker and beaten up on the playground,” said lead study author John Rovers, professor and John R. Ellis Distinguished Chair in Pharmacy Practice at Drake University in Des Moines, Iowa. “We found out that that really has remarkably little effect.”

Researchers took data from the 2018 Iowa Youth Survey of sixth, eighth and 11th graders to see whether there was an association between bullying and mental health and suicidal ideation, according to the study published Wednesday in the journal PLOS ONE.

The results showed different forms of bullying did have an impact on feelings of sadness or hopelessness or thoughts of suicide — but that they did not impact students equally.

Identity bullying, which includes bullying based on sexual orientation or gender identity as well as sexual jokes, was correlated with significant feelings of distress or suicide attempts, the study said.

Cyberbullying and social bullying — leaving someone out or turning peers against them — followed identity bullying on degree of impact.

The study is limited in that the sample did not include a high level of racial and religious diversity, but it does show “a theme very consistent with recent surveys as well as what I’m seeing in my clinical practice,” said child and adolescent psychiatrist Dr. Neha Chaudhary, chief medical officer at BeMe Health who is in the faculty at Massachusetts General Hospital and Harvard Medical School. Chaudhary was not involved in the research.

The teachers and school administrators surveyed were worried most about physical bullying, however, according to the study.

“This is a good learning for schools and families as they think about anti-bullying initiatives and how to talk to young people about the effects of bullying,” Chaudhary said.

It makes sense that identity would be a particularly painful form of bullying.

“Identity is so incredibly important for kids and teens as they develop, and not being able to be themselves without fear of judgement or bullying from others is not only isolating, it can significantly alter their confidence, peace of mind, and ability to see a future for themselves that’s free of pain,” Chaudhary said in an email. “People just want to be themselves, and be loved for who they are.”

The survey data reviewed by the study team revealed a troubling statistic when it came to the state of adolescent mental health.

“About 70,000 students responded to this survey. Five percent of them had attempted suicide in the last year,” Rovers said. “That’s 3,500 kids.”

And this week’s results of the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s biannual Youth Risk Behavior Survey showed mental distress among teens is getting worse.

In rates that “increased dramatically” over the past decade, most high school girls (57%) felt persistently sad or hopeless in 2021, double the rate for teen boys (29%), according to the CDC. Nearly 1 in 3 teen girls seriously considered attempting suicide.

Most LGBTQ students (52%) have also recently experienced poor mental health, and more than 1 in 5 attempted suicide in the past year, the CDC survey showed.

Solutions that address adolescent mental health may come from families and schools working together — not in focusing on what the kids themselves can change, Rovers said.

“Blaming this on some 9-year-old kid is not right,” he added.

When it comes to bullying, there are three types of players: the bully, the victim and the child that is both being bullied and bullying others, Rovers said.

All three need support, said Dr. Hina Talib, adolescent medicine specialist at the Atria Institute in New York and associate professor of clinical pediatrics at the Albert Einstein College of Medicine in New York City.

“Bullying is such a pattern of behavior that causes harm to the victim of the bully, the children that might just be witnessing the bullying happening and even to the bully themselves,” said Talib, who was not involved in the research.

Rarely is a child exerting power over others just for its own sake, Talib added.

While caregivers may have the first reaction to punish their child when they hear they are bullying others, it is important to probe a little deeper into what is going on with them, she said.

“There are likely reasons there that are causing them to act out in this way,” Talib explained. “Underneath that, I think it’s important to see that their child is hurting also.”

She recommended coming to them with the mindset of “this is not acceptable behavior, and this is why, and I’m here to help you through it,” Talib said.

“The bully can and should be helped as well,” she added. “There’s almost always more to it.”

There are many ideas about what motivates bullying behavior, but one could be that kids are emulating how they see the adults in their lives resolve conflict, Rovers said. These adolescents might learn that violence is a way to protect themselves.

For children that are being bullied, they may not always be direct in telling the adults in their lives what is wrong, Talib said.

Instead of hearing about cruel words or isolating actions, families might first see stress, anxiety, depression, stomachaches and avoiding school, she said.

