Tag: eating disorders

Don’t serve disordered eating to your teens this holiday season | CNN

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Editor’s Note: Katie Hurley, author of “No More Mean Girls: The Secret to Raising Strong, Confident and Compassionate Girls,” is a child and adolescent psychotherapist in Los Angeles. She specializes in work with tweens, teens and young adults.



CNN
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“I have a couple of spots for anyone who wants to lose 20 pounds by the holidays! No diets, exercise, or cravings!”

Ads for dieting and exercise programs like this started appearing in my social media feeds in early October 2022, often accompanied by photos of women pushing shopping carts full of Halloween candy intended to represent the weight they no longer carry with them.

Whether it’s intermittent fasting or “cheat” days, diet culture is spreading wildly, and spiking in particular among young women and girls, a population group who might be at particular risk of social pressures and misinformation.

The fact that diet culture all over social media targets grown women is bad enough, but such messaging also trickles down to tweens and teens. (And let’s be honest, a lot is aimed directly at young people too.) It couldn’t happen at a worse time: There’s been a noticeable spike in eating disorders, particularly among adolescent girls, since the beginning of the pandemic.

“My mom is obsessed with (seeing) her Facebook friends losing tons of weight without dieting. Is this even real?” The question came from a teen girl who later revealed she was considering hiring a health coach to help her eat ‘healthier’ after watching her mom overhaul her diet. Sadly, the coaching she was falling victim to is part of a multilevel marketing brand that promotes quick weight loss through caloric restriction and buying costly meal replacements.

Is it real? Yes. Is it healthy? Not likely, especially for a growing teen.

Later that week, a different teen client asked about a clean eating movement she follows on Pinterest. She had read that a strict clean vegan diet is better for both her and the environment, and assumed this was true because the pinned article took her to a health coaching blog. It seemed legitimate. But a deep dive into the blogger’s credentials, however, showed that the clean eating practices they shared were not actually developed by a nutritionist.

And another teen, fresh off a week of engaging in the “what I eat in a day” challenge — a video trend across TikTok, Instagram and other social media platforms where users document the food they consume in a particular timeframe — told me she decided to temporarily mute her social media accounts. Why? Because the time she’d spent limited her eating while pretending to feel full left her exhausted and unhappy. She had found the trend on TikTok and thought it might help her create healthier eating habits, but ended up becoming fixated on caloric intake instead. Still, she didn’t want her friends to see that the challenge actually made her feel terrible when she had spent a whole week promoting it.

During any given week, I field numerous questions from tweens and teens about the diet culture they encounter online, out in the world, and sometimes even in their own homes. But as we enter the winter holiday season, shame-based diet culture pressure, often wrapped up with toxic positivity to appear encouraging, increases.

“As we approach the holidays, diet culture is in the air as much as lights and music, and it’s certainly on social media,” said Dr. Hina Talib, an adolescent medicine specialist and associate professor of pediatrics at the Albert Einstein College of Medicine in The Bronx, New York. “It’s so pervasive that even if it’s not targeted (at) teens, they are absorbing it by scrolling through it or hearing parents talk about it.”

Social media isn’t the only place young people encounter harmful messaging about body image and weight loss. Teens are inundated with so-called ‘healthy eating’ content on TV and in popular culture, at school and while engaged in extracurricular or social activities, at home and in public spaces like malls or grocery stores — and even in restaurants.

Instead of learning how to eat to fuel their bodies and their brains, today’s teens are getting the message that “clean eating,” to give just one example of a potentially problematic dietary trend, results in a better body — and, by extension, increased happiness. Diets cutting out all carbohydrates, dairy products, gluten, and meat-based proteins are popular among teens. Yet this mindset can trigger food anxiety, obsessive checking of food labels and dangerous calorie restriction.

An obsessive focus on weight loss, toning muscles and improving overall looks actually runs contrary to what teens need to grow at a healthy pace.

“Teens and tweens are growing into their adult bodies, and that growth requires weight gain,” said Oona Hanson, a parent coach based in Los Angeles. “Weight gain is not only normal but essential for health during adolescence.”

