Ron DeSantis Takes Brave Stand Against Drag Queen Christmas Boobies At The Miami Hyatt

What’s going on with Ron DeSantis and his ugly, misbegotten state?

Well, this week he’s been trying to show us how serious he is about running for president, by demonstrating for Donald Trump, Tucker Carlson, and Vladimir Putin that he can be just as much of a Russian stooge as them.

And his administration is working on the home front, having a pissy little poopypants fascist temper tantrum at the Hyatt in Miami for having a drag show. It was called “A Drag Queen Christmas,” and it is affiliated with RuPaul’s outfit. It is of course the policy of the DeSantis administration to shake its tailfeathers and have an entire cow any time there’s a risk of a child finding out they don’t have to be repressed, insecure white Christian fascists when they grow up.

Insider reports that the Florida Department of Southern Baptist Karens Business and Professional Regulation filed a complaint against the Hyatt’s concert venue, which let minors in to the fun Christmas show as long as they were accompanied by adults. “A Drag Queen Christmas” is of course not a sexual strip show, and not a groomers exhibition. This means that if you feel sexed or groomed by it, then according to science you are a probably a full-grown conservative Republican Christian man who probably secretly wants to bone drag queens.


The state’s business department accused the Miami venue of several violations, including a prohibition of “lascivious exhibition” before people younger than 16, though it’s not clear to what extent this law is generally enforced.

Lascivious exhibition, oh myyyyyyyyy!

The department said performers were “wearing sexually suggestive clothing and prosthetic female genitalia,” as well as simulating masturbation.

We are going to go out on a limb here and suggest that the prudes and cultural shut-ins who work in the DeSantis administration might not be A+ students at identifying “prosthetic female genitalia” or “simulating masturbation.”

Except wait, they are literally talking about the fake boobies drag queens sometimes wear. We know how excitable the conservatives are when it comes to boobies.

The complaint, which is posted at Insider, is an absolute hoot. It just goes on and on and on about every naughty thing that offended these allegedly full-grown mature adults on the liquor licensing board.

It says the show featured “performers forcibly penetrating or rubbing their exposed prosthetic female breasts against the faces or oral cavities of audience members.” Hate it when drag queens forcibly penetrate your oral cavities with their fake boobies.

It says they “intentionally” showed their fake boobies and fake other genitals and real buttockses to the audience. Also? “Graphic depictions of childbirth and/or abortion.” Sure thing, definitely part of drag shows.

It says there were videos of “exposed female breasts with less than a fully opaque covering.”

It says the drag queens even desecrated sacred children’s Christmas songs. During “All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth,” a drag queen suggested Santa put his milk and cookies “all between my gap!” And during “Screwdolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer,” they said the reindeer were called “Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen, Vomit and Stupid and Dildo and Dicks-in!”

And Screwdolph had NIPPLES.

Did you want the Church Lady regulating your entertainment choices? Well you got it, Florida.

They’re citing a whole passel of laws that prohibit things like “lewd and lascivious exhibition” to minors under 16, claiming the drag queens were exposing their genitals. Again, they are interpreting fake boobies and butts as “genitalia.” And because they’re humorless, joyless fucking dorks, they’re interpreting the silliness of drag as pornography.

We’d also note that for a bunch of lying bastards who are always swearing up and down that their attacks on LGBTQ+ people are merely to protect “parental rights,” they’re sure stepping on the authority of any cool parents who decided their kids are mature enough to laugh at the funny Christmas drag show.

Insider reports the decision isn’t final, and that the Hyatt has 21 days to request a hearing. Here is the poopypants pissy-ass statement from DeSantis’s office:

“Sexually explicit content is not appropriate to display to children and doing so violates Florida law,” Bryan Griffin, DeSantis’ press secretary, told Insider. “Governor DeSantis stands up for the innocence of children in the classroom and throughout Florida.

Again, for all normal people reading this, these homeschool dropouts are talking about a drag queen Christmas show.

Equality Florida had the right questions:

“How far will [DeSantis] take this anti-LGBTQ crusade in his desperate attempt to outrace his inevitable presidential primary opponents? Will he raid movie theaters because parents take their teenagers to see R-rated movies? Will he punish electronics stores because parents buy their children certain video games? How many businesses will DeSantis target, how many families will he force to co-parent with the government in his quest to manufacture right wing hysteria that he can monetize and weaponize?” asked Brandon Wolf, a spokesman for the group.

This is manufactured outrage. These never-nude ghouls are pretending drag is some new phenomenon they’re exposing, when in fact it’s existed forever. Somebody from a rightwing publication went to the show, made a stink about it on Twitter, and now DeSantis is shaking his peener at the Hyatt, and shaking his peener at other venues around the state, just like he’s been shaking his peener at Mickey Mouse so graphically that we really think Mickey should call the cops.

Barring that, Disney and Hyatt and all other companies could just leave the state and take their tax revenue with them and leave DeSantis and his stable of white supremacist retirees to fall into the ocean by themselves whenever it decides to swallow them up.

Que sera.