She recommended being attentive to your child and their individual behaviors and stepping in when you see a change. That could mean asking directly, having their pediatrician speak to them about it privately or even coming to them indirectly.

A helpful way in could be to ask about their friends’ experiences.

Say something like: “There was an interesting research report about bullying, and it made me think about bullying. It made me interested in if your friends were bullied or if you ever witnessed a bullying situation,” Talib said.

If you do find that your child is the victim of bullying, Talib said it’s a good idea to get in contact with the school and the other family to develop an action plan together.

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Mpox is almost gone in the US, leaving lessons and mysteries in its wake | CNN



CNN
 — 

The US public health emergency declaration for mpox, formerly known as monkeypox, ends Tuesday.

The outbreak, which once seemed to be spiraling out of control, has quietly wound down. The virus isn’t completely gone, but for more than a month, the average number of daily new cases reported to the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has hovered in the single digits, plummeting from an August peak of about 450 cases a day.

Still, the US led the world in cases during the 2022-23 outbreak. More than 30,000 people in the US have been diagnosed with mpox, including 23 who died.

Cases are also down across Europe, the Western Pacific and Asia but still rising in some South American countries, according to the latest data from the World Health Organization.

It wasn’t always a given that we’d get here. When mpox went global in 2022, doctors had too few doses of a new and unproven vaccine, an untested treatment, a dearth of diagnostic testing and a difficult line to walk in their messaging, which needed to be geared to an at-risk population that has been stigmatized and ignored in public health crises before.

Experts say the outbreak has taught the world a lot about this infection, which had only occasionally been seen outside Africa.

But even with so much learned, there are lingering mysteries too – like where this virus comes from and why it suddenly began to spread from the Central and West African countries where it’s usually found to more than 100 other nations.

Before May 2022, when clusters of people with unusual rashes began appearing in clinics in the UK and Europe, the country reporting the most cases of mpox was the Democratic Republic of Congo, or DRC.

There, cases have been steadily building since the 1970s, according to a study in the CDC’s Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report.

In the DRC, people in rural villages depend on wild animals for meat. Many mpox infections there are thought to be the result of contact with an animal to which the virus has adapted; this animal host is not known but is assumed to be a rodent.

For years, experts who studied African outbreaks observed a phenomenon known as stuttering chains of transmission: “infections that managed to transmit themselves or be transmitted from person to person to a limited degree, a certain number of links in that chain of transmission, and then suddenly just aren’t able to sustain themselves in humans,” said Stephen Morse, an epidemiologist at Columbia University’s Mailman School of Public Health.

Informally, scientists kept track, and Morse says that for years, the record for links in a mpox chain was about four.

“Traditionally, it always burned itself out,” he said.

Then the chains started getting longer.

In 2017, Nigeria – which hadn’t had a confirmed case of mpox in more than four decades – suddenly saw a resurgence of the virus, with more than 200 cases reported that year.

“People have speculated maybe it was a change in the virus that allowed it to be made better-adapted to humans,” Morse said.

From 2018 through 2021, eight cases of mpox were reported outside Africa. All were in men ages 30 to 50, and all had traveled from Nigeria. Three reported that the rashes had started in their groin area. One went on to infect a health care provider. Another infected two family members.

This Nigerian outbreak helped experts realize that mpox could efficiently spread between people.

It also hinted that the infection could be sexually transmitted, but investigators couldn’t confirm this route of spread, possibly because of the stigma involved in sharing information about sexual contact.

In early May 2022, health officials in the UK began reporting confirmed cases of mpox. One of the people had recently traveled to Nigeria, but others had not, indicating that it was spreading in the community.

Later, other countries would report cases that had started even earlier, in April.

Investigators concluded that mpox had been silently spreading before they caught up to it.

In early summer, as US case numbers began to grow, the public health response bore some uncomfortable similarities to the early days of Covid-19. People with suspicious rashes complained that it was too hard to get tested because a limited supply was being rationed. Because the virus had so rarely appeared outside certain countries in Africa, most doctors weren’t sure how to recognize mpox or how to test for it and didn’t understand all its routes of spread.

A new vaccine was available, and the government had placed orders for it, but most of those doses weren’t in the United States. Beyond that, its efficacy against mpox had been studied only in animals, so no one knew whether it would actually work in humans.