The good news in all of this is that parents can take an active role in helping teens craft an emotionally healthier narrative around their eating habits. “Parents are often made to feel helpless in the face of TikTokers, peer pressure or wider diet culture, but it’s important to remember this: parents are influencers, too,” said Hanson. What we say and do matters to our teens.

Parents can take an active role in helping teens craft an emotionally healthier narrative around their eating habits.

Take a few moments to reflect on your own eating patterns. Teens tend to emulate what they see, even if they don’t talk about it.

Parents and caregivers can model a healthy relationship with food by enjoying a wide variety of foods and trying new recipes for family meals. During the holiday season, when many celebrations can involve gathering around the table, take the opportunity to model shared connections. “Holidays are a great time to remember that foods nourish us in ways that could never be captured on a nutrition label,” Hanson said.

Practice confronting unhealthy body talk

The holiday season is full of opportunities to gather with friends and loved ones to celebrate and make memories, but these moments can be anxiety-producing when nutrition shaming occurs.

When extended families gather for holiday celebrations, it’s common for people to comment on how others look or have changed since the last gathering. While this is usually done with good intentions, it can be awkward or upsetting to tweens and teens.

“For young people going through puberty or body changes, it’s normal to be self-conscious or self-critical. To have someone say, ‘you’ve developed’ isn’t a welcome part of conversations,” cautioned Talib.

Talib suggests practicing comebacks and topic changes ahead of time. Role play responses like, “We don’t talk about bodies,” or “We prefer to focus on all the things we’ve accomplished this year.” And be sure to check in and make space for your tween or teen to share and feelings of hurt and resentment over any such comments at an appropriate time.

Open and honest communication is always the gold standard in helping tweens and teens work through the messaging and behaviors they internalize. When families talk about what they see and hear online, on podcasts, on TV, and in print, they normalize the process of engaging in critical thinking — and it can be a really great shared connection between parents and teens.

“Teaching media literacy skills is a helpful way to frame the conversation,” says Talib. “Talk openly about it.”

She suggests asking the following questions when discussing people’s messaging around diet culture:

● Who are they?

● What do you think their angle is?

● What do you think their message is?

● Are they a medical professional or are they trying to sell you something?

● Are they promoting a fitness program or a supplement that they are marketing?

Talking to tweens and teens about this throughout the season — and at any time — brings a taboo topic to the forefront and makes it easier for your kids to share their inner thoughts with you.

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Kids need to gain weight during adolescence. Here’s why | CNN

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Editor’s Note: Michelle Icard is the author of several books on raising adolescents, including “Fourteen Talks by Age Fourteen.”



CNN
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I’ve worked with middle schoolers, their parents and their schools for 20 years to help kids navigate the always awkward, often painful, sometimes hilarious in hindsight, years of early adolescence.

Most of the social and development stretch marks we gain during adolescence fade to invisibility over time. We stop holding a grudge against the kid who teased us in class for tripping, or we forgive ourselves our bad haircuts, botched friendships and cringy attempts at popularity.

But one growing pain can be dangerously hard to recover from, and ironically, it’s the one that has most to do with our physical growth.

Children are supposed to keep growing in adolescence, and so a child’s changing body during that time should not be cause for concern. Yet it sends adults into a tailspin of fear around weight, health and self-esteem.

Kids have always worried about their changing bodies. With so many changes in such a short period of early puberty, they constantly evaluate themselves against each other to figure out if their body development is normal. “All these guys grew over the summer, but I’m still shorter than all the girls. Is something wrong with me?” “No one else needs a bra, but I do. Why am I so weird?”

But the worry has gotten worse over the past two decades. I’ve seen parents becoming increasingly worried about how their children’s bodies change during early puberty. When I give talks about parenting, I often hear adults express concern and fear about their children starting to gain “too much” weight during early adolescence.

Parents I work with worry that even kids who are physically active, engaged with others, bright and happy might need to lose weight because they are heavier than most of their peers.

Why are parents so focused on weight? In part, I think it’s because our national conversations about body image and disordered eating have reached a frenzy on the topic. Over the past year, two new angles have further complicated this matter for children.