[Insider]

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Civil Rights Lawyer Ben Crump Might Take Ron DeSantis To AP ‘Sue Your Ass’ Class Over Black History Course

Florida Republican Gov. Ron DeSantis is getting significant pushback for his administration’s rejection last week of an Advanced Placement course in African American studies. Yesterday, African American state lawmakers, educators, and others rallied in the Florida Capitol in Tallahassee to call for the AP course to be offered in Florida high schools. Civil rights attorney Benjamin Crump said at the rally that if DeSantis refuses to make the class available, Crump will sue the state on the behalf of three high school honors students from Leon County who want to take the course.

“If the governor allows the College Board to present AP African American studies in classrooms across the state of Florida, then we will feel no need to file this historic lawsuit,” Crump told reporters at the Capitol. “However, if he rejects the free flow of ideas and suppresses African American studies, then we’re prepared to take this controversy all the way to the United States Supreme Court.”

It’s just the latest effort to fight back against DeSantis’s ongoing agenda of using culture war issues to build rightwing support nationwide as he plans a likely 2024 presidential run. DeSantis has claimed that the AP course, currently being taught as a pilot before being rolled out nationwide, is tainted by unnecessary political elements like queer theory, because no Black people have ever been LGBTQ as long as you exclude Audre Lorde, James Baldwin, Bayard Rustin, and others who were not Martin Luther King, the only Black leader DeSantis pretends to admire.


DeSantis and his Education Department also cried bitterly about how the AP course was full of “critical race theory” because it might suggest that slavery, Jim Crow, and systematic racism were part of a deliberate attempt by white people to deny rights and economic freedom to people of color, which could make white children feel sad. Instead, under Florida law, we’re pretty sure Black history is limited to half of one sentence from King’s “Dream” speech, as well as a brief list of Black entertainers, athletes, Supreme Court justices who were not Thurgood Marshall, and the opening credits of “The Cosby Show.”

MOAR:

Ron DeSantis’s Drunk Black History

Florida Will Shrink Black History Until It’s Small Enough To Drown In Ron DeSantis’s Bathtub

Ron DeSantis Cancels ‘Un-American’ African American Studies AP Classes, F*ck You Is Why

The College Board, which creates Advanced Placement classes and tests that can be applied to college credits, as well as the SATs and other standardized tests, issued a press release Tuesday saying it will release its “official” framework for the African American studies course on February 1, the first day of Black History Month. That framework, the College Board said, would incorporate feedback gathered throughout the 2022-2023 pilot period of the class, which has been in development for a decade.

The press release didn’t specify that Florida’s objections were the reason for the updates to the framework; if anything, it sounds like the sort of routine boilerplate you’d get in any announcement of a coming plan:

This framework, under development since March 2022, replaces the preliminary pilot course framework under discussion to date […]

Before a new AP course is made broadly available, it is piloted in a small number of high schools to gather feedback from high schools and colleges. The official course framework incorporates this feedback and defines what students will encounter on the AP Exam for college credit and placement.

Not a word about any changes to meet DeSantis’s demands to strip out all the woke indoctrination stuff. Considering how much time and work and committee planning goes into developing a class that’s going to be available nationwide, it’s pretty freaking unlikely the College Board would even attempt a radical pruning of the course in roughly a week. It’s really not like one teacher rewriting a lesson plan at the last minute, or any document the Trump administration ever slapped together.

But hey, it said it would replace the pilot version that DeSantis rejected, so members of his administration got busy proclaiming victory. DeSantis press secretary Bryan Griffin exulted on Twitter that “Thanks to @GovRonDeSantis‘ principled stand for education over identity politics, the College Board will be revising the course for the entire nation,” which again, is almost certainly not what happened, we will bet cash money on that.

The Florida Department of Education also issued a statement thanking the College Board for wholesale revisions that were definitely not mentioned by the College Board statement either:

We are glad the College Board has recognized that the originally submitted course curriculum is problematic, and we are encouraged to see the College Board express a willingness to amend. AP courses are standardized nationwide, and as a result of Florida’s strong stance against identity politics and indoctrination, students across the country will consequentially have access to an historically accurate, unbiased course.

As Governor DeSantis said, African American History is American History, and we will not allow any organization to use an academic course as a gateway for indoctrination and a political agenda. We look forward to reviewing the College Board’s changes and expect the removal of content on Critical Race Theory, Black Queer Studies, Intersectionality and other topics that violate our laws.

We are of course ready to say we were wrong if the final version of the AP framework released next week perfectly fits Florida’s demands, although we think it’s far more likely that DeSantis and crew will 1) reject it yet again as too dangerous for Florida teens or B) find two or three tiny changes, greatly overstate their significance, and claim victory.

In any case, California Gov. Gavin Newsom and Illinois Gov. JB Pritzker have issued their own statements urging the College Board not to make the cuts demanded by DeSantis, which is, as we say, a far more likely outcome anyway. (AND MAKE IT GAYER, says Pritzker.) No doubt DeSantis will blame any non-revisions to the course framework on those two dangerous libs.

[Politico / WFLA / The Hill / Tallahassee Democrat / NBC News / Image: Screenshot, WPBF-TV on Youtube.]

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