There was an experimental treatment, Tpoxx, but it too was unproven, and doctors could get it only after filling out reams of paperwork required by the government for compassionate use.

Some just gave up.

“Tpoxx was hard to get,” said Dr. Jeffrey Klausner, a clinical professor of public health at the University of Southern California’s Keck School of Medicine.

“I was scrambling to find places that could prescribe it because my own institution just became a bureaucratic nightmare. So I basically would be referring people for treatment outside my own institution to be able to get monkeypox treatment,” he said.

Finally, in August, the federal government declared a public health emergency. This allowed federal agencies to access pots of money set aside for emergencies. It also allows the government to shift funds from one purpose to another to help cover costs of the response – and it helped raise awareness among doctors that mpox was something to watch for.

The government also set up a task force led by Robert Fenton, a logistics expert from the Federal Emergency Management Agency, and Dr. Demetre Daskalakis, director of the CDC’s Division of HIV and AIDS Research.

Daskalakis is openly gay and sex-positive, right down to his Instagram account, which mixes suit-and-tie shots from White House briefings with photos revealing his many tattoos.

“Dr. Daskalakis … really walks on water in most of the gay community, and then [Fenton is] a logistics expert, and I think that combination of leadership was the right answer,” Klausner said.

Early on, after the CDC identified men who have sex with men as being at highest risk of infection, officials warned of close physical contact, the kind that often happens with sexual activity. They also noted that people could be infected through contact with contaminated surfaces like sheets or towels.

But they stopped short of calling it a sexually transmitted infection, a move that some saw as calculated.

“In this outbreak, in this time and context to Europe, United States and Australia, was definitely sexually transmitted,” said Klausner, who points out that many men got rashes on their genitals and that infectious virus was cultured in semen.

Klausner believes vague descriptions about how the virus spread were intentional, in order to garner resources needed for the response.

“People felt that if they called it an STD from the get-go, it was going to create stigma, and because of the stigma of the type of sex that was occurring – oral sex, anal sex, anal sex between same-sex male partners – there may not have been the same kind of federal response,” Klausner said. “So it was actually a political calculation to garner the resources necessary to have a substantial response to be vague about how it spread.”

This ambiguity created room for misinformation and confusion, said Tony Hoang, executive director of Equality California, a nonprofit advocacy group for LGBTQ civil rights.

“I think there was a balancing dance of not wanting to create stigma, in terms of who is actually the highest rates of transmission without being forthright,” Hoang said.

Hoang’s group launched its own public information campaign, combining information from the CDC on HIV and mpox. The messaging stressed that sex was the risky behavior and made sure to explain that light brushes or touches weren’t likely to pass the infection, he said.

Klausner thinks the CDC could have done better on messaging.

“By giving vague, nonspecific information and making comments like ‘everyone’s potentially at risk’ or ‘there’s possible spread through sharing a bed, clothing or close dancing’ … that kind of dilutes the message, and people who engage in risk behavior that does put them at risk get confused, and they say ‘well, maybe this isn’t really a route of spread,’ ” he said.

In July and August, when the US was reporting hundreds of new mpox cases each day, health officials were worried that the virus might be here to stay.

“There were concerns that there would be ongoing transmission and that ongoing transmission would become endemic in the United States like other STIs: gonorrhea, chlamydia, syphilis. We have not seen that occur,” said Dr. Jonathan Mermin, director of the CDC’s National Center for HIV, Viral Hepatitis, STD, and TB Prevention.

“We are now seeing three to four cases a day in the United States, and it continues to decline. And we see the possibility of getting to zero as real,” he said.

At the peak of the outbreak, officials scrambled to vaccinate the population at highest risk – men who have sex with men – in the hopes of limiting both severity of infections and transmission. But no one was sure whether this strategy would work.

The Jynneos vaccine was approved by the US Food and Drug Administration in 2019 to prevent monkeypox and smallpox in people at high risk of those infections.

At that time, the plan was to bank it in the Strategic National Stockpile as a countermeasure in case smallpox was weaponized. The approval for mpox, a virus closely related to smallpox, was tacked on because the US had seen a limited outbreak of these infections in 2003, tied to the importation of exotic rodents as pets.