Remember Jimmy Kimmel’s opening monologue at the Oscars making Ozempic and its weight-loss properties a household name? Whether it’s social media or the mainstream press, small bodies and weight loss are valued. It’s clear to young teens I know that celebrities have embraced a new way to shrink their bodies.

Constant messages about being thin and fit are in danger of overexposing kids to health and wellness ideals that are difficult to extract from actual health and wellness.

Compound this with the American Academy of Pediatrics recently changing its guidelines on treating overweight children, and many parents worry even more that saying or doing nothing about their child’s weight is harmful.

The opposite is true. Parents keep their children healthiest when they say nothing about their changing shape. Here’s why.

Other than the first year of life, we experience the most growth during adolescence. Between the ages of 13 and 18, most adolescents double their weight. Yet weight gain remains a sensitive, sometimes scary subject for parents who fear too much weight gain, too quickly.

It helps to understand what’s normal. On average, boys do most of their growing between 12 and 16. During those four years, they might grow an entire foot and gain as much as 50 to 60 pounds. Girls have their biggest growth spurt between 10 and 14. On average, they can gain 10 inches in height and 40 to 50 pounds during that time, according to growth charts from the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

Boys do most of their growing between ages 12 and 16 on average. They may even grow an entire foot.

“It’s totally normal for kids to gain weight during puberty,” said Dr. Trish Hutchison, a board-certified pediatrician with 30 years of clinical experience and a spokesperson for the American Academy of Pediatrics, via email. “About 25 percent of growth in height occurs during this time so as youth grow taller, they’re also going to gain weight. Since the age of two or three, children grow an average of about two inches and gain about five pounds a year. But when puberty hits, that usually doubles.”

The American Academy of Pediatrics released a revised set of guidelines for pediatricians in January, which included recommendations of medications and surgery for some children who measure in the obese range.

In contrast, its 2016 guidelines talked about eating disorder prevention and “encouraged pediatricians and parents not to focus on dieting, not to focus on weight, but to focus on health-promoting behaviors,” said Elizabeth Davenport, a registered dietitian in Washington, DC.

“The new guidelines are making weight the focus of health,” she said. “And as we know there are many other measures of health.”

Davenport said she worries that kids could misunderstand their pediatricians’ discussions about weight, internalize incorrect information and turn to disordered eating.

“A kid could certainly interpret that message as not needing to eat as much or there’s something wrong with my body and that leads down a very dangerous path,” she said. “What someone could take away is ‘I need to be on a diet’ and what we know is that dieting increases the risk of developing an eating disorder.”

Many tweens have tried dieting, and many parents have put their kids on diets.

“Some current statistics show that 51% of 10-year-old girls have tried a diet and 37% of parents admit to having placed their child on a diet,” Hutchison said in an email, adding that dieting could be a concern with the new American Academy of Pediatrics guidelines.

“There is evidence that having conversations about obesity can facilitate effective treatment, but the family’s wishes should strongly direct when these conversations should occur,” Hutchison said. “The psychological impact may be more damaging than the physical health risks.”

It’s not that weight isn’t important. “For kids and teens, we need to know what their weight is,” Davenport said. “We are not, as dietitians, against kids being weighed because it is a measure to see how they’re growing. If there’s anything outstanding on an adolescent’s growth curve, that means we want to take a look at what’s going on. But we don’t need to discuss weight in front of them.”

In other words, weight is data. It may or may not indicate something needs addressing. The biggest concern, according to Davenport, is when a child isn’t gaining weight. That’s a red flag something unhealthy is going on.

“Obesity is no longer a disease caused by energy in/energy out,” Hutchison said. “It is much more complex and other factors like genetics, physiological, socioeconomic, and environmental contributors play a role.”

It’s important for parents and caregivers to know that “the presence of obesity or overweight is NOT an indication of poor parenting,” she said. “And it’s not the child or adolescent’s fault.”