Jynneos had passed safety tests in humans. In lab studies, it protected primates and mice from mpox infections. But researchers only learn how effective vaccines are during infectious disease outbreaks, and Jynneos has never been put through its paces during an outbreak.

“We were left, when this started, with that great unknown: Does this vaccine work? And is it safe in large numbers?” Mermin said.

Beyond those uncertainties, there wasn’t enough to go around, and infectious disease experts feared that a shortage of the vaccine might thwart any effort to stop the outbreak.

So public health officials announced a change in strategy: Instead of injecting a full dose under the skin, or subcutaneously, they would inject just one-fifth of that dose between the skin’s upper layers, or intradermally.

An early study in the trials of the vaccine had suggested that intradermal dosing could be effective, but it was a risk. Again, no one was sure this dose-sparing strategy would work.

Ultimately, all of these gambles appear to have paid off.

Early studies of vaccine effectiveness show that the Jynneos vaccine protected men from mpox infections. According to CDC data, people who were unvaccinated were almost 10 times as likely to be diagnosed with the infection as those who got the recommended two doses.

Men who had two doses were about 69% less likely, and men with a single dose were about 37% less likely, to have an mpox infection that needed medical attention compared with those who were unvaccinated, according to the CDC.

Mermin says studies have since showed that the vaccine worked well no matter if was given into the skin or under the skin – another win.

Still, the vaccine is almost certainly not the entire reason cases have plunged, simply because not enough people have gotten it. The CDC estimates that 2 million people in the United States are eligible for mpox vaccination. Mermin says that about 700,000 have had a first dose – about 36% of the eligible population.

So it’s unlikely that vaccination was the only reason for the steep decline in cases. CDC modeling suggests that behavior change may have played a substantial role, too.

In an online survey of men who have sex with men conducted in August, half of participants indicated that they had reduced their number of partners and one-time sexual encounters, behaviors that could cut the growth of new infections by 20% to 30%.

If that’s the case, some experts worry that the US could see monkeypox flare up again as the weather warms.

“The party season was during the summer, during the height of the outbreak, and we’re in the dead of winter. So there’s a possibility that behavior change may not able to be sustained,” said Gregg Gonsalves, an epidemiologist at the Yale School of Public Health.

Although we’re clearly in a much better position than we were last summer, he says, public health officials shouldn’t make this a “mission accomplished” moment.

“Now, put your foot on the accelerator. Let’s get the rest of these cases,” Gonsalves said.

Mermin says that’s exactly what the CDC intends to do. It isn’t finished with the response but intends to switch to “a ground game.”

“So much of our work in the next few months will be setting up structures so that getting vaccinated is easy,” he said.

Nearly 40% of mpox cases in the United States were diagnosed in people who also had HIV, Mermin said. So the CDC is going to make sure Jynneos vaccines are available as a routine part of care at HIV clinics and STI clinics that offer pre-exposure prophylaxis, or PrEP, for HIV.

Mermin said officials are also going to continue to go to LGBTQ festivals and events to offer on-site vaccinations.

Additionally, they’re going to study people who’ve been vaccinated and infected to see whether they remain immune – something else that’s still a big unknown.

Experts say that’s just one of many questions that need a closer look. Another is just how long the virus had been spreading outside Africa before the world noticed.

“We’re starting to see some data that suggests that asymptomatic infection and transmission is possible, and that certainly will change how we how we think about this virus and and risk,” said Anne Rimoin, an epidemiologist at the Fielding School of Public Health at UCLA.

When researchers at a sexual health clinic in Belgium rescreened more than 200 nasal and oral swabs they had taken in May 2022 to test for the STIs chlamydia and gonorrhea, they found positive mpox cases that had gone undiagnosed. Three of the people reported no symptoms, while another reported a painful rash, which was misdiagnosed as herpes. Their study was published in the journal Nature Medicine.

“Mild and asymptomatic infections may have indeed delayed the detection of the outbreak,” study author Christophe Van Dijck of the Laboratory of Medical Microbiology at the University of Antwerp in Belgium said in an email to CNN.

While researchers tackle those pursuits, advocacy groups say they aren’t ready to relax.