It’s also key to note, Hutchison said, that the new American Academy of Pediatrics guidelines, which are only recommendations, are not for parents. They are part of a 100-page document that provides information to health care providers with clinical practice guidelines for the evaluation and treatment of children and adolescents who are overweight or obese. Medications and surgery are discussed in only four pages of the document.

Parents need to work on their own weight bias, but they also need to protect their children from providers who don’t know how to communicate with their patients about weight.

“Working in the field of eating disorder treatment for over 20 years, I sadly can’t tell you the number of clients who’ve come in and part of the trigger for their eating disorder was hearing from a medical provider that there was an issue or a concern of some sort with their weight,” Davenport said.

Hutchison said doctors and other health providers need to do better.

“We all have a lot of work to do when it comes to conversations about weight,” Hutchison said. “We need to approach each child with respect and without (judgment) because we don’t want kids to ever think there is something wrong with their body.”

The right approach, according to American Academy of Pediatrics training, is to ask parents questions that don’t use the word “weight.” One example Hutchison offered: “What concerns, if any, do you have about your child’s growth and health?” 

Working sensitively, Hutchison said she feels doctors can have a positive impact on kids who need or want guidance toward health-promoting behaviors.

Kids can misunderstand doctors' discussions about their weight and internalize incorrect information.

Davenport and her business partner in Sunny Side Up Nutrition, with input from the Carolina Resource Center for Eating Disorders, have gotten more specific. They have created a resource called Navigating Pediatric Care to give parents steps they can take to ask health care providers to discuss weight only with them — not with children.

“Pediatricians are supposed to ask permission to be able to discuss weight in front of children,” Davenport said. “It’s a parent’s right to ask this and advocate for their child.”

Davenport advises parents to call ahead and schedule an appointment to discuss weight before bringing in a child for a visit. She also suggests calling or emailing ahead with your wishes, though she admits it may be less effective in a busy setting. She said to print out a small card to hand to the nurse and physician at the appointment. You can also say in front of the child, “We prefer not to discuss weight in front of my child.” 

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What someone with an eating disorder wishes you knew | CNN

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Editor’s Note: This story is part of an occasional series covering disordered eating and diet culture.



CNN
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Getting diagnosed with an eating disorder happened by accident to Emily Boring.

She went to her university’s mental health office to talk about anxiety she was feeling, and through conversations learned that her behaviors with food were classified as an eating disorder, she said.

Now 27 and a graduate student at the Yale Divinity School in New Haven, Connecticut, her journey of recovery and relapse has taught her a lot about how to care for herself and others, she said.

During Eating Disorders Awareness Week in late February, Boring spoke to CNN about the misunderstanding, shame and stigma around eating disorders so they can be better understood.

This conversation has been edited and condensed for clarity.

CNN: What do you want people to know about disordered eating and eating disorders?

Emily Boring: I wish people knew that it is everywhere. The vast majority of people will experience some kind of disordered relationship to food in their bodies, simply because of the culture we live in.

What I would say first and foremost is disordered eating — and this also applies to formal eating disorders — don’t look a certain way. They affect everyone regardless of gender, race, ethnicity, age, socioeconomic status. Disordered eating and eating disorders do not come with a “thin” or underweight body.

CNN: How do you understand eating disorders and treatment?

Boring: Eating disorders are now classified as metabo-psychiatric illnesses — metabolism referring to the way the body processes energy, and then the psychiatric portion related to brain and behavior.

This has confirmed the experience of people with eating disorders. We for decades — and clinicians also — have noticed that eating disorders tend to be activated when someone falls into energy deficit or doesn’t take in enough calories to support their body.

Eating disorders are not shameful. They’re not a choice, and they’re not a failure. There’s still some lingering stigma around the thought that eating disorders are something that you choose. I would add on to that: if someone is on the precipice of realizing they have an eating disorder or receiving that diagnosis from someone else, I would stress the importance of early intervention. And I would say that the first step to recovery is finding a really good eating disorder team (including a) therapist, dietician and a doctor.

CNN: How should loved ones talk to people in recovery from eating disorders?