Hoang says Equality California is pushing the CDC to address continuing racial disparities in mpox vaccination and treatment, particularly in rural areas.

He’s not worried that gay men will drop their guard now that the emergency has expired..

“We’ve learned that we have to take health into our own hands, and I do think that we will remain vigilant as a community for this outbreak and future outbreaks,” Hoang said.



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New 988 mental health crisis line sees ‘eye-opening’ rise in calls, texts, chats in first 6 months, data shows | CNN



CNN
 — 

Since the summer launch of the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, the new three-digit number has seen a significant rise in call volume – routing more than 2 million calls, texts and chat messages to call centers, with the majority being answered in under a minute.

“The average speed to answer year-over-year was about three minutes in 2021. It’s now 44 seconds in December of 2022,” said Dr. John Palmieri, a senior medical advisor at the US Department of Health and Human Services’ Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, who serves as 988’s deputy director.

The 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, formerly known as the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, launched last July, transitioning the former 1-800-273-TALK phone number to the three digits of 988. The new number is intended to be easy to remember, similar to how people can dial 911 for medical emergencies.

Since that transition, in the past six months, about 2.1 million calls, texts and chats to the new 988 number have been routed to a response center and, of those, around 89% were answered by a counselor, according to a CNN analysis of data from SAMHSA, which oversees 988. Many of the calls that went unanswered were due to callers hanging up before reaching a counselor.

“We know that there are many individuals in this country who are struggling with suicidal concerns, with mental health or substance use concerns, who aren’t able to access the care that they need. And in many respects, historically, because of funding limitations or other limitations, the system has let them down,” Palmieri said. “So, this is truly an opportunity with 988 – as a catalytic moment – to be able to transform the crisis care system to better meet those needs in a less restrictive, more person-centered, more treatment- and recovery-oriented way.”

Since the summer launch of 988, more than 300,000 calls, texts and chats have come in each month. SAMHSA data on the new lifeline show that in December 2022 versus December 2021, calls answered increased by 48%, chats answered increased by 263% and texts answered increased by 1,445%.

“We see the uptick in volume as an indicator that more people are aware of the service and able to access it,” Kimberly Williams, CEO and president of Vibrant Emotional Health, the nonprofit administrator and operator of the 988 lifeline, said in an email Thursday.

She added that Vibrant was “not surprised” by the increase in volume and has been “working strategically” with the more than 200 call centers in the 988 network to respond.

“In December of 2022 compared to December of 2021, over 172,000 more contacts were answered as part of the lifeline system,” Palmieri said.

The average amount of time counselors spent talking, chatting or texting with contacts was about 21 minutes and 55 seconds.

“It’s really eye-opening to see the increase in the texts, chats and calls that are coming in. But to see that more states have a more than 90% answer rate for contacts coming from their state – and that average speed of answering is down, so people are getting help more quickly,” said Hannah Wesolowski, the chief advocacy officer for the National Alliance on Mental Illness.

She added that before the launch of 988, there were likely many people seeking mental health support but didn’t feel like there was a call service available for them.

“With the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, even though they did answer a range of crises, it was billed as the ‘National Suicide Prevention Lifeline.’ So a lot of people who are not feeling suicidal but were in distress didn’t feel like that was a resource for them,” Wesolowski said.

“I think awareness of 988 continues to grow each month,” she said. “This country is in a mental health crisis at large. I believe that many more people are feeling that they’re approaching a crisis situation or are in crisis.”

The 988 lifeline also has been testing a pilot program specifically for the LGBTQ+ community, in partnership with the Trevor Project, in which calls, texts or chats from LGBTQ+ youth have the option of being connected with counselors specially trained in LGBTQ-inclusive crisis care services.

The pilot program began around the end of September, and “there has been a lot of demand and a lot of utilization of that service,” Palmieri said. He added that LGBTQ+ youth are at a higher risk of suicide.

“With that pilot program, it is so important that particularly a young person who’s feeling alone, who’s feeling isolated, is able to connect to somebody that they feel can share their experience and that comes from a similar place of understanding,” Wesolowski said. “I’m very anxious to see what the data shows when the pilot ends in March, but I feel very encouraged by my conversations with the Trevor Project and others involved in this.”