Boring: I do speak mostly from my own experience, but I’ve also mentored quite a few teenagers during this process. I’ve learned the hard way what isn’t helpful to say to them, and I’ve also been the recipient (of unhelpful comments).

To the extent that you can, avoid comments and actions that we associate with diet culture. Especially in this country, the way that we privilege fitness in popular culture is antithetical to recovery. Diet culture oftentimes hides beneath the banner of healthism — that’s basically the belief that there is a standard of fitness and able-bodiedness that everyone can attain if we just work hard.

There’s a whole body of literature — scientific literature showing that health and weight are not all causally related. So higher weight doesn’t necessarily equal poor health outcome.

CNN: What do you mean when you say not to use “the eating disorder’s own voice” to talk back to it?

Boring: Let’s say I show up in a doctor’s office, and I’m afraid of what’s happening to my body. I’m afraid I’m going to gain weight. And a clinician may say well meaningly, “Don’t worry, your body’s not going to change that much. Your weight doesn’t have to go higher.”

Regardless of the factualness of that statement or not, that’s just playing right into the eating disorder’s belief. It’s so easy to try to reassure (your loved one) using the eating disorder’s own language, and I found that that just really doesn’t work in the long run.

CNN: What are ways to talk to people without using the voice of the eating disorder?

Boring: Some questions that I encourage folks to ask themselves are things like, “Is what I’m about to say implying that some bodies are better than other bodies? Or that some foods have greater or lesser moral worth?” Also try to avoid mentioning anything with numbers, whether that is weight or calories or number of hours exercising per week.

Don’t assume someone’s inner state based on how they do or don’t look on the outside. As much as people can, step back and ask questions, instead of making an assumption.

An example: “I see that you’re improving in these behaviors, like we set the goal of last week. How’s that feeling to you? How was your mind reacting?” So that process of gentle inquiry rather than statements and assumptions is really key.

CNN: What do people need to know about relapse?

Boring: That it is not a failure, and that doesn’t have to lead you back to the worst of illness that you’ve ever experienced. You can catch it early, and you can turn things around.

What I wish that I had known about relapse is that it happens more quickly and more sudden and all consumingly than I thought.

If you’re someone who has the genes for an eating disorder — whether that’s anorexia, bulimia, binge-eating disorder, any (disease) on the spectrum — you’re probably always going to have to be careful and vigilant about maintaining nutrition, eating an abundance and variety of foods, insulating yourself from diet culture. Because it can happen fast — a few days of restriction, a few lost pounds and all of a sudden, you’re back fully in the eating disorder.

And I would also say that relapse is a learning opportunity. It doesn’t always feel like that in the moment, but the times that I’ve relapsed, I look back and I realized in each instance, I’ve discovered something about what recovery means to me.

I guess that’s just a way to say, be gentle with yourself and be open-minded that yes, relapse is a crisis, and you need to do everything you can to get out of it. But also, it’s not a failure and it’s not a sign that you’ll be struggling with this forever.

CNN: What have you learned about recovery?

Boring: When I first started recovering, people — mostly clinicians, but also on some of the books and blogs that I’d read from people who’ve recovered — frame recovery, mostly in terms of absence. When you’re recovered, you won’t have these troubling symptoms anymore, or you won’t spend so much time thinking about food in your body.

In reality, what it’s like to be recovered is completely about presence. It is an ability to be present to relationships around you to the things that you’re interested in. It’s also just a physical presence of awareness of your own body, ability to perceive sensations, ability to eventually listen to your body’s cues of hunger and fullness.

The eating disorder is completely gray, and it feels like I’m kind of dragging myself through the days. … When I’m recovered, the world comes back into color again.

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How to stop dieting, according to people who have done it | CNN

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Editor’s Note: This is part of an ongoing series that takes a closer look at eating disorders, disordered eating and relationships with food and body image.



CNN
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Ending cycles of dieting and learning to accept the body you are in sounds great, but it may feel a bit like a fairytale.

How can you control how you eat without counting calories? How should you stop planning for the day when you are thinner? How do you wake up one day without those shameful, mean thoughts knocking at the door to your brain?