Since its launch, the 988 lifeline also has increased the number of call centers taking Spanish calls from a total of three to seven. Spanish language options will increase for text and chat messaging as well, Palmieri said.

“We are also implementing video phone capabilities for people who are deaf and hard of hearing,” he said.”In addition to that, in Washington state, there’s a pilot currently providing specialized care access for individuals who are American Indian/Alaskan Natives to be able to be connected to an organization that’s focused more specifically on their needs.”

HHS announced in December that through SAMHSA, more than $130 million has been awarded in grants to support the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. The funding comes from the Bipartisan Safer Communities Act. The federal spending omnibus bill includes about $500 million for the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, according to SAMHSA.

In total, the Biden administration has invested nearly $1 billion in the 988 lifeline.

“Our country is facing unprecedented mental health and substance use crises among people of all ages and backgrounds,” HHS Secretary Xavier Becerra said in the announcement last month.

“Although rates of depression and anxiety were rising before the pandemic, the grief, trauma, and physical and social isolation that many people experienced during the pandemic exacerbated these issues. Drug overdose deaths have also reached a historic high, devastating individuals, families, and communities,” he said. “The significant additional funding provided by the Bipartisan Safer Communities Act will have a direct positive impact on strengthening the behavioral health of individuals and communities across the country.”

The 988 lifeline is just one tool in the ongoing effort to improve our nation’s mental health, which Lori Tremmel Freeman, chief executive officer of the National Association of County and City Health Officials, calls “a key concern of public health” right now.

“It is also one of the root causes of substance abuse and misuse, which is fueling the national epidemic that we have. We’re also concerned about, of course, rates of suicide and what we can do to alleviate and lower those rates,” Freeman said.

“This is very much also a primary public health crisis of concern and leads to many other public health issues that need to be addressed: homelessness, food insecurity, substance misuse, and poor health outcomes,” she said. “We need to get people healthy and well, and connected to the right resources and professionals that can help them overcome their mental health crises.”

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Exclusive: World Cup soccer fans stopped by security officials for wearing rainbow-colored items | CNN



Doha, Qatar
CNN
 — 

The World Cup is well underway in Qatar, but issues surrounding LGBTQ+ rights for the Gulf state, world soccer governing body FIFA, teams and fans just won’t go away.

On Saturday, two German soccer fans told CNN that they were asked by security officials at Qatar 2022 to remove the rainbow-colored items that they were wearing as they made their way to watch the World Cup match between France and Denmark on Saturday.

CNN witnessed the conclusion to the incident at the Msheireb Metro Station, in Doha, as Bengt Kunkel, who was wearing a rainbow-colored sweatband and his friend – sporting a similarly colored armband – refused to hand over the items. The rainbow is a symbol of LGBTQ+ pride.

After taking the Germans to one side, a group of security guards eventually let them go – on condition that they put the rainbow-colored items in their pockets, according to Kunkel.

“Out of nowhere. They took my friend quite aggressively on the arm and pushed him away from the crowd and told him to take it [the armband] off,” Kunkel told CNN, as he recounted details of the incident shortly after it happened.

“Then they took me with him. They said: ‘You’re going to take it off and throw it in the bin or we’ll call the police.’”

The pair refused to throw their items in the bin and said they told security they could call the police.

“We had a little discussion, we were being respectful and said: ‘We’re not going to throw it away but we’re going to put it in our pockets’,” added Kunkel, who travelled to the World Cup to enjoy the soccer tournament, but also to use his social media platform to talk about LGBTQ+ issues and Qatar 2022.

Kunkel and his friend were then allowed to walk down to the station platform where CNN accompanied them to the match. Kunkel’s friend said he didn’t want to talk to CNN.

Once outside Stadium 974, Kunkel put the rainbow-colored armband and wristband back on and walked through security.

CNN witnessed Kunkel being allowed through, though the 23-year-old German was again taken to one side.

Kunkel then told CNN he was stopped four more times before being allowed to take his seat inside the stadium wearing the rainbow-colored items.

Earlier this week, American journalist Grant Wahl and former Wales captain Laura McAllister both said they were told by security staff to remove clothing with rainbow-colored patterns.