It’s hard, said Bri Campos, a body image coach based in Paramus, New Jersey. The goal might not be fully celebrating your body or releasing yourself from all the negative thoughts about weight that comes from diet culture, she said. It could mean just making progress toward feeling less shame or self-criticism.

Diet culture is the widespread societal messages that small bodies are better, larger bodies are shameful and restricted eating is the key to an “acceptable” body. Ascribing to those messages is harmful to people of all body types, especially considering it can encourage eating disorders and make recovery therefrom even more difficult, according to the National Eating Disorder Association.

The promise of attaining (and retaining) the ideal body is hollow, as dropping weight drastically in a short period is likely to be followed by a person gaining it back again. Slow, sustained changes are often more successful, according to a 2017 study. And while some studies do recommend losing weight to reduce the risk of conditions such as heart disease and cancer, it’s also true that health is determined by many factors — shame doesn’t help.

There are ways to unlearn diet culture, Campos said. The process is different for each person, but it can help to find community with other people with similar goals, she added.

Here are several stories of people trying to reject diet culture and what they have found in their journeys along the way.

Shanea Pallone started to question her experience with diet culture after a doctor body-shamed her at an appointment. It’s been hard to be a patient in a medical system that has caused her great harm. “I am actively being harmed by providers who don’t see me as more than my weight on the scale,” Pallone said.

But Pallone, who lives in Houston, Texas, also works as a nurse; her job has required her to assess her patients’ weights, mark if they were considered obese on their medical charts and teach them the same dieting tactics she was trying to unlearn herself, she said.

Pallone recalled constantly asking herself, “How do I navigate my own care and giving good care and still work on unpacking some of the ways diet culture still sinks in?” Her answer included going back to research that showed that dieting wasn’t effective — and confirmed she could live healthfully and provide care without shame.

Learning about intuitive eating — an eating philosophy that relies on the body’s natural hunger and fullness cues — helped her in both her personal and professional journeys.

Changing her thinking doesn’t mean that intrusive thoughts about food and diet completely truly go away, but it has gotten easier to see them and try to quiet them, Pallone said. Now Pallone works to help her patients meet their health goals in a way that doesn’t keep them from the foods they love eating or make them feel like they’ve failed, she said.

But while she has been able to have some meaningful impacts on her patients, she had to accept she could not rescue everyone from diet culture.

“It is really hard to walk away from a woman in her 80s, who is moving toward hospice, who (is) like, ‘It’s really ok that I’m losing weight, I’ve always been a little chunky,’” Pallone said.

Amanda Mittman said the process of shedding diet culture is ongoing.

Amanda Mittman, a registered dietitian in Amherst, Massachusetts, began moving away from diet culture after her son was born. She couldn’t bring herself to return to a restrictive way of eating as a new mother, but still felt shame around the weight she hadn’t lost postpartum, she said.

“We’re all still swimming in the same toxic soup,” she said.

Mittman’s first step was to learn to identify diet culture around her, across entertainment media, in advertisements and even in conversations with friends and family, she said.

And once she saw it — like pulling the curtain back on the Wizard of Oz — she found she couldn’t go back to how she saw things before.

This didn’t mean she was ready to give up on dieting and completely accept her body. Diets had always offered her a magical solution: lose weight and you can have everything you’ve ever wanted. It was scary to give up on that dream — and to face the possibility that, in living differently, she might gain weight instead of losing it.

But as she found a community free of diet culture and moved her social media feeds to not value weight loss, Mittman said accepting the grief and mourning that comes with giving up on those goals became a big part of her process.

“I still have the thoughts of ‘wouldn’t it be great if I could lose weight?’” she said. But she reminds herself, “We have been down that road and that’s just not available to me anymore.”

The work to accept her body and love herself isn’t glamorous, she said. There’s “no cap and gowns, you don’t graduate — this is constant work,” Mittman said. “But it gets easier all the time.”

Sandra Thies' mirror was a big trigger and now is part of her healing.

After years on her college varsity rowing team and trying to shape her body to fit expectations, Sandra Thies found herself a little lost without a strict diet and exercise routine.

“The easy way out is to go on another diet, to buy into diet culture online, to restrict your eating,” Thies said. “It’s the easy way to feel that you have control.”

Much of that desire for control would come out around reflective surfaces, she said.

Whether it was the windows she walked by, mirrors in her work bathroom or even at home when she got out of the shower – all were places for Thies to poke and prod at her body, to see if she needed to work out or if she could give herself a little extra at dinner. And days wrestling with her reflection would lead to nights spent staring up at the ceiling, thinking about what she could do better the next day to get closer to her “ideal” body.

Thies, now an intuitive eating counselor in Kelowna, British Columbia, came across the concept in college and remembers thinking, “wouldn’t it be nice to be at peace with food and your body?” Four years later, she feels like she’s still learning how to move in a way that feels good, how to eat what her body needs and how to stand in front of her reflection without picking it apart.

But the mirror has actually become part of her solution, she said.

She has questions now written on her mirror at home: “What is the feeling? Where do you feel it in your body? How bad is it? Can we sit in this discomfort? What do you need in the moment?”

She now tries to take time to sit with those feelings. Sometimes, she can get through answering all the questions. But on the days she can’t, Thies said she gives herself permission to do what she can to keep her self-talk positive.

“I think about my body and food very frequently,” Thies said. “But the voice that I use has really changed. It leaves me feeling confident and empowered rather than broken down.”

Dani Bryant said she saw her own body in the women that came before her.

Dani Bryant thought her experiences with her body would threaten to her creative dreams, but instead they turned out to be an avenue to get there.

As a kid passionate about theater, Bryant heard similar messages from her directors, chorus teachers and costumers: You are so talented, but your body has to be smaller if you want to make it big.

She was only a 9-year-old when she first showed signs of disordered eating. By her sophomore year of college pursuing a career in theater, she had developed anorexia, Bryant said.

As part of Bryant’s recovery, she began writing and developed a theater company in Chicago centered around the experiences of body issues and disordered eating, Bryant said. There she found the support she felt was key to her developing relationship with her body.

“My healing is so much in sharing the lived experience, building community around it and that slow unlearning,” she said.

Bryant said finding a photo of her family coming to the US gave her better perspective on her own body.

One big moment in Bryant’s healing journey came when she went with her mother on a trip to Ellis Island in New York City, where they happened across a photograph of her family arriving in the United States generations ago.

In the photo, she saw her great grandmother, whose body was shaped just like her grandmother’s, her mother’s and her own, Bryant said.

There she realized her body was more than her choices or her dieting — it was the result of her family, genetics and her history.

She wished she could go back to the little girl she once was to show her that picture and ask her to stop fighting the “unwinnable war” for a smaller body she was never meant to have, she said.

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Don’t serve Girl Scout cookies with a side of shame | CNN

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Editor’s Note: Dr. Katie Hurley, author of “No More Mean Girls: The Secret to Raising Strong, Confident and Compassionate Girls,” is a child and adolescent psychotherapist in Los Angeles. She specializes in work with tweens, teens and young adults.



CNN
 — 

It’s Girl Scout cookie season again, which means young female entrepreneurs are outside your favorite stores and community centers selling you the latest flavors and old favorites.

While this program that helps girls learn and practice important leadership skills remains the largest girl-led entrepreneurial program in the world, cookie season can also include unwelcome messaging about calorie counting, restricted eating and diet culture.

During the course of the selling season, and even just in a single shift, girls are likely to hear negative comments about weight, body image and disordered eating from both customers and passersby. While many comments are passed off as humor, a seemingly benign joke about needing to exercise more to “earn” a Thin Mint isn’t as innocent as it might seem.

“We know that children can internalize body image concerns as young as 3 to 5 years old, so it’s important to keep in mind how we talk about our bodies and the food we eat in front of children very early on,” said Dr. Nicole Cifra, an attending physician in the division of adolescent medicine at Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia.

“We also know that dieting is a major risk factor for developing an eating disorder, so minimizing talk about diets or restricting certain food groups is beneficial,” she added.