Wahl said he was released 25 minutes after being detained and received apologies from a FIFA representative and a senior member of the security team at the stadium.

A detailed view of the

When asked to clarify the dress code for fans, FIFA referred CNN to the tournament handbook, which states “expats and tourists are free to wear the clothing of their choice, as long as it is modest and respectful to the culture.”

After some Wales fans were also denied entry into stadiums for wearing rainbow-colored bucket hats on Monday, the Welsh Football Association (FAW) said FIFA told the federation on Thursday that rainbow-colored flags and hats would be permitted at World Cup stadiums in Qatar.

“In response to the FAW, FIFA has confirmed that fans with Rainbow Wall bucket hats and rainbow flags will be allowed entry to the stadium for @Cymru’s match against Iran on Friday,” it tweeted.

“All World Cup venues have been contacted and instructed to follow the agreed rules & regulations.”

However, Kunkel’s experience on Saturday would seem to suggest that there remains a disconnect between FIFA’s rules and regulations and what is happening on the ground at Qatar 2022.

CNN reached out to FIFA and Qatar’s organizing committee. FIFA referred CNN to Qatar’s organizing committee, which hadn’t replied at the time of publication.

Bengt Kunkel wearing the rainbow-colored armband inside Stadium 974 on Saturday, November 26.

The 23-year-old Kunkel, who is a student sports journalist back in Germany, has been in Qatar with three friends since just before the World Cup kicked off and says he has already had rainbow-colored items confiscated.

Kunkel said he was removed from his seat at the Al Thumana Stadium during Senegal’s game against the Netherlands on Monday and told to take off the items.

On that occasion security threw them in the bin and Kunkel was allowed back to his seat.

“It’s quite a statement to throw a rainbow flag in the garbage,” added Kunkel.

“I’m not part of the LGBTQ community myself, but I can understand those who don’t want to come here [Qatar] because people of the community are being oppressed.”

Kunkel’s trip to Qatar has made headlines in Germany and he met German Interior and Community Minister Nancy Faeser in Doha this week.

German Football Association President Bernd Neuendorf (L) and German Federal Minister of the Interior and Community Nancy Faeser, who is wearing a

Faeser wore the “OneLove” armband, which features the outline of a heart striped in different colors, with FIFA President Gianni Infantino sitting close by during her country’s 2-1 defeat against Japan.

Since the World Cup kicked off, FIFA has found itself at loggerheads with seven European nations playing at Qatar 2022 over the threat of sanctions for any player wearing a “OneLove” armband during games.

Kunkel says he is unhappy that FIFA allowed Qatar to host the World Cup in a country where sex between men is illegal and punishable by up to three years in prison.

The 23-year-old says both Faeser and the German Football Association (DFB) have been supportive of his actions and that the DFB even provided him with more rainbow items after his were confiscated.

Ahead of its game against Japan earlier this week, Germany’s team posed with their right hands in front of their mouths designed as a protest to FIFA’s decision to ban the “OneLove” armband that many European captains had been hoping to wear in Qatar.

Although supportive of that protest, Kunkel says more can be done.

“The German FA talks a lot about the rights of the LGBTQ community but whenever they fear consequences they seem to back off and I think that’s a little bit sad,” said Kunkel, who returns to Germany on Monday.

Kunkel says he is passionate about using his platform in Qatar to raise awareness, adding that although he’s received a mixed response online, he was congratulated multiple times by fellow fans walking into Saturday’s game.

“I want to be a voice,” said Kunkel, who earlier this week posted a picture of himself on Instagram from Qatar displaying a rainbow-colored sweatband in front of his face, which he had painted with the German flag with a message saying: “Take a stand, be seen, participate in change. Awesome feeling.”

Qatar’s organizing committee, meanwhile, has previously promised to host “an inclusive and discriminatory-free” World Cup in the face of Western criticism regarding its anti-LGBTQ laws – criticism Infantino, speaking generally about Qatar’s human rights record, slammed as “hypocritical” ahead of the tournament.

“It’s so annoying they do this,” Kunkel told CNN. “This isn’t a political issue, it’s basic human rights.”





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