Although a single comment isn’t likely to trigger an eating disorder, repeated exposure to diet talk can have an effect on the thought patterns girls develop around eating and body image.

“There’s a cumulative effect of kids getting these messages directly,” said Oona Hanson, parent coach and founder of the Facebook community, Parenting without Diet Culture. “One individual customer is not solely responsible for internalized messages that lead to disordered eating, but all adults play a role in the messaging kids hear around diet culture and positive body image.”

What might feel like a humorous way to deflect a cookie purchase in the moment could do more harm than anticipated. It’s probably not the only negative commentary the young entrepreneurs hear during a shift. Given that over 200 million boxes of cookies are sold each year, that’s a lot of girls fending off a lot of snarky remarks about bathing suit season or earning the confection through extra workouts or starvation.

If you’re inclined to crack a joke because you just don’t want the cookies, consider taking a moment to engage a Girl Scout in conversation about their business model and where the funds land. This gives these young businesswomen a chance to practice public speaking while sharing what they’re learning. Chances are you might even learn that you can make a cookie donation through the “Cookie Share” program. My family likes to buy some for our home and send some via Cookie Share to United States troops.

Charlotte Markey, author of “The Body Image Book for Girls,” notes that it is nearly impossible to address every negative comment heard in the background of cookie sale booths. “Some of this is so commonplace that if we take every single comment seriously, we spend too much energy on it,” Markey said.

However, there are steps parents, educators and Girl Scout troop leaders can take to mitigate some of this negative messaging so that girls don’t internalize it.

“The best thing that troop leaders and parents can do for their kids is to model their own healthy body image,” said Dr. Cheri Levinson, associate professor in the department of psychological and brain sciences at the University of Louisville and director of the university’s Eating Anxiety Treatment Lab. “It’s also important to talk about all of the good things that bodies do for us — like letting us hug people, dance or pet our pets.”

Practicing gratitude as it relates to our bodies is a powerful way to reframe thinking away from unrealistic expectations or negative thoughts about our bodies and toward being mindful of the many ways our bodies carry us through our days.

Kids are always listening.

“One of the most important things is not to talk negatively about your body or food in front of kids,” Levinson said. When we talk kindly to ourselves, she noted, they learn to do the same.

Balanced eating includes having treats at times and taking the time to enjoy the foods we consume. When adults label foods or eating choices as “good” or “bad” and “healthy” or “unhealthy,” kids get the message some foods are either off-limits or harmful. This can create feelings of shame around eating, particularly when sweets are restricted to these categories.

“One thing troop leaders can do is talk about the joy around food by sharing their favorite combinations of cookies,” Hanson said. “This tips the scales in the direction of creating a balanced relationship with food.”

It might be tempting to ignore the commentary and simply move on, but if girls are hearing diet culture talk, they need to talk about it with a trusted adult.

“I recommend having an open line of communication about these topics. Talking to children about the media they consume or comments they hear from others related to body image can be helpful in giving them a space to process the information they’re receiving,” Cifra said.

One way to do this is to debrief the girls after the shift ends. A troop leader can say, “We heard a few jokes and comments about diets and not eating cookies. I wonder how you felt when you heard those things?” This opens the door to a discussion about negative body comments and how girls can reframe their thinking.

There might be times when an adult has to step in and gently redirect another adult who is making uncomfortable comments, but girls can also take the opportunity to use their voices to stand up to diet talk.

Assertiveness is an essential leadership skill, and countering unwanted commentary with positive messaging is one way to help girls sharpen their skills. Plan ahead to come up with some talking points to use if they encounter any negative messaging. Phrases like “We love our cookies and they only come around once a year!” or “Gift a box to our troops — we know they love our cookies!” change the tone from negative to hopeful while empowering the girls to speak up for a cause they believe in.

Cookie season does only come around once a year, and the dollars earned from these sales go directly back to the local and regional troops to fund activities for the girls throughout the year. Whether you donate the cookies to someone else or pick up a box of favorites to enjoy yourself, your purchase empowers up-and-coming leaders. So go ahead and grab those Thin Mints while you still can.

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